Monday, September 30, 2013

pre-Aztec and more ouchies.

I had a decent report from my doc the other day, right?  So, yeah I go down to throw on Sunday and I am feeling ok. I had a really nice start to my day on Saturday that really just put me in a happy place that is difficult to describe.  I know the shoulder will be fine.

So...I pick up a weight and as it comes around...I know I have made a mistake....something is wrong, the way I am coming around is just wrong. As soon as I release the

Pain...I keep throwing a little....I get some good coaching about my last turn on the WFD stuff.....I am actually slowing down.  And I am not getting my chest around which makes me release waaaay too high....

Gonna see Paul Tuesday.

That's all I got really.

I am super disappointed with the way I am throwing....been working on form, but all I feel is stiff.  I also feel like I have no connection to my power anymore....

Maybe it's the end of the season, maybe it's because I am chubby again, maybe it's my ridiculous life.

I already know I didn't meet very many of my goals for the year....the one revised goal after I had the heart stuff happen, was to end the year with a ranking in NASGA in the top 25....don't think that's gonna happen either.  I keep watching it drop week to week....yet I keep stuffing my face and feeling sorry for myself.

ok Aztec is Saturday....goal?

siiiigh....not hurt?  try not to cry?


Braemar   21'10"
LWD  63"4"
HH     62"
LH     73'9"
Sheaf  22'6"

Yeah...broken record  "I'd like 16 in WOB"  HWD...I dream of 40 some day.....

Highly doubt I am gonna get any of this or meet last years numbers at all.

I true goals?

1.  Enjoy my body and relish in the fact that it can move. It wasn't that long ago that a certain doc told me I'd be in a wheel chair soon.
2.  Spend some time down by the river.....just listening to the water.
3.  Be....quiet....
4. Enjoy this lovely highland family that doesn't really care how I throw, because they like spending time with me as much as I like spending time with them.

When I get back...BJ & Will & I have some thinking and planning to do....wheels are in motion...but I gotta find a little peace first.

Hey....have I thanked you for reading this ridiculous blog?

I really am humbled that you take the time to read my ramblings. 


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

doctor updates.

Have I mentioned before how much I love each and everyone one of the people on my "try to keep Mona Healthy" team?

Y'all know about the folks at Zia....first on the list in someways because they require my full participation.  They can't do squat unless I get my ass in the gym.  They can't do squat if I don't give it a real effort.  They are there...they help me out, but it really is in my court.

Y'all also know how I feel about Chuck and Grant pushing me to train...same sorta stuff as with Zia...I gotta do the work.

Then there is Dan Piburn.
I gotta show up, but all I do is lay on his table....and well, breathe....Love how he works these old muscles.

And Paul Scott....I know I have written a boat load about him too....saved me from shutting my whole physical self down and packing it in.  That is NOT an exaggeration.

Today I shall sing the praises of my regular doc....yeah the old western medicine sort....I freaking love her.  Well, she is a Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine  so, western, but more.  She has also helped me with my neck...she does these adjustment things...hard to describe and I know to some folks it doesn't feel like she does anything....micro movement sorts of stuff.  Makes a huge difference to me and my bones.

So today I saw her for my "annual" which isn't really annual any more...I think it's like every 3 years now?  ANYWAY...I also needed to talk to her about my knee and my shoulder.  Yeah, that weird bulging spot on my right knee that keeps sliding out and just aches and the shoulder...I have not talked about this yet, but my right shoulder...aches.  I can throw, but I can't really press overhead any more....So Dr. Musgrave moves me..and moves me, and moves the joints....and get this...she is HONEST with me.  She doesn't really understand what is happening to the knee.  What is clear is that it is NOT the joint. She thinks it might be my hamstring being over worked and possible tendinitis.  Her "prescription"....better warm ups and focus on that in the gym for a while.  Shoulder....again, not serious and she says definitely not the rotator's the acromioclavicular joint,  possible tendinitis due to over use...ha yeah.

She said we can do injections into the joint to release it, but given what I do and my sport, she tells me, "I can do injections, but I would rather you see an Orthopedic Surgeon, because I want you to have the best result." 

