Trees

Trees

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Vivi

Best conversation of the week....


Vivi:  Mom, what do you want for your birthday?

Me: Nothing really.

Vivi: *sighs*

Me: Ok, how about you don't yell at me all day?

Vivi:  *bigger sigh* I cannot guarantee that.

Me: Ok, just don't roll your eyes at me all day.

Vivi:  You can't buy those things.  I need something I can just buy.....*exaggerated sigh....exaggerated eye roll*


Love that kid....she cracks me up.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

not sure what to think.

Monday!  Big day...PR's. Although one of the PR's was something new, so no matter what I did, it would be a PR.

Rack pulls.

135, 225, 315.  Then I jumped to 385....tried it twice.  Kinda annoyed I could not get it off the rack.   The prior one rep was 375...two weeks ago..what the heck?  it's only ten pounds...BUT Mona dear, its only 2 weeks.  So I swallow my pride....pull off 5 pounds....and seriously...I get a lovely pull.  Even Will said so...and Will just took 4th place in a dead lift competition....so yeah....

Seems as though I am chasing 400.

Then Dumb bell push press...

35,40,45,50...at 50, I realized that I was having a hard time getting the weight up to my shoulder...cleaning the weight was tricky...so....Faith agreed to help me out...HA!  She got the weight to me....THANK YOU!  did 55...then 60.  The 60 was not quite fast....more of a push push push to lock out...so I stopped...I also was unable to get the weight down gracefully.  They banged to the floor.

Will looked at me and said..."That's why the are made of rubber..."

Tuesday:

Snatches...light.

4X2 75...I am giving up on the snatch for now....giving into the power snatch for the time being.

Then...clean pulls. 3X5  BJ has it listed at 130% of my one rep max...Who the? What the?  AHHH!

I load the bar to 190....I pause in between reps to reset my legs...my god these are hard.  I don't think I really get to my toes at all.

Then I do back extensions & something else I can't remember.  I also bust out my fork and do some sheaf drills and hammer work too.

I was glad I went last night, I almost didn't, almost let myself get taken away by things I can't control and some stuff I should control. Was at the doc yesterday, surprisingly, I did get some answers....but I am also in a holding pattern.  Endometriosis generally does not effect women my age...and since the symptoms hit so fast and so hard the doc wants me to wait 2 months to track pain.  See...since I am older...it may just go away or become tolerable until it does go away. So, I feel like I am in 7th grade health class again with my little tracking graph.  So, if we choose surgery, it will be in April. Again, it is surgery, but it is minor. The doc said, a week to get back to activities, a month to feel "normal."

One of the things that bugs me is the timing and the waiting.  But hell, I'd rather avoid surgery, minor or not.  I spent the afternoon thinking about what I can do....I need to take off a few pounds. I quickly found myself back in that place of self loathing, which, I dealt with this time by hitting the gym.  I joked with someone that I need to start training twice a day so that I am ready for the recovery portion of surgery if I need it.  I also just think I am too heavy.  I get it, I am lifting, building muscle...but I am also fat.  No way around that. My eating has slowly slid....ah....Fat or not..my blood pressure is good.

114/63

Pierre joked that when they go in for surgery that they could go in and scrape out fat too.  um, not funny Pierre...ok never mind, it is funny. I am just not in a good mood about any of this.  I am also trying to learn how to feel what I feel without trying to either make it go away or pretend I am not feeling at all. Hmm, all I have left to say about that is...Blargh.

So, two months before I need to decide about surgery and three months before Worlds....looks like it might be time for the Whole 30 again....It is also time to make sure that this new challenge doesn't take over my thinking....doesn't, "live rent free in my head." as they say. 

Oh food....dang, you own me don't you....

Monday, January 28, 2013

Time

After I did that acting workshop a while back, I had a conversation with one of the other women who had done the class with me.  We talked a lot about the whole idea of the transfer of skills from theater to camera.  She is a SUPER skilled actor, but we both agreed that neither one of us made an immediate connection with the art form.  That the way we see ourselves as artists did not transfer to film.  That is ok...I mean...there are those that just are freakin' naturals...I am not...neither is she. 

