Friday, September 28, 2012

Conversation of the week.

Me:  Why won't you look at me this morning?

Vivi: You are disgusting.

Me:  Oh, really? Sorry.

Vivi: (Turns away because she is laughing.)

Me: What?

Vivi:  You are gross.

Me: Ok. (I burp)

Vivi:  Really?  (laughs uncontrollably)

Sometimes, I love my mornings.

I lifted some stuff last night too.

Press  (UGH)

2x5 45
1x5 70
1x3 90
1x2 110 Nope, didn't get this up. way...not happening.
3x5  95 Slow painful, supposed to be 135..ha ha ha.

Dead Lifts

2x5 125
1x3 190
1x2 270
1x3 320  Supposed to be 5...but as BJ said...he turned the magnets in the floor back on so I couldn't get it off the floor.

Push Press

2x5 45
1x5 70 
1x3 90
1x2 110
2x3 135  I actually got these working sets!  The last time I worked this lift, I was unable to do sets of 2....I could not lower the bar to my chest.  Last night I did! I was kinda happy about that. Even though I absolutely did not want to go back to the bar after the first set.  I did, so there it is.

Finished the night with 35 pound back extensions.....  over all a good night.  I am tired, but it felt like a good working evening.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Saturday, at the end of the competition....when I finished open stone....I was coming around the athletes area when an older gentleman I have never seen waved me over.  He had a big fancy camera and said that he had taken some shots of me that he thought I should see. 

uh I in trouble?  what the hell did he catch on film?

He had taken a series of high speed photos of my final open stone first I wasn't sure it was me.  I mean really, why would this guy take photos....It is not one of my best events.  I struggle to stay low until I throw...struggle as usual with my hip...blah blah blah.  What I saw surprised me...I stayed low...I popped that could really see it in these photos...and the throw he caught on film was over 28 feet...with that nearly 12 pound stone.  I have never thrown that particular stone that far..and there it was ...on film....

Kinda cool to see.  Cooler still was that this man took the time to show it too me.  It was really touching.  Then he sent me over the edge.

He said,  "It is great so see athletes work...."  he was talking

So last night..I went back at it. The weights I mean.  I wanted to test my knee.

Back Squat
2x5 45  these feel GOOD!
1x5 110
1x3 165
1x2  220  I was scared when I put this on the bar....the new TK knee band things are really great though...make me more aware of my form.

2x5 250  I am still working on the 10% reduction thing so this was supposed to be 280.  These were...ok...well for my knee.  I did think my heart might pop out of my ribs...

Final set was only 3.  I felt great though....knee is so much better...still crabby~not stabby.

Bench Press

2x5 45
1x5 70
1x3 95
1x2 125  ooof
2x5 140  I started the first set strong, but dropped the bar too quickly to recover it.  Did 4 in the final set..and again...I think my left eye popped out of my head.

Looks like I might be dropping the 10% on the bench press too. 

Another game in 2 weeks....and some of the folks from Zia are coming up to is gonna be a rowdy good time!

Monday, September 24, 2012

love songs

So, driving somewhere recently, I heard a song on the la la...I would die for la la...

I thought to myself, "I have heard that before in songs...over and over and over in fact."

When did dying for someone become the test of the depth of your love for a person?  Was it Shakespeare?  Can I blame him?  Probably older than that.....

I think I can come up with at least 10 or 15 circumstances in which I might give my life for someone that I don't even know...I mean really...can't you? 

Things I would NOT do for a stranger:

1. Get up at 5AM to make sure they have clean clothes for work.

2. Start their coffee, even though you don't drink coffee.

3. Iron a canvas Kilt

4. Suffer though yet another hot sweaty Celtic festival.

5. Gently remind them to eat better.

6. Know when they have had a shitty week and even though it isn't healthy, make a cake and hand them a glass of whiskey.

7. Start a pillow fight.

8. Heat up a bath towel in the dryer on the first really cold day of Fall.

9. Know that they are awesome, even when they don't know it themselves.....

I guess no one wants to hear love songs about coffee in the morning though.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

supple or not....