See why I like her?  She then tells and maybe some physical therapy....mobility exercises...may be enough, so call if that doesn't work and I'll get you a referral. 

I mention my recent weight gain...and with a straight face she says, "I'm not worried, you are under a lot of stress right now, but you are active and all your vitals are fine. You'll work it out and be fine."

Wow...thanks....I am not just a BMI.

I still feel like a chubby chubbikins....but the lack of patronizing and the respect was very cool.

So now what?

Gotta call Paul, have him play with the shoulder....and I gotta make that appointment we all love....time for some boobie smashing.

and I really want some cheesecake....sad isn't it?

Monday, September 23, 2013

Post something....

Numbers numbers.....I didn't write them down....

I know I did better on the stones....
16 WOB still lives rent free in my head.
Sheaf....didn't even attempt the numbers I should have....

This though...this was the good stuff...the AZian Invasion.

If you look friend Patty is in the back round too....

The games were fun...I never really did get my competitive juices up and flowing. I would like to blame the late season game stuff, but was me.  I learned a painful lesson this weekend, oddly enough, during competition, about holding things in too long,  about saying, "i'm ok" over and over because I wanted to make it true. You know the fake it til you make it thing. 

It has worked in a bunch of games so far, so why not now?  Perhaps because I was surrounded by family.  Lots and lots of family. 

Family, theater family, work family, gym family, highland family.....all came together...all came to this ren fair and stopped by the field.  Either to hang for a bit or just say hi or to get motivated to sign up for Sunday (5 did!) was all wonderful and surprising to me.

Perhaps feeling all this support let something loose in me.  Filled my heart so much that it had to let go. Boy oh by did I crack.  And you know what happened?

no one died...not even me.
no one hates me
no one laughed at me
no one said I was over reacting

all this family....really was family to me this weekend....

Imma be a little fragile for a while I am afraid....and I may just write about it, or not...I may not write at all for a while,  I hate coming off as ungrateful.

You know I still remember the words of my friend Crow while she was coaching me back when I first started Crossfit, "Just be thankful you can move Mona..Just be thankful you can move." 

Not sure why that popped in my brain just now...but it is important to me right now, to this moment in time.  Everything passes....the good, the troubling, even kidney stones, and bad beer, as long as I keep moving. 

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Santa Fe

oh we are again, two days away from the Santa Fe games...

so...a reminder to myself...trying to meet or beat last years numbers, which could be pretty tough, I was throwing well at this point last year...although I was nursing a slightly damaged knee.

Braemer         21'6"   (it's a 17 pound stone...ugh)
Open              28'2"   (11lbs)
Light WD       59'3"
HH                 63'11"
Sheaf             22"

WOB & Heavy WFD will be with the 28 so you know, I am chasing the same goals I always seem to chase. 

Unlike last year, with were the "dusty celtic games" these may be the "muddy celtic games." Training leading up to these games has been sketchy at best....the week after Pleasanton...nothing at all, last week...super light and I basically wanted to quit every lift....this week, Monday started out well, I was able to get Back Squats in at 275...but Tuesday was...well...a challenging evening...I let myself feel super small and cowered in a corner so to speak, and never went to the gym....yesterday...went to the gym, worked on throwing things, but I had body work in the afternoon and I was not really feeling like I should lift.

And food?

Good god, I was joking with Dan yesterday while I was on his table, that it didn't seem to matter what emotion has come up lately they are all either celebrated or stuffed down with crappy food. 

I know better, I really do.  I know I am the one stuffing my face...yet there I go.  I always start the day well...Funny too, I know somewhere deep down that if I was really fueling my body well, I could handle the chaos in my life much better...

Just not doing it right now. 

I hate feeling like a chubbikins, wondering if my kilt will even fit. 

The good, non-whiney stuff?  There are gonna be a couple of folks from the gym throwing...a cool cool crew of ladies coming in from Arizona to check out our laid back games...and one of my favorite throwers who is on a break from the games is gonna come and watch.  Who knows, it might get her to throw again.

