Letters.

 About 2 weeks ago I went out to get the mail. Flippin through the tiny stack, I see a hand written address. I look at the return address and it is from my gym.  Oh my.  Hilarious that my first thought was, "oh no, what did I do?"  

I used to say this all of the time when BJ was training me as well....I was just waiting for the last stupid or weird thing I did that would make him want to find a new place to train. Now it has just become a weird thing I say all the time. 

Since moving over to Elevate, I don't say it all the time; but I do think it sometimes.

I really love the work that is done over there.  I love watching the coaches with others and I love what they have done with me. Honestly, working with my coach on goals has been super helpful...I even met a few of my throwing goals this past season...I have seen lots of the posts for athletes that work with the coaches at Elevate and it is great to see both the breadth and depth of the athletes they train.

The level of work that this organization does is kinda mind boggling.  Remember I wrote a while back about the physical mobility testing they did on me?  Well, the gym posted recently that a team of them were doing the same assessments on the team at Brooks Beasts Running....yea....prepping runners for Paris 2024.

The list of athletes they work with is pretty impressive.

But, the work that I see them do with people post surgery, heck, pre surgery too...and kids....and old folks like me....that is even more impressive.

Made me feel like, something switch in me recently, like....I need to be giving back as much as they are willing to throw at me.  I have really been struggling with staying or becoming focused...or whatever....probably like lots of people since say...oh ....2020.  I mean, I work hard in the gym, I do....and maybe that isn't gonna change, but something in my tiny brain has been shifting in the last few weeks.  I have a suspicion that a lot of the shift is due to that assessment and the planning I did with Johnny and Adrian.

I think back to the day I went in for my first meeting there.  I still sorta feel sorry that Johnny got stuck with me, I mean I am happy with being coached by him.....I just know I am a pain in the ass.  I mean I was sooooo guarded and a crabby old bitch the day I met him.  What a good sport.

 I do have fewer athletic goals this year, as I am working with Theater Grotessco on a piece and trying to look at whether or not we can work on MBT again...so fewer throwing goals...but I have pretty clear physical goals anyway...and this switch that has happened, will help.  I know that what I am looking for this year is being more present in my body, focusing on mobility and really listening to what makes me feel healthy.

Anyway....what was the point of this blog today?  

I dunno....I just wanted to give a shout out to my gym and my coaches....they rock.

Elevate

Weird year

Hhmmmmm, so, a recap?  What was my year like?  Throwing and training only please...PULEASE...

 

I trained so much for strength in the "off season."  I always have thought this is the way. It sorta is...I know, I know, I am doing something different this year. Y'all ready know this.  But this year...I did pull a lifetime dead at 435....Part of me wants to keep on that...but I know it isn't what I need right now.

I will admit, I had some huge goals for myself this year.  My season started off pretty strong too.  The coolest thing being a personal record on sheaf...But even in Phoenix...I pushed out my heavy weight further than I had in quite some time, mainly out of spite; but that was a me problem...  😁

So I prepped this year and wanted some things, was headed toward those things...then....well,

Stuff.

Trying to throw and help Grant run Rio Grande put throwing, well...on the back burner.  I was trying to keep up with social media stuff, which was new for me....as well as all sorts of details behind the scenes, including some hostile moves from, well not completely unexpected places...SO, once we wrapped things up, we were focused on Norway....lucky us!!

Thinking I need a game before Norway, we head to Cheyenne.  A bit of a loooong drive, but I am glad we finally got up there.  But what did I do in Cheyenne?  Right...I wanted to get that 28 on sheaf..so badly, that I hurt my back.  I really did a number on it.

Worked as hard as I could (and spent all our spending money) on PT and massage leading up to Norway. Traveled with a nasty back.  Throwing was painful in Norway....but I spent more of our travel money on massage there as well....My back finally eased up a little.  The final day wasn't spent in tears.  

But in Norway, a new theme emerged for the season.  

People talking shit about me.

You'd think at 55, that this shit would roll right off my ass....but my dear friends...it did not.  I am not sure if it was just my head space or just work I still needed to do coming to slap me in the face, but there it was. In this lovely space, this peaceful field that I have a huge soft spot for; someone within ear shot, laughing at me and saying...full voice..."you aren't ever gonna be as good as.....(blah blah blah)".  While I know that doesn't matter, because I am there to throw for me...it stung this time in a way I cannot explain. Hearing those disparaging remarks plastered against the background of this place I have given too much emotional investment to perhaps....kinda let myself get cracked by that a bit.  

Let myself hear old voices that are not mine in my headspace again.

I worked at letting it go before it ruined my brain for the rest of the season....then Grant and I got to go to Maine for a new game and to hang out with some awesome people...but honestly, I was struggling HARD with imposter syndrome. But I had Pleasanton coming after Maine.

And you KNOW how I feel about that game, the people there, the throwers and friends.

So, some sort of lesson here, because it happened AGAIN. The difference being, the people talking about me didn't SEE me right away as they were disparaging my fatness and my skill as a thrower.  In Norway, the dude was kinda yelling it out for me to hear.  It made it harder to hear too, since it was a couple of female throwers.

Honestly....for a good two or so weeks....I felt that I was done.  That this was not the kind of atmosphere I wanted to throw in.  Things change; no biggie...time to be done.

But, we went back to Prescott, cause I was already signed up (I did NOT wanna go). So glad we did, not sure why we've been missing this one...

And more than that...I let go.  

People talk, people blow off steam, people vent.  I don't have to be liked and I don't have to take what was probably someone just expressing frustration, personally. (I also don't need to try to be friends with this person either 😉)

Something else I lost this year was my 2 turn on weights....like WHAT?  But that's just practice and a lack of confidence and letting things get to me.

So, I certainly didn't expect that sort of season, but that's what it was....and I am still the luckiest, crabby ole fat bitch you probably know.

2024?  What's coming? Who the heck knows....

What do athletic goals look like as I see a very busy 2024 for myself as an actor, at least in the first half of the year. What I do know; is the plan is changing focus from prior off seasons, mobility, yoga, speed, joy, aging...letting go and asking for more help...

Enjoying what I can while I can....