Dammit....somebody buy me this book....


Never mind...I think I may buy a case and pass them out.  (dreamland folks~dream land.)

So, knee was feeling quite sore, but not stabby and I knew I needed a day off from my attempts at lifting with the crabby knee.  I spent about an hour and a half going through videos on Mobility WOD at the suggestion of Will..yeah, well, yes I was at work, but the boss wasn't in's ok?  right?

I wrote down a list of I think about 10 or 12 mobility things about the knee....which just so you know, cause I didn't, really means a crap ton of mobility work on the ankle and the hip...not really the knee itself.  I really like the info they have...mainly because it requires you to be the responsible one.  You need to be thoughtful about your own body.

I was kinda proud of myself, (ugh I know how that sounds) for digging into this info for myself....for coming up with my own plan.  I did not depend on someone else to come up with this piece for me...I hurt my damned self...I need to fix it.  Now...I was pointed in the right direction by my coaches... :)


I spent a full hour doing mobility...nothing else.

First thing I learned...this shit takes patience!  2 minute holds on each of these moves is a whole lot longer than it sounds...

Second thing....this shit works.

The knee feels better...not great...but I can squat again.  I also made my own "voodoo bands" when I got home....Bike tubes!

I did lift on Tuesday; Bench Press and Cleans.  The cleans were power cleans cause squatting hurts and I only went to 115. The Bench Press is coming along for me...3x5 at one rep max when I started was yea.....

I will lift light today and do the throwing drills that BJ gave me....Friday is rest and eating sushi in preparation for the games on Saturday.

mmmm sushi...and mobility...mmmm

In case you have some free time on Sat...

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

good news and bad....

The best news of the day....drum roll please...

Vivi got her mid~quarter grades..... 5 As and 2 (very high) Bs....These are her first grades in Middle Vivi!  Now we wait to see what the "Kid in College" pulls off for his midterms.

Sunday, Pierre and I went down to ABQ for practice...I really needed to go down because we were working WFD and Caber.  Pierre threw cute)....I worked for a long bit on WFD.....a long time. Trying to clean up feet...which I started to look at....trying to remember I have hips.....trying to clean up where to look as I throw.....trying to clean up the little issue I have with bending forward....I ended up getting a couple of good throws in, not far...I was too tired at that point to have much power left. But perhaps, in hindsight....I worked too legs felt tired~my knee was tired...but I felt fine.  Caber was good...Chuck giving me more specific corrections...I almost turned "red" but I got a lovely caber kiss instead.  I shall turn that caber soon!

Next morning...actually, at about 3 AM I awoke with a nasty sharp pain behind my knee cap. Cracking weirdness when I straightened my leg....hurt to drive.....can't get off a chair.

Great job Mona....great timing....

First thing I think, "See, I told you, you are too old to have tried this crap....I knew you would hurt yourself."

Really? I immediately go there?  I stopped dead in my kitchen and said, out loud..."shut up." Which for me, is progress!

I am used to a certain amount of pain...but stabby sharp pain in my knee? um, yuck.

I decide to go to the gym....I know how that sounds....but I am so close to finishing this lifting program...AND...I know these guys are super knowledgeable about mobility...I mainly work mobility.  I look at the squats for me!  So, I just do shoulder presses. MY FAVORITE.

2X5 45
1x5  70  I have to shake out my leg...even at this weight....even though I am not "using" it.
1x3  90
1x2  110...I looked at this and laughed...I have yet to crack the 2 reps at 110 looks just stupid...and I am tired and annoyed at my knee.  I load up the bar anyway...and wouldn't you know..I get the damn 110...both reps.

 3x5  (supposed to be 130!) I unloaded the bar to 90.  I did all of the sets.

Then I did good mornings....

4x10  62.5 

At this point I kinda felt like crying....everyone around me is working 75 power snatches...getting measurements....they are signing up for a 9 week challenge.  I decided not to do it because of the I can't lift and I just felt....stupid.

