Time

After I did that acting workshop a while back, I had a conversation with one of the other women who had done the class with me.  We talked a lot about the whole idea of the transfer of skills from theater to camera.  She is a SUPER skilled actor, but we both agreed that neither one of us made an immediate connection with the art form.  That the way we see ourselves as artists did not transfer to film.  That is ok...I mean...there are those that just are freakin' naturals...I am not...neither is she. 

Then she said something to me that shook me up a bit.

"I only have a certain number of years left and I have to make a choice about how I want to spend it."

We kinda looked at each other and talked a bit more about how much work it would take to get good at this new skill...and NOT whether or not we "could" figure it out, but if we had the time left to be willing to focus on it.

I left that conversation thinking about how much time I might have left to be "productive" and what that means.  After all, it is my job to describe what being productive means...there are only so many things that I have the time, the drive, the desire to focus on with the~hopefully~25 years or so I might have left.

It is not just the "what" of the focus...but the people too....the "who" is the most important piece.

I was struck by this during this past weekend...the variety of people who currently fill my life...the variety of things I focus on, or that drive me....the truly amazing people who fill my life and fill me up.

Why do we keep making choices that no longer serve us? 

Are we so afraid that saying yes to our own happiness will hurt the people around us?

Do we end up being owned by some idea of responsibility?

I just don't know..

Oh well...It is a dead lift day today...so at the very least I know what drives the dead lift....