Thursday, May 28, 2015

more freakin' numbers....

Jesus this is getting old....

numbers.....I love when I can write about goals met, goals missed, goals in process....

Not so today....this is one of those medical numbers blogs....wheeeee.......

My pre op appointment got moved to yesterday.  It is interesting, I met with a PA...a cardiologist PA, Brad....He is the one who really really deals with the patients.  I realized yesterday that while talking to the Cardiologist and the Electrophysiologist, that I was talking to the rock stars.....don't get me wrong, they were not dismissive or remote in the least....but they are...hmmmm cavalier.


Not so much....the whole thing about "being awake" for this procedure....well...that must be a rock star doctor language thing....I will be on  fentanyl and versed.    I won't remember shit.  The PA said it will be like a really crazy bender without any hang over....and it clears my system much faster too.

This was my favorite piece of news....oh yes...I mean, I will be awake in so far as there is no tube down my throat and, get this, I will be talking and they can ask me to move around and ask me questions, but I won't remember any of it.

As for recovery?

ah.....very different....

2      Number of days I am not allowed to drive.

7     Number of days I am banned from physical contact, nudge nudge, wink wink.

3    Number of weeks I cannot lift anything heavy.

15  Number of pounds considered "heavy."

1    Number of months before I should go back to working out.

50  Percent of exertion once I go back to said working out.

4-6   Number of weeks before I can touch "one of those telephone poles." (but given some of the other numbers on here, it would have to be super light.

149/100  My god damn blood pressure yesterday....ridiculous.  I can't wait til this is over.

2   number of millimeters...the diameter of the catheters they will snake into my heart. Cool!

6/2  Date of the surgery

11:30  Time of said surgery

6  Number of weeks before the burns in my heart will heal fully. Yup, burns...sonic burns!

Given that the other two docs said, you get back to your normal life right away, this seems like an awful lot of numbers that limit what I would call "normal" doesn't it?  But, really, it's ok, it isn't that long....This guy really looked at what I do, how I train, and basically said, don't be stupid.  If you want to keep doing this, do it smartly.  He even lectured me about squats.  I can't even do a body weight squat. Wanna know why?  He said it would get messy, blood everywhere....gross... (BJ might really ban me if I did that) The insertion sites take a lot of time to heal.

Get back to normal life right away may mean something different to a majority of their patients. Even though BOTH of the other docs listened and obviously put in my chart how I work out, Brad is the one who mapped out what this recovery is going to really look like for me.

It will take many months to get back into shape.  That is just a fact right now.  I will try not to be stupid about it, funny, I had thought....3 weeks after surgery is Pikes Peak...I bet I'll be ok to throw...

No....not so much.

 I liked him a bunch....he had a sense of humor, joked about how they love poking around in people's it is like playing a really boring video game, but he also did not down play that is serious, after all, it is heart surgery...the last thing he said to me was, "If you were my sister, I'd tell you to get this done."

6 weeks to heal a broken heart...what a thought....

Thursday, May 14, 2015

numbers and whatever, it really doesn't matter.

I almost always post a pregame goals blog...

Not even sure what to write for this weekend's game.

It will be my 5th Rio Grande Celtic Festival. 

WOW...I am starting my 5th year of throwing this weekend.  I am also, as you know, having heart least this year~right in this moment I know what they are.  This will be my last game before surgery too. 

5 first game in 2011 started me down a path that I never thought I would be ready for, that I knew I could not handle.  Been an interesting road. I am still here.  As my friend Stefany told me once, 'If you are going through Hell...just keep going..."  I have and I will.

Mostly I am confident headed into surgery...mostly.

I have started to do some visualization work, not for throwing like I some times do, but for the surgery.  Trying to let go of the thought of them poking a hole in my heart.  But the fear is there.

OH  Crap...the game, right.....

Ok, well, goals....

It would be nice to do a little better than I did in Vegas.  I was still on the beta blockers for that game.  Another goal, keep the heart calm.  Oh, right, I can't control that.

Ok Vegas numbers I guess.

Stone   24' 4"
Open   25' 9"
HWD   42'
LWD    59' 10"
HH     61' 7"
LH      77' 2"
WOB  15'    (really?)
sheaf   20'

Well, I can't be disappointed in results I didn't get because of training I didn't do. 


Nor can I be this weekend. 

I am glad to be off the Blockers, but I am not really training.  I am moving a few days a week which is better than nothing.  I work foot drills and placement things with WFD. After all, we fall to the level of our prep on the details don't we? 