And Hell Sarah Bronner bought a kilt....wheee!

Best conversation of the week?

me: so you got a PR?

Vivi: yeah.

Me: dead lift?

Vivi: all of them...

Me: what?

Vivi: (sigh) all of them mom...

Me: ok cool....I didn't know that.

Santa Fe Games & Ren Fair

Monday, September 16, 2013

Sorry and thank you

I wanna apologize...I have been letting the events of the last few months cloud my ability to be positive and grateful....

I thought I was..but I realized that when I post something that to me sounds or feels like a step forward or a positive growth thinggy, and I get comments that tell me I'll be ok or don't be so hard on yourself...that what I think is me writing positively clearly isn't!  I'm trying really! lauighing....

and here is something cute....

Ok on that stupid note...

About a year ago, it just so happens, during the Santa Fe Games, I had a couple of amazing things happen.

I had only been with Zia CrossFit for a few months.  As the games started I realized that there were a whole crew of Zia folks who came out to see what I was always talking about in the gym.  Some of them I had only really worked out with a few times.

This sort of support for me and for others in the gym has been unflagging.  I have spent the year since in a strength program, then back to Crossfit, then backing off due to heart issues and now feeling almost ready to hit something hard again. 


Through all of these changes, BJ and Will have always shown support for what I do and  they have pushed me gently during the health issues.  Encouraging me to come lift in the corner, never worried that I might let a hammer fly in the gym, trying to get me to be less afraid.

It isn't just BJ and Will and Travis and Mark either...I think that the atmosphere that they create spills over all of us.  In the past year...a good number of people have become certified in both Crossfit and by USAW, I have seen people try new things, weightlifting competitions, triathlons, shooting, paintball, swimming challenges, throwing heavy stuff,  a few even took the fire fighter's test, beer runs, even bowling (which I missed~SIGH)...and yea...I am probably forgetting a bunch. 

Anyway, where is this rambling headed? 

I am thankful you have allowed me to be a part of your gym, that you have invested your time and energy into me and my unusual sport.

I am throwing in Santa Fe this weekend and I hope that I can make Zia proud of the work I have been able to do, in large part because of the hard work and inspiration of the entire community in my crazy gym.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Dress lessons

I did workout yesterday.

I think.

It was super lame, completely unmotivated....I am feeling, weird.  My morning had put me in a place of just wanting to be snuggled up in bed all day.  Went to the gym and I could not shake just wanting to go home...home...home.

I warmed up, I think...then decided to squat even though it wasn't really a squat day.  The squats were so taxing on Monday I wanted to just move a little weight.  Shane came over and asked me what I was up to,  I said Squats & cleans.. I that order he asked.....  He said he does more complex moves first...solid reasoning, but I just needed to move my legs.  He agreed with me...for my squat first.  Boy oh boy did I go light.

Faith came over and I bitched and moaned to her that 135 felt heavy.

yeah   135...

Moved to the know my favorite lazy back hold for 3 second hang cleans....couldn't get 125 up.  Oh well...worked WFD too, and I was on a lazy river going no where.

More than a week off is posing challenges......that and my head....

So, when I got back from the games in Enumclaw, I had a little bit of winnings...I used most of it to payoff the airline ticket, but I also decided to buy myself something.  See, I have a friend who is a clothing designer. I already have one of her dresses that I adore. I saw this on her Instagram page... is a link to her page...


Now, she and I go way back and she sent me colors and patterns and all sorts of stuff to think about.  I had to be honest with her know her stuff is amazing, but you know...she doesn't look like me, nor do her models...BUT she did already make me something that I love...sigh....old demons come up. I send her my measurements, she assures me that this one especially is made for any's a wrap after all. forward...Monday...I get a package in the mail...

dang, even her labels are cute...

