Trees

Trees

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Stuff. (lots of my blogs are named this)

02/14/2018

Happy Valentine's Day!

So, I am not nearly as strong as I used to be.  I really am not.  My squat and dead lift are sad.

The kitty and I are sad, but I really am ok. I am not able to put in the work and you only get the results you train for. I also lost some weight last year and that shifts things as well.

But this programing BJ has me on to try to get me ready for the games has been good.  Lots of good work for shoulder protection and lots of "conditioning."

You know heavy fat athlete conditioning.  For example today I had to set a timer and do the following for 15 minutes:

7 dumb bell push press
7 Hex Press
7 Ring Rows.

See....a heavy athletes version of conditioning.  And it was.

The thing I was happy about today though was my Strict Press...had to work up to a heavy set of 3.

Now my best ever strict press one rep was 130...NOT IMPRESSIVE...to anyone but me.   Today, I did a set of 3 at 105!

I'm pretty happy with that.

I am trying to focus on throwing again, but it has been a challenge....lots of things have changed over the last few years and well, I only have so much time and energy. Frankly, the time and energy went where it needed to go.

At the end of 2016...when I did the Power Lifting meet I was in the 250's but my weight went up after I was unable to find other ways to deal with the sadness and stress of my oldest having cut me out of his life.  In March at the Phoenix Game I was about 262...sigh..strong, but I felt like crap and it was hard for me to throw at that weight.  We jumped on a challenge at Praxis and in 2 Months or so. I took off 20 pounds....I ended up losing more and got back into the low 220's by the Fall. 

I was holding that and feeling pretty good at the gym.  I had decided I did not have a weight in mind, I just want to feel strong and speedy when I throw. 

Well.....(there is always a well for me) ...lots of travel with Emery this year and a trip to New Orleans with Grant in October...and guess what, I took care of myself.  Then  (always a then) something happened after thanksgiving...I just packed on the weight...up to 241.

I just was not taking care of myself again.  I guess I could "blame" the Holidays, but I won't.  Grant nailed me this weekend when we were traveling..."You still don't think you are worth taking care of."

OK then...

So...where is the weight now?  High 230's...which is ok.  But here is the deal, I DON'T FEEL as good at this weight.  So....Mona....are you listening?

Take care of you.  DUH.

Thankfully Grant didn't say 'DUH' he said something like...these are deeply ingrained patterns, it's ok you are still struggling.

There Ya go.  The weight is just weight...it is only one measure...I know that...but it is a measure.  So here I go, 2 weeks to the start of my "season." If it turns out to be a real season? Who Knows?  I do know, I wanna feel better...I wanna feel good throwing....and lifting...so I would like to get back into the low 220-215...I feel good and still feel strong and I can eat more than fish and lettuce.

As for my expectations for throwing this year?

That's a blog for another day....





Tuesday, February 6, 2018

12/15/2016

The last time I was on Blogger...

Over a year ago.


I don't know that I am actually writing a blog right now either.  I suppose I am testing it out.

Those of you who know me, know me.....know that a few days after 12/15....12/19/2016, I received a devastating letter, all I could see when I would think about "blogging" was how do I face any of this...how do I put out there that I actually feel like dying...and not my hair.


So, I didn't write...I don't write. 


So much has shifted and changed, that I am sure I cannot, will not go back and relive it all.

Not sure what to say....even as I type this.

So....for those of you who have followed me before...I always appreciated your support, your comments, your humor, the time to gave me to ramble.

Maybe it is time to shut it down, or maybe it is ok to use this public forum to unscramble my brains a little...

kisses

mona

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Day 4

Update:

Day 4

Week 1

Well...I regretted every life choice I have ever made during that workout.

It took me way too long for something that seemed to start out as just a long series of breathing exercises..and ended with BJ watching me row sprints as he ate a chocolate chip cookie.

Not cool BJ...

Not cool.


All I can hope is that in 6 weeks, I look back and know it was all worth it.



Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Ears...

Those of you who know me and the 8 of you who read my rambling know that as I approach 49 that I am trying really really hard not to panic about my health. I still find myself, much to Grant's annoyance, predicting an impending heart attack or a stroke.  I am experiencing a bit of numbness again...some of it down my leg...but when I am careful about mobility and the position of my neck; it goes away. 