Then she said something to me that shook me up a bit.

"I only have a certain number of years left and I have to make a choice about how I want to spend it."

We kinda looked at each other and talked a bit more about how much work it would take to get good at this new skill...and NOT whether or not we "could" figure it out, but if we had the time left to be willing to focus on it.

I left that conversation thinking about how much time I might have left to be "productive" and what that means.  After all, it is my job to describe what being productive means...there are only so many things that I have the time, the drive, the desire to focus on with the~hopefully~25 years or so I might have left.

It is not just the "what" of the focus...but the people too....the "who" is the most important piece.

I was struck by this during this past weekend...the variety of people who currently fill my life...the variety of things I focus on, or that drive me....the truly amazing people who fill my life and fill me up.

Why do we keep making choices that no longer serve us? 

Are we so afraid that saying yes to our own happiness will hurt the people around us?

Do we end up being owned by some idea of responsibility?

I just don't know..

Oh well...It is a dead lift day today...so at the very least I know what drives the dead lift....

Thursday, January 24, 2013

reasons

Reasons...sometimes we have no good reason for doing what we do...sometimes something just presents itself and we decide to say yes before we can even think about all the ways in which it would be better if we said no...

Recently, someone asked me to write a short blog about how I found the Highland Games...I am just gonna be a lazy athlete today and post it here....



 I am Mona and I am a Highlands Athlete. Sounds like I am  introducing  myself at an AA meeting doesn't it?  At this point in my life, it does almost feel like I am addicted to this sport.  The concept of seeing myself or even calling myself an "athlete" is radically new.  I had, for most of my adult life been a couch potato.  I was never an athlete, not in High School, nor in College.  I certainly never threw on a track team. I am what some affectionately refer to as an MCA~Midlife Crisis Athlete.
In the summer of 2010, I had to face the reality that I was getting sick and that I was the one making myself sick.  I had given up on my body in the prime of life and I was now paying the price: pre-diabetic, had advancing arthritis, severe stenosis in my neck,  bad liver and kidney functions, and joints that barely carried me up a flight of stairs.  At the encouragement of a dear friend, I started CrossFit.  It was horrible, but I stuck with it.  

Fast forward about 10 months: I had lost about 65 pounds and I had begun to understand that yes, there really can be an athlete inside of everyone, if I just stopped saying "no" to my body and my health. While I enjoyed the gym, the classes , and the community of CrossFit; I was feeling that there needed to be more...I knew running wasn't for me, I wasn't going to find a soccer team, or play softball.  Just about this time, I had remembered an old friend, Chuck Thomas, who had been bugging my husband to do something called Highland Athletics.  I asked my husband if he thought women did this "thing" too.  He didn't know, so I got Chuck's email and asked.

He sent me this really great description of all of the events and assured me that, yes, women do throw.  I spent about 10 minutes reading through the description and looked at my husband and said, "Well, that looks ridiculous, I am NOT doing that." I threw out the descriptions...then a couple of weeks later I got an email from Chuck, "When you coming down to give this a try?"

HA...never.

Another couple weeks he checks in again and then my husband says, "Well, we could go down, just try it, what can it hurt?"

I thought about it, and really, why not try?  Why not say yes? Why not experiment?  I am looking for something to do with this lighter, slightly leaner body right?

Once we finally found the practice field, all the people there assumed that my husband was the one who was gonna throw...to the best of my recollection, it took some coaxing to get me to pick up that hammer.  I had no idea what it would trigger, how picking up that hammer on that cool spring morning would change utterly and completely how I see myself, how I much I would discover about myself, about training, about determination, about failure, about success. I swear, I picked up that hammer  the first time and fell in love, with possibilities.  

I went to 4 practices before my first competition in May of 2011 and I have been greedily soaking up everything I can find about training for the games since.  I have found pieces of myself, my power, that I didn't even know that I had lost. I am so glad I said yes to the "experiment."  I have met the most amazing people from literally, all over the world.  

