Tuesday, October 27, 2015

rehashed nicities...


the last couple of weeks I have been seeing friends post along a similar thread....

Platitudes....a remark or statement, especially one with a moral content, that has been used too often to be interesting or thoughtful.

I am guessing I have posted about this before, either on here or on Facebook...there are a few that drive me crazy.

"It is what it is"  really...well can I change it?  does it need to stay that way?  

"Everything happens for a reason."  UGH...

But...I digress...other people write about these things far better than I do.  

This was the first one I saw...when did being happy become the goal of my freaking life?  Sometimes I am miserable...and I learn from that place...


OK same author I know...but here is one on "passion." There is a life to be had even if I can't make money on my passion...I am not a fucking failure for not being an actor that is able to make a living... 

Find your passion 

And here is a controversial one...unconditional love.....this one causes parents everywhere go up in smoke...but really.  Read this blog and tell me there aren't conditions to love...there are and when we try to live up to this idea for someone else, we often get treated like shit or abused under the guise of " you have to love me unconditionally no matter how I treat you."

Unconditional love

And my fav....If you read ONE of this one...

It didn't happen for a reason.

Don't you dare tell me I have "something to learn" or "god only gave me what I could handle"....from any loss I have suffered. Way too easy to feel like I am just supposed to be "good enough" to let it go.


The work that needs to happen is the WORK of grief...

Ok rant over...

Oh....I am not a special freaking snowflake....we all need to just put in the work.....

Lifting or grieving...working or loving....

put in the work.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

details, details

My new programming started on Monday....

With something I have done before...  The BJ Monger Crying Circuit

Back Squat
Bench Press
Pull ups
Glute-Ham raise
Shoulder press
Chin Ups
 Front Squats
Barbell Curls

sets of through it twice....80 seconds for each exercise....

Hard to deal with this clock thing with out a coach yelling, but I came pretty close.

It's a burner....stayed super light...also I can't really Pull up or chin up or Glute-Ham raise, but I have my modifications.  This will be in my programming twice a week for 6 weeks....

AHHHHHHH......He will of course be adding weight and reps too...

And guess what, I went to the gym today too! Two days in a row...and surprise surprise it started know....both rain and me working out consistently have been rare lately.  

I loved loved loved the workout today.

I cannot really describe it.

One of BJ and Gary's goals for me is to see what is up with my clean...Well, we all sorta form sucks and I am afraid to get under the bar. I have had a front squat of 280...I can't clean more than's a power clean at that...


So...the work....all this tiny detailed bar path movement....hip movement....where are your shoulders.....details details details....WHEEEEE

Amazing how the bar can completely gas you.  Lots of it is all the mental focus too...

WHERE IS MY know that sort of stuff.

Best part....BJ was free and he was watching me....and coaching.  Sigh.

I am sorta hoping I get this detail in my programming once a week....My plan is to hit Praxis on Tuesdays at noon during the first 6 weeks of this off season thinggy...soak up the people...soak up the coaching....remember what I love about being at the gym.

Friday, October 16, 2015


Box squats....2x10

Sumo deads with chains  1x10

back extensions  3x15

planks  3 times both at 1 minute!  I did a full minute each time!

Wednesday....I can't remember what I!


Confession time.

I am having a hard time getting to the gym...some of it truly was the travel....but...something happened at 5:30 Wednesday morning that made me realize

I hate my gym.

Not really the gym's fault or the people who go there...I think most people work out like the folks at this gym. I don't.  The only reason I actually stuck with a work out program when I started was the community.  The feeling like it was ok to be a disaster because the trainers made adjustments...I learned~I grew....I out grew the first gym, yet I found another community to work out with.  Even though I often was working a the rack....I was still a part of something....working yes for my own health, but I don't know how to explain it, but also working for the health of the gym too? Or each other?  I don't know...


A guy walks in, both Grant and I look up and say ya doing....we get a grunt....

oh right... ok.  I forgot, I am not at Praxis.  Sorry!

I get of the guys that comes early in the morning does talk to us, but for the most part...there is no support, no asking, "can you watch this squat, see if I'm cracking 90." Nope, head phones on....lots of hard work...I get it.  I really do. Everyone needs different stuff.  I guess I am WAY social when it comes to the gym.  I miss the camaraderie....I miss the coaching too.

Maybe I don't hate my gym....maybe I hate the fact that I can't workout like most people do...that I am needy..Somebody please check my form!...oh well...

Part of what bugged me about the grunt reply on Wednesday was when his lifting buddy showed up...he yelled at him.....when we left...there were two sheriff's cars in the lot, the only other cars there beside us....ok~I know this will age me, but what the hell ever happened to "Officer Friendly?"  Anyone else remember that program?

I have a soft spot for dad was a Chicago cop....and we had Officer Friendly at school.....These guys would never have been looked at for THAT program! Not unless Officer friendly is covered in Axe Body Spray and care not a whit that when you are seen in your cruiser; like it or not, you represent your department! 

oh well...I am rambling.....

Still on my 21 day hoo ha....doing well....I have lost a little weight, but I have lost bloat...big shocker there....gotta keep up with this..I feel better...again...big shocker...

Oh well...I will try to get to the gym tomorrow morning too...get back on track, because I do know that it really doesn't matter what anyone else is doing in the gym....just me...

I guess.

Makes me miss my dad....

Thursday, October 8, 2015


5 weeks

4 games

I'm tired.

and I'm married...

and oh so grateful.

Though I haven't written in a LOOOONG time....I have been working on my mirror experiment. Sometimes it is only a piece of myself that I look at.  But I am looking.  I think is helping me see me...and not what I wish I would see.  Because of that, I could look at some of the photos people have taken of me, especially the wedding photos, and see the absolute joy.

Yeah...I'm fat...but so what...I me.

So....Grant and I started a 3 week challenge this Monday(more numbers), no sugar....lots of grains.  Gotta kick start something.  I gained back the weight I had lost post surgery...but more importantly, I just feel slow and sluggish and icky poo.

Went back to the gym yesterday too.

BJ said it was fine to just lift an empty bar....

5x5 box squats  worked up to a whopping 135
5x5 RDL  95
3x15 Good mornings  45
50 leg curling thinggies with a band.

Felt good to move again.

BJ and I talked for a long while about this off season....what my goals to approach the next 6 months.  

I know I can have goals, but I also know from the path I have been stumbling and running and tripping on the last 5 years...that I really have no clue what might be coming.

I wanna take care of myself in a more consistent way....I want to be kinder, more forgiving.  Both more accepting and more willing to stand and fight.

Hard to program that with deads and back squats~but given the path I have wandered so far, I know they are linked.