As I was leaving...BJ kinda followed me toward the door....He asked me how I felt about the games this weekend....if I was nervous.  I was kinda short with him I think, I didn't mean to be, but I was hurting at that point and feeling LAME.....I said no,  but then I thought about it...I always get nervous.  I think that is part of the charge of competing, isn't it?  I don't care if the games are "small" or "low key." I even said to BJ...I always chase after PR's. 

I feel pressure too because these are my "home" games and I am hoping that some folks will come see me for the first time. I feel pressure to keep working on form so that I can reach my longer term goals.  I feel pressure because some folks who have never seen what I do, may come to see these games~BJ being one of them....I suddenly had this fear that he will come watch this thing I do....that he has invested a bunch of his time in and think...geeez, that's stupid.

BUT...I know that comes from my prior experience with a trainer......I know he is not like that at all..... he respects what the athletes in his gym do, even if he doesn't do it himself.  That's part of what makes him such a good trainer. 

I wanted to yell shut up again like I had in my kitchen, but I think that might have been hard to explain to BJ that I was saying that to me...not him.


As for the knee?  I had two people tell me, " It is your ACL" Blah...who knows.  The swelling is greatly reduced today~better than that...I got out of bed this morning without stabby pain. It feels...sore...but not terrible like yesterday.  I feel tentative...cautious.

Nothing really to do about that.....especially for Saturday.  I think I will have to avoid squats all week and be gentle with my knee and with myself.

Throwing tentatively is still better than the years I spent sitting on the damn couch watching my life go by instead of participating in it...

Thursday, September 13, 2012

thursday numbers and winter clothing

So...lifting last night...

Shoulder Press (ugh)
Push press
Weighted Back Extensions (25lbs)

2x5 45
1x5 65
1x3 85  I am keeping good form on these...using the belt too....working my breath. Thinking...tonight will be the night..I will finally push through that 105 barrier.
1x2 105
Working sets..

They are, at this point supposed to be at 127.5.  I have yet to crack past 105...I don't freakin' know why.... so I load the bar to 115...nope....drop it to 100.  sigh.

3x3 at 100


I have had trouble with these...have not been able to get a working set off the ground...

2x5 125  Speedy!
1x3 185
1x2 265  not so speedy many as I can(the goal being 5)  315...ooooga.  I got 2.

Push Press

2x5 45
1x5 75
1x3 90 This feels HEAVY...I feel like I am running out of steam.
1x2 115
3x2  132.5  well well.  I got this, but I could not re~rack.  It feels too scary coming back down on my chest. I did 5 of these...with the final lift being the quickest, cleanest lift. 

I have 5 weeks left (I know it seems longer than 12 weeks cause I had breaks built in) and I feel like I have started to do something wrong.  The weights get heavier and heavier, but I am not doing the numbers of reps or sets I am supposed to be doing.  I think at this point, I need to pull back the 10% if I can't do a full working set. That is written into the programming for a reason.  I need to get a certain volume of lifts....sheer get stronger.  I need to talk to BJ about it, but I am wondering if it is less beneficial to do say 3x3 of back squats at 260 vs. doing 3x5 at 235.

I am worried, I already struggle doing math while I am lifting heavy...sigh.

Having an interesting thing happen with clothing.  As it gets cold...I drag out things I have not worn in a while.  Y'all know I do NOT weigh myself any more. So, pulling pants out...they fit in the waist...kinda but they don't fit anymore...over my freaking thighs.  My thighs....ok then...I guess I'll wear skirts all winter?  Not sure that I will actually find clothing that fits a "Mona started heavy lifting" body.  I already have a giant my thighs.  They don't really look any different to me, but they sure do to my clothing.

I also noticed something about the photos getting posted from the last games.  I can look at them without cringing.  I can see that objectively, I don't look any different..I am not any thinner or more fit...but I think something is finally shifting in my tiny tiny brain about how I perceive myself....