I am just starting this sport and at 44, sometimes I feel like I will never be good enough because I don't have an athletic back round, then I remember that just a little over 2 years ago, I was slowing killing myself with my choices. So whatever I throw now is certainly better than that place.  All I need to do is to be better than I was during those dark days.



 That's it...that's sorta how I found this...I guess I wanted to post this because of the quickly approaching season...and um, I also said yes to a games....that I wasn't planning on....I suppose I will just trust that I can get there..and get the work done....

What a dork.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

It's Chuck's Fault

Threw heavy stuff this weekend and I do mean heavy stuff.  I have had a nemesis caber..RED.  It is a men's starter caber, but it is similar is size to the challenge caber we had in Pleasanton. Any time I have tried to tackle this one, I walk away bruised, or with a sliver, but with no turn.  I get better each time....the first time I tried, I couldn't even pick it.

see?

 This weekend though, Grant brought the cabers..so I had to give it another go. The first two tries, I had decent picks, but no turn....I wasn't gonna throw again, but then...because I had been a show off earlier...Grant came over and threw Red....without moving...Breamer style...

Dammit. Picked it, danced with it, turned it.  Ugly, like a 2:30, but I turned it.

Something was weird about me this weekend...I kept getting triggered....this weird super aggressive streak was just there...strong...and Chuck and Grant were NOT being very helpful...they were pushing my buttons.  Especially Chuck.  I have no idea why, but no one has ever pushed my cometitive buttons more than he does...NO ONE.  I don't know if it is what he says, how he says it, or the look he gives me....

I always bite.

This weekend, it was the 42 pound WOB.  I try and throw the 42 at least once because it makes me super aware of my form...I have to be patient with the pull because I know there is no way I can muscle that up with my little lady arms...I need my massive lady ass.  So I throw it...and I clear 11 feet.  Then he starts in on me...Ugh, I finally yell at him " it's your fault I am here at all, stop it"...but I bite anyway.  He bet me a pair of socks.

Not fair...I can't resist socks.

So....I have to clear 12 with the 42.  I take my first throw...guess what I hear?

"You had the height."

NO WAY....another throw....timing off...but I had the height again...third throw....I am outta gas.  Dammit this thing is heavy.  No go.  Chuck agrees to make it a standing bet...so next time we throw WOB...I am getting it.  I want those socks. Side benefit of throwing that heavy thing? I slow down...and I can get closer to the bar so that I am not wasting energy throwing both up and back.  Just to test it...I grab the old lady 21...the bar is at 19. I stand closer than I normally do, pop that thing and clear 19 with the first throw. Next time, I need to throw the 28, which is what I have to throw in May, at the "stuck in my head" height of 16' 6".

Sheaf this weekend too...it is feeling more and more consistent...this weirdo new form of mine.

As for working out....yesterday was killer. I am all new levels of sore today from these last two days.  Seriously.

Good Morning, find a one rep max...
oh god.  When I got the bar loaded to 135, I looked at BJ and said..."This right here is what makes a heavy athlete, heavy."  I wasn't willing to fail on this lift so I stopped at 135, it was heavy, but good deep form.

Seated Dumb bell press.  UGH
got to 40.

Then 8x3 Rack pulls and Bench Press.
Rack pulls at 235, bench press at 95...with bands.

I know this doesn't sound like a lot when I type it all in...but geeeez I was spent.  I did spend time warming up and doing lots of mobility....cause I was sore from letting Chuck bait me.

Next weekend?  I gotta try out my new hammer blades.  Pierre thinks he saved my super cool purple boots.... Thanks! 

Friday, January 18, 2013

Past what works




I love this meme...Sometimes I think I am doing this, but when I am honest...well....I often am close to the edge of my comfort zone....but not really out of it. I mean...I sometimes feel that just being in the gym at all is out of my comfort zone. That isn't really true...Zia has started to feel like a second home to me.