I throw the package in the car and go to pick up Vivi from school,  I open it up and I just hold the dress on my lap.  I get home, I leave it in the car....I can't bring myself to put the dress on, to see if it even fits.  The colors and the patterning are inspired....Blues and

I fold it back up and think, I can't wear won't look right on me...I am too heavy right now, I am not her normal client, I won't do her artistry justice...a whole day I do this shit to  Now frankly, years ago, I may have bought the dress and NEVER put it on.  I got up the next morning, looked at my heavy athlete ass in the mirror after my shower and said to myself that you are disrespecting Kristen and her work by NOT putting it on. 

So...I put it on....and you know what, she is right, it fits this heavy yet athletic body just fine.

And you know what else?  I am not waiting for "the right occasion" to wear it. 

I might just wear it to the grocery store tomorrow....

and here is her link again....cause you know, I think she is all sorts of fabulous.


Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Goals and a neck they are, my numbers from the Santa Fe Games in 2012

Braemer         21'6"   (it's a 17 pound stone...ugh)
Open              28'2"   (11lbs)
Light WD       59'3"
HH                 63'11"
Sheaf             22"

Oh, big sheaf that day...won't beat that one.  Notice Heavy WFD and WOB are missing....why? yes I threw Master's last year which is with the 21....will be throwing the 28 in Santa Fe this year.

These are good numbers, about what I am throwing now.....Not sure I'll actually be able to improve. I will try not to beat myself up about that. As for the heavies?  Yeah, I am shooting for high 30's and would be GREAT to finally get that 16' is a monkey on my back.  It's been there well over a year.

Part of that fear thing that I was talking about in the last blog.

Worked out Monday....

Just some hammer work...WFD foot work....then some back squats. This is insane, but I was so freaking happy to be under a bar.  It is so bizarre to me, I felt all sorts of better with a heavy (well, not all that heavy) bar on my back.  I went light.

3X5  95 135 185
3X3  185 205  205

The 205 felt so heavy, but that's ok....I was worn out, sore, and had been gone a week.....well, almost two weeks when you factor in the time for the trip to Pleasanton as well.

On another topic~I had some work done on my neck by Dan. 


I had an epiphany while on the table.  I was struggling....I was dealing with my heart racing a bit while I was on the table....and for whatever reason, I could not tolerate my face in the face cradle was freaking me out. Well, Dan....just goes with it.  He started at my feet.  Lots on my feet, my calves, my glutes.

He then gets into my right shoulder.  I was in pain....I felt pain....did I say it hurt?  I stayed with him.  I trust him...he stayed with me....

When he finished...he had not touched my neck.

He had not "worked on my neck." 

I said to Dan, "I am so used to having 'my neck pain' but I don't think this is about my neck.  I think other things go wrong and I assume it is my neck..."

He assured me, "the neck hurts....but starts somewhere else...and we only touched it today."

I am some how gonna come up with the cash and see him again next week...cause for the first time in months, as I sit here and type this silly blog...I am pain free....

Some how...I know this is tied to fear.

Did I mention? I am not in pain....

Monday, September 9, 2013

blah blah break today I get to go back to the gym....but of course it is a crazy busy day.  Gonna be a squat day so who am I to say no to that?

Vivi starts her acting class again her schedule in the gym is shifting too....I may have to start hitting noon classes again.

I did go throw yesterday.  Guess what happened?  I tweeked my back.

How you ask? Oh let me share the joys of being a mid-life-crisis-athlete.

I go out in the field to shag hammers before I throw...a doozie comes at me and I zig with my feet and zag with my upper body.

Yeah...hurt my back standing in the field.


It's fine today...just sore and yes I am still a little sore in my neck, but I get to have the Magic Hands of one Mr. Dan Piburn on me tomorrow.  Wheeeee!!!  I didn't really throw all that much, never even picked up a heavy hammer....but I threw a little...and didn't die.

I have a confession to make, I have done something really dumb this morning....

Team Challenge

I already have 3 games through November, but I have never done a team challenge...I am a curious sort...and I woke up this morning with this on my mind.  So I signed up.

Yeah, I know in my last blog I think I said I wasn't even gonna do the games I had already signed up for....

What is WRONG with me???