I didn't really want to say that out loud, since the Santa Fe games are coming up...and I may hate all of those pictures, but I was thinking that perhaps if I could say it out loud..."that is a good photo" that perhaps it will be easier to say the next time....easier to see the strong woman in the photo....the more confident woman...that....happy person....

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

neck, doctors, and arthritis oh my.....

I have been actively seeking relief for my neck issues for almost two years...had a third treatment with this new doc yesterday.  She is working not just on the neck, but on the SI joint and the tail bone.  She has explained it to me twice, but I never remember the names of things...short hand is that there is some sort of connection between the top of the spine and...well, I guess the bottom of the spine. So she treats both to relieve neck pain. 

Something let go big time yesterday...a huge release in a nasty spot on the right side~right at the top of the spine.  I could feel it letting go...cause my right foot got hot...yeah, I know that's weird...but my foot got hot...then my hands...both of them....started to tingle. 

She reminded me to drink lots of water...I asked if I could workout...Yup...

Then I asked the question.... "So, what are your thoughts on my neck at this point?"

"The arthritis is really will never go away,  but you can keep it from flaring up.  You have structural anomalies in your neck as well...possibly from trauma and the damage from the arthritis.  If you don't feel much better from this last treatment....this may be about as good as it ever gets for you."

Not what you really want to hear your doc say...but what are ya gonna do?

I am guessing she saw my face fall a little....

She then added..."I have your old records, You have taken control of your health, really gone after it. Most people don't do that." is better than it was two years ago.  Maybe this is as good as it gets and maybe that is ok. I am still loose today...mostly pain free.  It is, thankfully, hard to remember how much pain I used to be in...So I will keep seeing her...and I will keep seeing Paul....and I will keep seeing Dan.  I know if I could, I would see them more often, but I will do what I can.

I am having a tough time with the whole feeling healthy thing...I realized that I keep having these moments where I am convinced I am having a stroke, or I joke that the pain must be cancer...I realized that I saw my sister go through the same thing as she hit her mid 40's.  By this time in his life, my Father was already very ill...

When I was young, I was told it was lung wasn't. It was some odd ball spinal cord cancer that had spread throughout his whole body...
I think this is in the back of my head...this fear that the weird ass cancer he had will just show up. Truth be could...or any other such weird thing.  Life is unpredictable. My sister...she went through a period leading up to age 49 (when my Dad died) that she had every test you could ever imagine..I think that is why I panic so much when the numbness shows up....when my neck hurts...even though I know it is arthritis.

So...I guess I will just keep throwing...lifting....moving...and getting treatment. He was so young when he first became ill...I really don't remember much about him, except his cancer. I do think of my Father sometimes when I am on the field and imagine he would get a kick out of me throwing heavy crap around. 

Monday, September 10, 2012

pass the butter....take 3.

Crab conversation~

They:  So, what happens now?

Me: Huh?

They:  Since you took first at those games, what happens now?

Me: *confused look on my face* um, hopefully I will get some invitations to some other games.

They:  Is that it?

Me:  ummm

They: I thought it would be something better than that....

Me:  ummm....I don't know. 

They:  Doesn't really seem worth it then.

Me:  Oh...Well...I love it.(then I walked away)

Made me laugh the rest of the day.

Sooooo,  Friday.....

Had my first beer wod post workout...I only had one rep though, since I had to drive.  I had not yet brought beer to the Friday night workout....I definitely wanted to bring it as a thank you for all the support.

Friday night was Shoulder Press, Squats, Good mornings, Crush work...

Started with Shoulder presses.  I thought...attack this fresh...Still cannot break 105.  I did 2 sets of 2 at 105....but really, I slapped on 115...could not budge it.  110....nope.  I got a little pissy...but oh well...

Loaded for back squats...have not gone heavy in 2 weeks so I looked at the working sets and just sort of figured I would have to drop the weight.  As I started to work...everyone around me was doing weighted pull inspiring to much weight swinging around the gym.