I have become comfortable lifting in the corner for example...yesterday was a tough day for me....once I got to the gym, I was sort of hoping that I could use the workout to help put myself back into balance, to shed the overwhelming feeling of not being enough, to get back inside my body again. That happens sometimes doesn't it? Well, I warmed up...mobilized....threw on the knee sleeves....changed my shoes....loaded the bar for the dangling box squats.

Speed work, so it's 12x2. At 210.

I tried to move as fast as I can...it feels heavy....I can't pop up too fast or I fall over....I don't feel good lifting though....I am feeling more and more out of sorts as I work through the sets.

I move on to the incline press.....it is with the dumb bells not a bar. 35 pounds in each hand...feels heavy. 12x2 I am trying to pop them up as fast as I can....I am really trying to move quickly between sets as well...at about set 8, something starts going really badly....that sick nasty voice in my head is screaming at me that I need to stop...that I am not worth this work...

I kept trying to close my eyes through the final sets....but I know I need to force myself to face it....to keep my eyes open. I finish...I put my head down and it all just wells up in me. I feel angry and really really sad....

As I remove all the lifting crap that I probably am too attached too....I lost it. It's been a while since this has happened to me.

I guess I was pushed over the edge of my comfort zone by the work out itself. Not sure why this happens, Not sure what benefit or gain I got...but I did finish the work out. My arms were so fried that I could not raise them and my hands, ugh. I didn't do the WOD.

I guess all I can do today is to push myself more during the workout. I am tired of days like yesterday, but I also can't berate myself too much....things come up when they come up. Since I didn't really have control over the emotional comfort zone that was breached, I can try to push past my physical comfort zone today.


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Art & Sport


Monday:

Start of week two....I am still feeling a little sick and frankly I am annoyed with myself that I am having a hard time finding a doctor...

Anyway...more deadlifts...um I mean rack pulls....we adjusted these for my stupidly long legs, so I have to set up plates instead of pulling from the rack.  Had to find a 1 rep max.  Only got to 375.
Then I had to find a 1 rep on Push Press.

45, 95, 125, then I jumped to 160...I actually got it.  I had to talk to myself a lot on this one....as I looked at the bar, all I was thinking was fast fast fast...don't push it up, throw it up.  I did...I was kinda thrilled.  Tried 165..no go. 

It's weird that I can push press so much when I can't seem to even clean this same amount right now... it must be in my head...also...if I push press 160, and it WAS a push press, NOT a jerk...I should be able to strict press more than 105...right?  and I should be able to Jerk at least 170..I must have some serious mental blocks about getting over head...and on the clean.

Tuesday:

Freakin tired yesterday....they were filming snatches in the gym last night (quit your giggling), but I didn't stay...can't wait to see the video though.

Snatches...light....I am working on NOT power snatching.
Then dead lifts...um I mean clean pulls.  At 110% of my 1 rep max....I looked at that and thought it was a typo...but I loaded the bar to 160....Will, in his Will like way, came up when I was done....suggested I slow down and fully reset between reps...so I get the clean pull...so I am not just doing dead lifts....I will do that!

Then I did back extensions and a bunch of hammer winds and foot work for Weight for distance.  I always start with a PVC pipe, like Grant showed me, then I move to a 15 pound Kettle bell.  It doesn't have the pull that a weight on a chain has, but it helps...last night though, I finished with the 15 pounder and decided to try some spins with the 14KG kettle Bell....dang it felt so heavy...but I got a couple of good spins in without getting all off balance...so, I should add that I suppose.

Today is my rest day....or recovery workout....Looks like I will be testing my hamstrings....Glute Ham raise (sounds like a sandwich) Sumo stance good mornings, weighted dips....wish it was a caramel dip.

Spoke with Marz after my lifting last night, we decided that the thing that sucks this week....putting away weights after lifting....

There is also a Strongman competition in Durango soon....hmmmm.

Monday, January 14, 2013

throwing and whatever.

Went to Albuquareque yesterday to throw...um, it was cold....but as usual it always warms up fast down there...I started in multiple coats, ended in a sweat shirt.

