Friday, February 21, 2014

an annoying trend....

So,  I am finally starting to venture out again to see things, see people....old haunts so to speak.  It has taken me a while and I find this swirl of shame and self loathing still seems to swirl around me when I see friends or go out to familiar places. 

ANYWHOOOO...I have been missing most of the theater that has been happening in town. I wish I haven't been, but there ya go.  I have seen two things over the last four months or so; Good People and Benchwarmers.  I saw Benchwarmers last night and saw, again,  what I hope is not a trend in theater, but both of these very different pieces used the time to change sets as a time for "humor." I can ALMOST see why in Benchwarmers as it is a short play thinggy...eight pieces strung together by a bench.  BUT...


BUT....please stop. 

To me, using this device shows such disrespect.  Prime example from last night? At the end of a particularly moving piece, From Falling Down, there is a bit of ambiguity.  As audience, I want the time to decide for myself what the character meant...what it meant for the future...what it meant to me.  Instead of being trusted, instead of giving me respect as an halfway intelligent theater goer..I was met with, instead of silence...a crashing of chairs and more ridiculous banter, that was either improvised or poorly written. Pulled me out of the moment.  And for what? To make sure I was sufficiently "entertained?" Hell, I can go to YouTube for that...I can think, thank you very much.

Not only was is disruptive, but the topic was the same old~same old tired jokes about "pampered" actors, "controlling" directors, and how simple minded what we do as artists really is.


Do you realize just how unprofessional this makes the whole experience? At a Theater, you are going to bad mouth and belittle the very artists you are claiming to support?? Which, perhaps if done WELL it may have worked...ONCE....but not between each and every piece.

In the other production, it was even worse.   The people doing set changes were dressed as garbage men....yeah THAT says a lot...and they were clearly given free reign to improvise.  Holy Hell...are you kidding me? Improv is a very difficult skill...seems simple...but they were going for laughs...again...pulling the audience away from the piece itself? 


In the second act, there is a long opening scene with a quick break to a very short final scene...I swear, both times I saw it the set change was longer than the second scene.  So much gets dropped in that first scene..and so much gets revealed in that short second scene....I even read it..I had an idea of what was coming, but because I had to watch this really poorly executed buffoonery as they moved a set, I shut down...didn't care...just wanted it to be over. And frankly, I hardly heard a word in that second scene.

Were you trying to "soften the blow" for the audience?  If so...FUCKING STOP.  Again...I can go to my Facebook Page for funny cat videos.  I can handle the issues in Good People  and I don't think that I am going out on a limb to say that anyone who chose to drag their ass to a theater and drop 20 bucks on your show can "handle' it.

I really hope I don't see this again.  If I do, I may simply walk out.

It is a matter of trust for me...Trust your actors, trust your directors, and for god sake trust your audience....

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Thanks. and prep.

Sarah Densmore
Alison Montoya
Will O'Connell
Joy Mills.

Thanks you guys...

These four folks were my final contributions to the Indiegogo campaign... AFTER I had made my goal.

I am a little late posting these thanks.

Really stunned by this process..this project...this trip that will be happening when I was absolutely sure I was not going to go.  

I know I am supposed to do a thank you video too....I will....I think ...but you know how I feel about videos.

I read a blog from my friend Grace a while back:

Post Therapy Blogging

but I am about to do what she did..."drunk" blog post therapy...

Simple question from the therapist...

"Does this serve you?"

Ok...can't really say much else about that right now....I thought though that I would post the list of games I am looking at this year...

Arnold Classic 
Feb 27-March 3

March 22-24

April 3-6

Rio Grande
May 17

Pikes Peak
June 20-22

July 3-6

Enumclaw  (If I get invited)
July 26-28

Highlands Ranch (?)
August 9-10

Pleasanton (Crazy close to Scotland~and I'd need an invite)
August 29-sept 1

Scotland Master's World Championship
Sept 7-17

Santa Fe (crazy close to Scotland too! but it's at home, but I might still be asleep)
Sept 20

Oct 5-6

Nov 1-2

OHHHHH and I got an invite to the Women's World Championship....crazy. It is part of the Phoenix games so I didn't have to add a game.  I'm a little old but I am thrilled to throw with these ladies.  My first two games this year sorta scare a good way.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Thumbs and shoulders and hips...oh my!

Dead lifts and drills and presses too....

Hit the gym last night...I was suspicious of the lifting that was on the pages of my notebook.

5x3 Presses
5x3 Deadlift

oh to grip a bar?  how to sub if I cannot lift....

So, what to do first? Avoid lifting of no I'm kidding, I warm up...rowing, Good mornings, Line Drill...."stone" drills with the med ball.

On to presses.

