not sure what to think.

Monday!  Big day...PR's. Although one of the PR's was something new, so no matter what I did, it would be a PR.

Rack pulls.

135, 225, 315.  Then I jumped to 385....tried it twice.  Kinda annoyed I could not get it off the rack.   The prior one rep was 375...two weeks ago..what the heck?  it's only ten pounds...BUT Mona dear, its only 2 weeks.  So I swallow my pride....pull off 5 pounds....and seriously...I get a lovely pull.  Even Will said so...and Will just took 4th place in a dead lift competition....so yeah....

Seems as though I am chasing 400.

Then Dumb bell push press...

35,40,45,50...at 50, I realized that I was having a hard time getting the weight up to my shoulder...cleaning the weight was tricky...so....Faith agreed to help me out...HA!  She got the weight to me....THANK YOU!  did 55...then 60.  The 60 was not quite fast....more of a push push push to lock out...so I stopped...I also was unable to get the weight down gracefully.  They banged to the floor.

Will looked at me and said..."That's why the are made of rubber..."

Tuesday:

Snatches...light.

4X2 75...I am giving up on the snatch for now....giving into the power snatch for the time being.

Then...clean pulls. 3X5  BJ has it listed at 130% of my one rep max...Who the? What the?  AHHH!

I load the bar to 190....I pause in between reps to reset my legs...my god these are hard.  I don't think I really get to my toes at all.

Then I do back extensions & something else I can't remember.  I also bust out my fork and do some sheaf drills and hammer work too.

I was glad I went last night, I almost didn't, almost let myself get taken away by things I can't control and some stuff I should control. Was at the doc yesterday, surprisingly, I did get some answers....but I am also in a holding pattern.  Endometriosis generally does not effect women my age...and since the symptoms hit so fast and so hard the doc wants me to wait 2 months to track pain.  See...since I am older...it may just go away or become tolerable until it does go away. So, I feel like I am in 7th grade health class again with my little tracking graph.  So, if we choose surgery, it will be in April. Again, it is surgery, but it is minor. The doc said, a week to get back to activities, a month to feel "normal."

One of the things that bugs me is the timing and the waiting.  But hell, I'd rather avoid surgery, minor or not.  I spent the afternoon thinking about what I can do....I need to take off a few pounds. I quickly found myself back in that place of self loathing, which, I dealt with this time by hitting the gym.  I joked with someone that I need to start training twice a day so that I am ready for the recovery portion of surgery if I need it.  I also just think I am too heavy.  I get it, I am lifting, building muscle...but I am also fat.  No way around that. My eating has slowly slid....ah....Fat or not..my blood pressure is good.

114/63

Pierre joked that when they go in for surgery that they could go in and scrape out fat too.  um, not funny Pierre...ok never mind, it is funny. I am just not in a good mood about any of this.  I am also trying to learn how to feel what I feel without trying to either make it go away or pretend I am not feeling at all. Hmm, all I have left to say about that is...Blargh.

So, two months before I need to decide about surgery and three months before Worlds....looks like it might be time for the Whole 30 again....It is also time to make sure that this new challenge doesn't take over my thinking....doesn't, "live rent free in my head." as they say. 

Oh food....dang, you own me don't you....