Ok 4 more games this year....I'd like to figure out my goals for each of these...I may just pull last years numbers, much like I did for Pleasanton....just see if I can beat myself from last year.  I am also only throwing Open Master's Class in these final games.  I had some sort of reason and I can't really remember if it was a decent reason or not....something about my final ranking in  NASGA.  I had this idea that I wanted to finish in the top 25 when the year was all finished.

Not sure it really matters any more...given both my health and emotional struggles at the moment. Hell, maybe it never really mattered...I mean, it was only an arbitrary number I gave to myself.

Got to do some more thinking about my training too...I mean, I came no where near the goals I had set for myself this year, yet I did make small gains within the structure of the heart troubles I had this year.  So maybe that ain't too shabby....

I think my biggest struggle with throwing and training is really fear....  couple of other things too....maybe it's time I deal with those fear issues before I start trying to train for Scotland.

Stupid head.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Bitch is tired.

Ok here is my further analysis of my experience at Pleasanton.

Bitch is tired.

I haven't even pulled or LOOKED at photos on my camera.

I haven't cleaned out my games bag.

I realized something really cool though.....I left it all on the field.  I am spent.  So my big decision for the week?  Not hitting the gym.

Yup, I have dragged this kitty out again...I shall be resting and repairing until Sunday when I will hopefully be in a better place physically to throw.  Then the gym will be mine. 


I also need to dial in my food....I have been a mess when it comes to what I put in my mouth (stop giggling).  Today started with a bang, until I bought a piece of cheese cake.  I feel especially chubby...oh well.

Got this from a dear friend~

I will be....nope.... I am.....

Now, back to the couch, and the foam roller, and the lacrosse balls, and real food....yeah...

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

More later.....

I am overwhelmed today.  I am not sure I have ever been this sore post games.  I clearly need to take a look at what I am doing post games and adjust it.  I am not young and this weekend served as an amazing reminder.

BUT..I at least promised the numbers, right?

Well...I did not do what I had hoped....I did not improve every throw.

The worst thing~the throw I didn't improve?  Fucking stone...I have been drilling that hard in the gym....sigh.

Ok  as a reminder:

Last year:
Braemer  23'2" (they have HUGE stones)
Open       25'4"
HWFD    29'3"
LWFD    55'4"
HH         56'10.5"
LH          75'5.75"
WOB      15'  (of course)

This year:
Braemer  22'2" Really? A FOOT drop?
Open       26'6"  Whee  Really? a foot?  :)
HWFD    45'9"  Yeah don't get too excited, it's with the 21....still I think its a PR
LWFD    61'10" Not bad, not a PR, but happy when it's over 60.
HH         64'  Not bad improvement from last year (not a PR)
LH          85'6"  On my first throw and the first throw of the day!
WOB      19'2"  Hit the bar at 20....but there was an issue...more on that snafu later...(21)

AND caber....holy moly....on day 2 the challenge caber was light but crazy long, I was the only master to turn it...ugly, but I turned it. The championship caber? yikes 85ish pounds like 17 feet?  something stupid.  Our judge says to me," you qualified to try, you sure you want to?" hmmmm no...I said ok, "once."  Well...I picked it...dropped it....he said, "come on, one more?"  SO I did...Picked it off my shoulder....maybe 25 or 30 degrees.....I acted like I got a 12.  I didn't care I tossed it!
Tried again, but picked and dropped,  But hell, I hung in there with the young women.  Thing that helped me the most?  Adriene yelling at me from the side telling me I can do it.  Love her...really do.

Here it is~sideways...but I don't know how to change this sort of thing...

Challenge caber

I might write again later today or tomorrow...but I have 2 auditions tomorrow and this old woman has lines to learn.

I really understand why some people consider this the end of the season.  I am worn out, spent, tired, sore.

Not sure I wanna throw again this year.

Over all....such a thrill to be asked to throw in these games.....they have a new trophy for the Master's Women, so we were part of the closing ceremony.  WOW....yeah that horse track was FULL~the Mass band thing was...AMAZING.  Think if I get asked back, I'll always stay for that. 

On a personal note, I was missing my dad this weekend.....odd.