As long as the surgery goes well, I'll get back to it....but this year?  Well....I don't know. 

I just don't know if I can do the games I signed up for yet.  Pikes Peak will be interesting as it is 3 weeks after surgery.....

I am depressed, can you tell?  Which of course doesn't help my eating at all....I'm fat.

OHHHHHHH  I forgot.....some good shit.

I had a great time in my acting ended last Sunday.

I'll miss that too.....Gym is closing in 2 weeks too....


What the hell.

Ok where was I?


Keep my head on straight, remember what is important, move a little, enjoy the sun, and soak up the joy in throwing from the fan~fucking~tastic ladies in my group.

As for the other is all coming.  All that I can change is my attitude towards it.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

And then there is this.....

 Things change, people change, hairstyles change, interest rates fluctuate.

Lots of changes again this year...big ones, all good I am sure....then I got word of another.  This one will be good too, in the long run.

My gym is changing.

No I am not changing gym is shifting, changing, I hate to say closing...cause that is not exactly what is happening~but they are closing for a period of time....they will be finding a new space and they will be moving on from the Crossfit affiliation.

Even though I know it will be a better fit, especially for the trainers and what they want to be able to provide. I find myself feeling grief...  crazy, no?

All the "oh crap how will I make this work" and "oh no where is my home away from home gonna be" and "nooooooo I love this community" and "how will I ever train" and the worst "What if I never workout again????" start to play loudly in my skull.

But...I remember how strong this group of folks are, trust that BJ will find a great place, trust that they will be able to work more in the direction that energizes them as trainers....

Training people to DO SHIT.

To be the best they can at all the crazy diverse shit everyone is involved in at the gym.  I am not so damn Pollyanna that I think we won't lose some people, I am sure they will....what was that thing that guy said?

oh yea...

In the mean time, I am gonna spend some time imagining what silly new name they will come up with....

People Doing Shit
Dorks in the High Desert
Unconventionally Intense Gym
Cranky Fitness
Not your Mother's Crossfit
We Lift for Pie


Friday, May 1, 2015

Happy Zia time

3 years? 

In honor of my Zia Crossfit very first workout...I have copied AND pasted the blog I wrote after my first 2 workouts at my new gym.  (fancy) This seems like a long time ago...Do I still suck at Crossfit, well, yeah....I don't think I suck anymore...and that is in large part to the community I stumbled into at Zia.

I have a better idea of what I can do and at this point; I would walk into any Crossfit gym or any gym for that matter and just do some damn work. 

I also know that the coaches at Zia have made me a better lifter and a much better thrower than I ever could have imagined I would ever be. 

Is it just a gym? life would not be the same with out gym home.


 May 3, 2012
So, the last few days I have been back in the gym.  A different gym.


5 X 3 Hang Cleans  at 95lbs
then 3 rounds of
9 Overhead Squats and 400 meter run

1 Rope Climb
50 jump roping
5 Burpees
Bear Crawl
Stone & Heavy Weight for Distance

Yes...I sucked...I actually went to this new gym on these two days because they were filled with so many things that I am either afraid of, or a cannot do, or I just plain hate.  (um running..I am looking at you.)

So many times on CrossFit blogs, there is talk of "there is no place for your ego"...blah blah blah. Well lemme just say, as much as I tried to just be present with where I am now, that hideous voice just took over.

"My god, you have been doing CrossFit for  how long and you still can't climb a rope?  do double unders? run faster than a turtle?"

"You'd be better off staying where it doesn't work, because at least they know where you came from."

" do that look like a jack ass."

Change is a challenge.  It challenges you ego, your beliefs about not only what you are doing but how you are doing it.  There is some quote about a rose only blooming once the pain of being a bud becomes too painful. So here I go, making another change...and I wonder if there couldn't have been a worse time for me to change my training.  I have less than a month before the International Master's Games and I have my kiddo's graduation from high school.  Shifts~changes~challenges. 

Last night, as I was watching some other folks workout, I had to fight back tears.  I don't even know why.  I missed something, a feeling of the familiar.  I also felt ridiculous for being so bad at everything, but I chose to come when it would be hard so I could see how I would handle the change.

But, I mean really....It is training...It is a about a "first world" problem. 

So, I suck...good for me...I have had a lot of suck the last couple of weeks.  Whatever.  I'll do it anyway. I am not sure there is a wrong time to change, it shows up when it shows up.  I am ready for it when I am ready I suppose. So here I go again...