Warmed up with the bar...then 55, then 75

Now I know for all you beasties out there 75 on a strict press is beyond lame.  But I was sorta thrilled.  In Nov and Dec of last year I could barely get the empty bar up with the nastiness I had committed to my shoulder and well, I think my one rep max on a strict press is a whopping 115.  And that was about this time last year, when I was really strong, unlike now.

My shoulder feels fine this morning and I feel like the slow build was and will continue to be worth it.

So yea, 5X3 at 75...I'm happy with that.  I also learned something about how I my thumb? not part of the equation AT ALL.  The bar rests in that little fleshy part between the finger and thumb and I was able to just leave it sticking straight up in the air.


Ok deads...

135...225...275 were supposed to be my working sets...but at 225...the thumb.  Not sure. I don't need a firm grip at that weight, but I need a grip for christ sake. I load the bar to the working sets...but I know right away that this is not good....pain? sorta...tingling weirdness? yes.

Ok switch grip....Only got 2 in the second set...cause it moved from tingling weirdness to pain.

Maybe I should stop.

Fuck it.  I adjust my left hand again.  Lift.  Fourth set...I only get 2 again.  Someone comes over and tells me not to get frustrated.  Am I?  I guess, you know 275 isn't that freaking much weight...I wonder if I am suffering from SAS (Stubborn Athlete Syndrome)...but I finish the last set stronger than the first.  Or at least it felt that way...

Cleans tomorrow...highly doubtful I'll be able to deal with those!

When home, I decided I needed to clean the thumb again...well...I was scolded into cleaning the thumb again.  So I most of the caked on~nasty~black blood off...well, except for under the nail...gag.  Between the pressure of the Deadlifts and the pressure of the actual cleaning, it did start to bleed again.  Not terrible..the tip is kinda dead...I imagine I will have to file that down like the worst callous ever or shave it off or something at some point. I know I need to take the nail off, but I am afraid to use a clipper just yet for fear of the twisting pressure that might get created.  I wanna keep this wound closed!

SO...the thumb is feeling betterish...the shoulder is getting strongerish....

My neck and hip?  Well....I have some work to do on them both, but I noticed as I was doing throwing drills that the perpetual numbness in the hip...well...wasn't there.  I could actually feel the hips becoming engaged as I rotated.

I am calling that a win for now.

Best part of my night?...another win for challenging books for my kiddo....She threw her book (Flowers for Algernon) across the room again last night...she said, not as hard as she wanted to because it is a school book after all. When I asked her where this ranked on the "throwing scale,"  not as high as some others~she said hands down the worst...Of Mice and Men.

Yeah...I would have to agree...a completely throwable end for Lenny and George.

Monday, February 10, 2014

set back or lesson?

I have been VERY lax about writing again!

I have too many things that I don't feel like being "scotch tape" don't write at all.


So  I do have another buisness that has taken on of the patch spaces on my kilt...

El Parasol...  So thrilled.

Also need to thank

Lisa Huelster
Marcus Neumann

Both contributed after I was 'Fully Funded"  Sweet!

Not to worry...I will use any thing I do not use for Scotland to get to other games in the US. I have also received a few donations directly...I used those to buy my fancy new kilt!  So thank you...

Last week, I was starting to feel a little more focused in the gym...the up coming games at the Arnold were beginning to feel more and more real...and certain other issues in my life were simply becoming "the New Normal."  Well...Thursday came...stupid things happened as they are likely to happen and well, I got angry, mostly hurt, but hurt expresses itself as anger.  I am frankly becoming less and less tolerant of being controlled and told who I am and what I am supposed to do and think. (taking me long enough)...well....I was making dinner....chopping garlic....and yes...sliced my thumb.  I have cut myself in the kitchen plenty of times...but....this...was....more.

Through half of my thumb nail~through half of the thumb.  I'd show you a photo, but I can't take one. 

Thankfully Chris was home and he cleaned it up wrapped it up and has been checking on it.   I really can hardly look at it yet.  The nail is at a terrific gaudy angle.  It probably sliced to or really close to the bone.  The pointer finger felt like it was on fire too....Nerve shit.

Good job.
Last night was the first sleep I got since Thursday...and training?  Well...I tried even simple stuff and it makes it throb and bleed.  


It isn't swollen, but it still throbs and hurts.

I have to pick up a caber in 3 weeks....swing a hammer...dammit.

Did I set myself back...maybe,  maybe things just happen.

Or maybe things happen for a reason.

I am gonna have a nasty scar and my nail will always be messed up....who knows I still may lose part of the thumb...(god I hope not) but the scar and the nasty nail will be a beautiful reminder.

Anger~it is only gonna hurt me. not mistake me, this does not mean that I am giving people a pass to treat me like crap...I did that already...I'm done with that, but if I can see past my anger and see someone's lashing out as their pain....well, that's different. 

My anger...only hurt me...and now I have a scar on the outside to prove it.