2x5 45
1x5 100
1x3 150  this felt heavy...which made me laugh at myself...cause I knew it was gonna be a rough one...Matt S looked at me and Mona...I didn't even realize I wasn't.

1x2 200  not heavy...can someone please explain that to me???

working sets...

Load it up, get under it....I can hold it at least....down up....3 times.

second set....down up...down...ugh...dumped it.

Third set...a couple folks are watching me now...I manage 3 again..shocked the shit outta me...

2 sets of 3 at 255.... with a bonus 1 rep thrown in there..

I get the good mornings done, the grip work...then I move to some pull ups. How could I not after watching all these people do weighted ones?  There are 4 levels of bands at the gym...white, green, red, then the thinnest purple.  They take off a certain amount of your body weight to help you do pull ups.  I have been on the green...for a looooong time.  I did my first 2 sets on the green and I realized I was doing chest to bar pull ups...


Time to try...time to push.  So I wrap that red band around my foot for my last set....and I get them all done.  I have a feeling I have found my next target.....get off of those bands completely for my birthday.

On Saturday...I am TOAST.  Hot damn...but~it was my butt that hurt...back was fine and dandy.  So even though I know I broke form a bit on that last set of squats...I know I was still lifting properly....

Threw on Sunday too......then lots and lots of was a pretty nice weekend!

Back to the doctor today....more work on my neck....

Friday, September 7, 2012


Yeah yeah...any one who reads this already knows that I climbed a rope on Wednesday.  I had thought I *might* get this accomplished by my birthday next year...but there I was after working on cleaning up my~clean, when I looked at the rope and knew I had to get back on it...just practice the foot hold again.  As I head up the rope...I hear both Will and Pam are almost there...I had a twinge of fear...and Will said...take a bigger bite....I think I did...I finished the climb.  Then BJ was trying to get me down the damn thing...that was scary.

It is weird to think that I learned this physical skill that I was told when I was young that I would never do...that when I started Crossfit, I told myself I would never be able to do.  Seems like there is a bunch of that in my life right now. I feel like perhaps I should sit down and write out a bunch of goal numbers for the lifts I am working on. I seem to do better when I have a number in mind....I have done that for my throwing goals....I also seem to do better when people are watching me.  Pushing me...the self directed thing doesn't seem to work as well in the physical area for me....I must be an attention whore or something....sigh.  It's is one of the reasons that Crossfit works for me.  Going to the gym alone or trying to work out on my own...not so much.  I need a community.

I am planning on putting something else in my sights....not sure what yet.  There are so many *basic* things I keep telling myself I can't do....  :)

All this "doing shit I have never done" crap made me think of a book I started to read last year when my life seemed to be headed down a scary path.  It is called What Happy People Know. 

"Courage, they say, is not the lack of fear, but the ability to take action in spite of it. But where does that ability come from? What power grants the strength to overcome the sick, shaky feeling of fear? 
Only one power is that strong: love.....
Fear impels us to survive, and love enables us to thrive."

Now...I know my climbing a stupid rope has very little to do with real, running into burning buildings, kinds of courage... but I am struck by the choice of love over fear.  I do believe it is a choice...I have seen this in the last 9 months or so in bright~shining ways.  Honestly, I have never felt so much love in my life...and so much of this had to do with letting go of old, cobweb laden fears about not being enough.  Suddenly, my life is filled with the sorts of people who celebrate themselves in an honest way and I am celebrated and lifted up by them. I also see things in old friends that I never knew were there...and love them~in a new way.

I wonder sometimes if we are even really able to *feel* someone loving us or if what I am experiencing is my love for them...perhaps that is why we are always told, you cannot really love someone~until you love yourself.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

back to the gym.

Last night..

People at Zia we so sweet to me last is so great to feel supported.  As I have been looking at photos, I am very pleased that you can see the Zia patch on my kilt....I know there is a measurable impact from the training into my throwing.  Beyond that there is a respect for what I am doing that makes me know~they know how important this is to me...even if it is an unusual persuit.


