Shamrocks

Spent all weekend out in the sun. My face is paying the price.  I....um....forgot the sunscreen.  It was cool and breezy and I look like a tomato.

I had a long weekend with Demos for the Shamrock Festival and Practice Sunday. There has been a bit of drama with the athletes for a while, so I actually found myself really stressed thinking about having to do the Demo on Saturday.  I keep to myself a bit, don't throw very much...I am...

Well there it is.

After a bit, Jackie showed up and for what ever reason we started harassing Chad while he was throwing.

Now, I am not gonna share all the obnoxious things we said were, but "twisted dick" figured prominently in the heckling.  You know to get that turn in your hip...or something.  More like to make Chad laugh....

Well, Jackie got me laughing, and laughing hard.

A little while later, Grant came up and said something about our obnoxiousness...and then says...I don't hear you laugh like that anymore.

I almost burst into tears.

It made me really sad for both him and I.

He is right....when I first started throwing I quickly got the nickname "giggles."  Now it might be bitchy, or grumpy, or whatever.

What was it about "before" and now?  Well, as this rolled around in my skull since Saturday; I think some of it came from the feeling of escape that throwing game me.  I felt so pinned down, but when I would drive down from Santa Fe on Sunday morning for practice...I got to let lose a little.  I got to be a little more me....

So, does that mean I am not feeling like me?

I don't think so...there are ways in which I feel tamped down, but those are self imposed....I do feel like me, I am just well, not laughing right now.

Maybe it was just a "contents under pressure" thing.  But I feel a little sad that, well, I am no longer "giggles."

But, I am..me. So there is that. 

what?

Well...

It's been over a month....

Crap.

Ok.....I won't catch anything up, but we've had a big week. Emery has his driver's license....and a job (maybe 2).

My health is sketchy at best....and I am still fat.

Emery has been trying new desert recipes, so what the hell am I supposed to do?  Custards, caramels....I mean, really.

I have to squeeze my workouts in to 2 days....and you know what?  An hour and a half at the gym was freaking great.  I wish I could do that all the time. Perhaps I can....but I am STILL NOT THROWING.

It always comes down to this, especially during tax season, but this...what the holy fuck is wrong with me.

Yeah yeah there is only so much time and energy, but I said I wanted this certain thing...I can only get close to it if I actually work on it. 

I guess the answer is, there are other things I want more right now. 

One of them is to stop freaking out...but, I am. 

Oh, last little fractured thought from my fractured mind....Never ever let your trainer know that there is a wicked new machine at the gym you use...when you do he will make you use it.  I am joking of course.  There is an assisted GHD (or what ever it s called) at Iron Soul. 

It. Is. Awesome.

I of course can barely use it, and I got stuck, and I laughed so hard I couldn't pull myself up, but it is a wonderful piece. 

Thanks Eric....Thanks James!

Oh....this too...please consider sponsoring me.  

Charity Game for Wounded Warriors