It's been weeks since I've written. Many reasons....
good and bad.
Been meaning to write...
about training, about the CAT programing we finished, about my loss of mojo for throwing, about my protein challenge, about my kiddo, about my shitty behavior, about being in love, about forgiveness....
So. Here I am, a tiny break in my day. How do I start this yet again?
Protein thing went fine...I guess...Learned some of the same old lessons about myself. I feel less bloated. But it's not like I leaned way out or anything.
CAT programming? I stuck with it. Got a couple of pr's...big one for me was my Back squat. Hit 350.
Started in on the 7 week programming BJ is doing for the Crossfit open and guess what? I didn't bitch and complain. I just am doing it. BJ and I did sit down and talk about last years programing, when to start, what to add, that sort of shit.
I made him promise not to tell anyone that I asked him to include some of the jumping we were doing in the CAT programming...and the "athletic" burpees....and as much jumping as we could fit in there, and some of the side to side shit he programs for the skiers, did I mention the jumping. The whole time we were working on jumping shit I complained..."Stop making me jump, I'm a heavy athlete!" Turns out, I'm a pretty good jumper...and frankly, I can feel the benefit with my hips, but you know, I have a reputation to maintain.....BJ did an amazing job for me last year. His thoughtful programing kept me healthy and mobile.
I also told BJ I understood that I needed to shift focus for myself while I am doing Crossfit workouts. I go light and work on speed during the crazy "open style" work outs. I'm sticking close to form, going slow over all, and figuring out how something can help me throw better. This was something I discovered during some silly timed workout with a shit load of thrusters....I didn't care about finishing fast...I broke it into manageable reps and focused on the end of the lift being super forceful.
My days of being at the top of the master's ladies is at an end and I am really ok with that. Actually, more than "ok' with it. Frankly, it is amazing and inspiring to watch all these women age with such power. I am in love with it really. Not sure if that makes sense, but I really am....All I need to do is focus on my throws and some of those elusive numbers that I have been chasing for a while and enjoy the women around me....bask in your fucking glory ladies....that's my job this year!
WOB....can I hit 20 this year?
Light hammer....Please oh please 90....
Heavy Weight....50 with the 21(not realistic...48 maybe) 40 with the 28
Light weight...70 (giggle)
These aren't HUGE gains from my bests from last year, and are nowhere near where lots of the masters ladies will be throwing this year....but some are goals I have had for a while, some are new based on my numbers from last year. As BJ reminded me...You have to start throwing more....so I am...I am faking it right now...but I have a promise to myself that I will throw Tuesday and Thursday again....Even if it is just 20 minutes alone in the park with a stone. Unless of course the weather sucks...so my idea for sucky weather days, like today...I hit the gym, warm up...do drills....
That was my lunch.
Stone drills with a med ball, hammer winds, and a tiny bit of WFD line drills.
Thankfully, BJ keeps putting up with me....and he understood what I was doing...
As for forgivness...I still can't write about it yet, but I came across this quote on the interwebs~
"I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with the pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night." ~Khaled Hosseini
As for why I am having trouble writing....confession time.
I am afraid.
Yeah, I am still afraid.
I think that's why I can be an asshole sometimes too...misdirected fear.
Here is a cat.
“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”