Back to the program...backed in the last week I lifted.

Bench Press
Romanian Dead Lifts
Crush work

Something is not clicking in my cleans any more....I am dropping a significant amount of weight and I can't seem to get under the bar after I get to about 125...I think maybe tonight I'll just work drills with a PVC or something.  I thought maybe I was just tired...but when I hit the bench I was able to do some heavy (for me) presses...

oh well.

Seems like everything is about form....something is freaking me out about the clean...

I have 3 games left this year...I still can't believe I threw so much this year.

Santa Fe  Sept 22
Aztec NM  Oct 6
Tucson AZ  Nov 3

Busy Fall....Kim may just talk me into the Boxtober competition too....  I know things are about to shift back toward my artistic life....I hope I am able to balance all this work out.  I know I still have my long range goal on my at home.

I guess I can think of that silly poster...what am I going to do today that will get me closer?

cleans...I can work on fixing my clean.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

too many thoughts, lots of work to do.

Happy Tuesday...

I know that if you read this blog, you know I was off this past week in the Bay area at my very first (hopefully not only) invitational games.  To say that the festival in Pleasanton is big is quite an understatement. 

I think of Buddy the Elf...this festival is GINORMOUS.

My intention was to write as I went along, keep a running journal so to speak, I figured I might forget too many things to be able to post it all after the games.  As things happen, I didn't have web access early in the trip and so I sort of unplugged~then once I did have access, I was having too much fun being really connected to folks that I just let it go.  Turns out I was right though...I have too many thoughts in my head...and I know this will probably ramble and jump and not say what I really mean to say.

I got to see Jane and Kerry... two dancers I worked with 8 or 9 years ago...they were both so generous with their time and attention...It was interesting to chat these nearly 10 years on about how much our bodies have changed, what we all do now to try to care for these bodies...theirs worn from the hard work of being dancers, mine nearly lost to neglect and self hatred. 

I got to spend lots of time was nice to feel good about being alone.  Time spent remembering to look up...look out....I saw so many people on the street and on the docks and in restaurants looking down at their phones....I am guilty of that more and more these days....I put it away and looked.  At the sky, at water, fog, sea lions, in peoples eyes.  I spent time just silent...hours...I honestly don't know when the last time is that I did that, but I need more of it. I spent an insane about of money having lunch alone at a window looking out at Alcatraz. I sat there for almost two hours....not feeling lonely, just lucky.

At the end of my little walking adventure in San Fran, I met up with Sara, Michelle, and Michelle's daughter....It was a great cap off to the day...sadly I ended up with a smart Mona, really smart. I got my butt back on the BART to Oakland...It was funny, so many people texted me to "be careful." Now I get it, I see the news...I hear the stories...Oakland has a reputation..but I got off the train and decided to wait for Kerry to pick me up. I sat back and just to to see people, to watch people.  The first thing I see are fruit, blueberries, raspberries, peaches, all sorts of greens too. I see people living their lives. I watch people coming off the train after work...people doing the things we all do...I think about all the weird things that are said about "real" Americans and wonder if some of these people who are so isolated being afraid of "the Other" could have just sat next to me watching these folks in the "scary" city of Oakland...just living life...just as they do...tired after work, nodding hello to familiar faces, smiling at the dog that ambles past them.....

I get out to Pleasanton on Friday night....prep the bag, blah blah blah....

This is a two day event for me...I have never done that before. I am a little nervous about how I am gonna handle the physical side of things.  Hit the field, it is really lovely, overcast, cool....I cannot even work my mind around all the people I met...great people, I felt very welcomed by the women. Lots of gift giving and sharing of food and stories.  The day is different...fewer events with a lot of down time. I feel challenged to stay warmed up...on the up side...I didn't feel so blown out by the end of the day.