AnyHoooo.

A few weeks ago, I was parked on the couch, watching a cooking show or something, when I thought I heard my heart beat in my ear.  It was weird though, uneven ~ fast~ then slow... I felt my pulse...it wasn't my heart beat at all....my ear was, for lack of a better word, drumming.

Great....I bet it is a tumor, or spinal cord cancer....

I covered my ear and it went away...

Grant decided I was stuffy.  He insisted on a neti pot.  Gross.  No...ew...

 Ok...I tried it...finally....I am stuffed up..I felt like I had salt water in my eye. 

But it helps.  I am also on some allergy pill thing.  It's always gonna be something.

So...I also had to run a mile this weekend for this new program I am doing.   That went way worse than I anticipated.  I was gonna run it on the treadmill...but fucking kill me now.  I know I can't actually run a mile right now. That is part of the reason for me doing this programming for the next 10 weeks or so.  But I thought I'd run SOME of it (well jog).  Emery came with me and I started up the block at a quick walking pace...it's the up hill section....my plan was to walk fast up hill, then jog parts down hill.  As life would have it, I got to the top of the hill and my right calf cramped.  CRAMPED...so, yeah. Emery caught up to me and we walked together with the dogs...me complaining about my calf the whole way.

We walked the mile in a little over 15 minutes. 

Blistering pace, I know. 

I was sorta upset...but hell, it's not like I don't know how I got into this shape.  So...I have a goal for the retest at the end of the program, run some of it. 

HA.

As for the programing...it is fucking LONG....today took me and hour and a half..I really really wanna try to do this whole damn thing, so I came into Praxis at 7:15.  Tuesdays look to be the toughest days, so I am likely to be up here early. 


Yesterday there were these bike sprint things for 15 minutes and today was a 5000 meter row. I have never ever ever, even when I was "Crossfittin'"  rowed 5000 meters.  I HATE stationary machines...HATE THEM....but I sat my out of condition ass on that freakin' machine for a little over 28 minutes today.  Bargaining with myself the whole time...but I did it....slow as shit...but I did it. 

I may have to write about this program a lot so that I keep doing it, please bear with me.

Gary gave me some shit about it the other day, but as I have told you all and others at the gym; I know what I am getting into...I know I need this....and I know I am gonna suck at everything.  And that is just fine with me....because if I can keep doing this whole thing....I will suck a little less at all of it.  And maybe I can appreciate what my body keeps being capable of...even though I have beat the hell out of it and haven't spent much time appreciating what it can do~what I can do.

I won't be "Leveling Up" but perhaps I will be "not giving up."

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Doesn't really matter, does it?

It does and it doesn't....

Part of that revelation shit I wrote about yesterday was part of a lesson I got from my youngest son the other day...He has really been going through some challenging growth the last year.  He is brave and strong, powerful and more clear about who he is than I have ever been. 

We were chatting about a difficult issue and I asked him if he was going to bring something up with the therapist, he basically said no, that doesn't matter anymore...what matters is now.

yeah...see that is the piece....somewhere along the way I have done all sorts of work about HOW and WHY I got where I am...and I do believe some of that work really does matter...but then, just like in many other things, (acting and sports) you gotta let the work go and just be present. 

With all the shit we go through, the only thing that is the same is that *I* was there. So how do *I* choose to deal with this right now, in this moment....that's what really counts.  There are reasons and things that happen to us that we would never, ever, ever choose, but they happen, they shape who we are....then we sometimes, if we are lucky, get to choose to move on....we may move with a limp or a broken heart, but we move.  And if we are really lucky and present, we realize there are people along the way that keep holding out their hand....offering tissue, a joke, a hug, a crutch...and it is our choice to push them off or take the help...that's my piece...  I am there...what choice do I make?

I have always been stellar at letting other people off the hook so to speak...I forgive, I move on, I see the whys of what someone has done....but I have never given myself the same...that's part of why I am not as clear as Emery is about who I am...

It is all about the same tangle somehow...and I could spend some time trying to untangle this in my tiny brain, but I don't think I will this time.  It just is...and I will take care of myself~and that boy~and leave it there....





I still think this one is funny...