Story time...

 Story/confession time.

Back in December, I had my first one on one training session with the new coach.  Not the freebie ~sample ~come the first time and see what you want session, but my first one on one.  Well, honestly, it may have been the second one, regardless....it was super new. I was brand new to this coach...

So, I do remember it was a Saturday, 7am.  Early for a weekend, so there were very few people in the gym...well, I get my fat ass on the ground and start the warm up...I have one of those classic moments...we have all had them, where I am on the ground, on my back and I thrust my legs up and out to get myself to a seated position.  Well, be honest, we all know what can happen in this moment right?

Pfffft....

Oh Lordy....I fart and not quietly.

Yup...ok, what to do...the music isn't loud enough to have covered it, there are not enough people in the gym for it to have possibly been anyone else, it was definitely loud enough for him to hear. 

Do I crack a joke? Do I ignore it? Do I leave immediately?

He says nothing...I say nothing. 

 

Ok then.  I stay and pretend nothing happened.

Then we move on to box squats. 

First warm up squat...on the box, my ass hits the box.  Oh god no...it happens again....I kinda look at him sideways but there is no change on his face...he is keeping it straight.  I think, well, maybe the sound of me hitting the box hid my shame...

We keep working and keep loading the bar...and it never stops.  I am clenching so god damn hard and yet...EVERY...SINGLE....SQUAT....

Pop  Pop  Pop.

I am not kidding.

EVERY SINGLE SQUAT.

New coach, young guy too~fat old lady, just over here squatting and cutting the cheese...

How in god's name does he keep a straight face, how does he not just say, " look I think this isn't a good fit," how did I ever walk back in that gym?

I still wonder if when he sees me walk in the gym, he thinks, "here comes the tooting queen."

 

Sigh....that's my story for today....happy squatting. And here's to all those coaches who just ignore the things we can't control and are will to just keep working on helping me get stronger and quicker and less gassy maybe too. Kidding....that'll never happen....I love broccoli too much.

oh no, it's April!

 Well,  

I had a long list of things I was going to write about.  And, well...hahahaha.  It didn't happen.

Work has been weird....I have been weird.....Other shit has been weird.

Ok so I AM still doing yoga.  Yea....every day.  Started throwing in the afternoons....well.....not last week or this week.  Why?  Ha...we have a fully sand back yard where I throw and the wind.  Yea, if you have lived in NM for more than a minute you know. April is hurricane/dust season.

Anywhoooo  I have also been focused on adding food.  Adding lots of food.....making sure I am getting a bunch of fruits and veggies and stuff.

No...I am not going on one more freaking diet....I am just adding some veggies.  

I have been super consistent at the new gym too and, as I said, with the yoga. Grant has heard me bitch or and over again about feeling like nothing is changing....like why don't I look....like...whatever....

I had an AHA moment in my car after the gym today.  

It doesn't fucking matter....that line of thinking is STILL steeped in bullshit diet culture. 

I realized in my car today, sore and HAPPY after 4x4 @ 300 deads and 4x5 @ 105 Bench Press and 4x4 @115 Front Squats...as well as a bunch of other stuff....that I was happy...why? Because I like moving this way...

It doesn't have to change me or "fix" me or make me look a certain way...

I can just fucking enjoy moving this way...and hopefully it will help me throw a little better.....which I also have seemed to forget also MAKES ME FUCKING HAPPY.....

Yea...I joke I am the "fat kid" at the gym...which I am...but no one seems to freaking care but me.(or if they do, who cares)

More fucking diet culture healing for your mastodon yoga~thrower friend...

More healing.