I did start strong, a nice PR on light Hammer...75"5.75' whoot!
HWD...not so much...scratched my first throw, only one spin on the second throw, third throw...under what I have been throwing in practice by 5-8 feet.... Looking at photos, my head is in the wrong place....ew...sounds gross.
Braemer...who knows?  Stones are new every place you go, right? This one was heavy 16 + and was shaped like a giant hamburger..made me hungry.  Threw it ok...again, looking at the photos...I am no where near as low to start as I image in my head!

Afternoon? Started with a turkey leg, so...that's good. to see Kerry...she and a friend came out to the the was so great to see someone I know out in the crowd. Did I happen to mention that the afternoon events were on a horse track?  Crazy!  I also took a photo with the Men's Polish team...I'll post it at some point...but um...yeah...I look tiny! 

Caber was first....I have never in a games turned a 12 more than one lucky time...I turned a 12 twice! I actually took second in this event behind the Master of cabers...Michelle. 

WOB was fun.  I started was a knock off bar..It made me nervous.  I did NOT reach my goal of 16 feet...but a couple of the women said that with my last did make it off the bar....yeah..but I did hold in there with some of the A class women for a while...and let me tell you...I LOVED watching some of these women throw...such speed, power, beauty.  I needed to remind myself a couple of times to just enjoy, not was really a gift for me.

At the end of the day I had 3 firsts, 2 seconds, and one PR..the PR being the most important. I also saw my friend Matt from has been over 20 years.  I met his wife and little girls.  I was so thrilled they came out and if I get invited again?  We will plan some dinner!

Day two....didn't sleep well...I was tired....thank god we didn't start with heavy hammer...ugh....started on Open stone...I felt good here too....had 2 good throws (for me) it was heavy..almost 12 pounds.  Again..I am not low enough, but perhaps I can fix that. 

LWD....cannot find form...Heather MacDonald came up to me and told me that I was bent over...that I need to have my head and chest high and she thinks I'll throw better.  I felt really grateful she took the time to watch me...the A class are super focused. I couldn't find the right position these games..but I'll work on it.  Again, I threw short for me...but I ended up in first.  It was at this point, having taken the first 2 events of the day...that I actually walked away from the field, away form the other women, because I started to cry...yeah I know...big dummy.  I just was struck by the hard work of all these women and men who have let me in, who keep helping coach me....and struck by the work that I have done to prove my former doctor stay out of a say F%&*ck off to the life I was headed for....

Heavy hammer....not great, but again...Heather was spying my form and gave me a tip about the timing of my hip....

The challenge events?  Crazy tired by this point...our WOB we used this other weird feeling one that I almost could not get my hand in.   This time...I had three even closer 16 foot throws, but alas....none cleared it.  I need more power...because this time I could walk away from those three misses knowing my form was good....clean....I was outta gas and the throws just grazed the bar each no 16, but I am pretty proud of it.

Caber challenge...yikes...after my second attempt...I started to walk away form the caber and it chest started to tighten.  I couldn't catch my inhaler?  Across the field...silly girl.  Sarah went after it, but I started to of the women told me to bend at the waist....then, I heard this voice, that at first I thought was Pierre...very calm, quiet....reminding me to to breathe....I started to get better breaths when I realized, oh right Pierre isn't here....I look at this guy...Joe Wilson, one of the A throwers husband's...just talking me down from my asthma...he scolds me gently to stop laughing when Sarah hands me what I should have had with me the whole time.  I have to admit, I was super embarrassed...oh one else seemed to think anything of it.  I did gather myself enough to take my final turn at that caber..but I didn't get it...close, but...not quite.

Again...leaving the field, I started to cry...I don't quite know why. Tired, hot, grateful, missed my kids, wanted Pierre there~~ overwhelmed. I tried to find all of the women and thank them, but I know I missed a few...I spoke briefly with Adriane and she was so kind, supportive of this short journey I have been on that I teared up again...geezzz....but getting a compliment from her is pretty inspiring.  Like being told by Michael Jordan that you can shoot well.

Crazy weekend....

And now?  I have to get back to work...back to the gym....back to working on form.....