Tried to throw stones to start...they were....COLD....then I snapped my hand back so I wimped out and went to Weight for Distance.  Mostly standing throws...nothing special...throwing aobut 20 feet just standing, so that's good.  I still am avoiding the double spin with the heavy.  Don't know why...scared? Lazy?  Who knows. Hammer was nice...tossed the heavy over 66 feet...the light 78' 10".  Hammer felt a little chaotic...FINALLY! No boots~still.  Did I tell you, I got new blades, but they don't match the holes on the old boots.  So I gotta find new boots...I know it sounds like an easy fix, but...oh well...I'll fix it at some point.  I just don't know that I'll ever really figure the blades out.

Closing in on 80 feet felt....kinda great. Great feedback from Topper too. I spent a good chunk of the evening writing things down again, finding my old "throwing" notebook...I don't really know where I am if I don't keep track.

Set some goals on Friday with some of the ladies from Zia...I had a hard time coming up with gym goals...every physical focus is on my throwing right now. So I settled on a 400 pound Dead Lift. OOOF.

Said see ya later to my son on Saturday...and I had an awesome rehearsal and auditions as well.  No, not for me...looking at  completing the casting for Independence.

As I look back on the first week of this new programing...two things strike me..the first is that I actually did the whole thing...even the "WOD if time permits." Second, my butt hurts.....yes...my butt hurts.  Lots of dead lifts, Romanian Deads, all sorts of "pulls" (which are dead lifts BJ...even if they have another name).

Can someone massage my ass?

I really think though, that the first program and now this one, have really helped my stability...and upped my strength. Even if Friday's WOD did almost kill me....a total of 45 deadlifts at my body weight triggered my "I hate myself for being big" voice...thankfully Matt Wyner was there to laugh at me and say...."being a heavy athlete is great!"

It is...I just hate when workouts call for body weight or percentage of body weight...it forces me to own it and I know I am very close to learning how not to whine about it...I start to hear the complaint come out of my mouth and I am starting to hate the sound of that more than I hate my body...progress...but I am sorry to complain at all...Some days it is harder than others to remember to be grateful I can move at all.

EMBRACE THE BIG!

And I do so appreciate all those folks at the gym Friday who cheered me on, who pushed me to just pick up the bar and finish.


Friday, January 11, 2013

look away

In the long run, it gets down to this: avoiding (emotional) pain is a really bad idea.~ danielle laporte
Well,  the long Christmas visit is coming to a close. It has been very different than the first two visits, I think the child and I learned something about ourselves during the first two visits.  It all came down to expectations.  I was trying to be all cool and think I had none, but that of course wasn't true. He seemed to learn a bit about how to deal with me as a "semi~adult" after all he is still dependent on us, but he is 18..it is a weird place to navigate. We were both more careful about asking...asking what is happening, what plans are, what needs to be done.  It was great to have him home.  I also know it might be a while before he comes home or visits again.  He is trying to get work for the summer...
I hope he does, I know it sounds weird, but I really hope he doesn't come back...I think those of you with older kids get what I mean...

It's funny, but while he has been gone this first semester, I had a lot of people ask me how I was doing. I have always replied, "Fine, it's time for him to go.  Vivi has a hard time, but not me."  
I wasn't lying, I mean that; but what I was doing was looking at the issue sideways...refusing to look it in the face.  The reason I bring this up here is because of something I wrote about not wanting to look at the workout from yesterday because I was afraid of it...like somehow that would change it.  In the gym last night I had a bit of a moment while I was rowing that made me understand the behavior~made me connect the behaviors of avoiding looking at a workout, or avoiding saying how much I miss that kid...
When the rowing got hard...I turned my head to the right...Ok, so?  ah...right...if you don't face it....if you don't look it in the eye...it isn't happening.
Such old, old scars, but it pops up in funny places, like on a rowing machine.....then that quote at the top of my blog showed up on my Facebook feed.  I laughed out loud at that... so perfectly timed huh? 
Time for me to look a couple of things square in the face...right in the eye...see them for what they are and let go.
 
 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

tricky plans and steroids

Wednesday was my "recovery workout" day.

Right.

No it was fine...There just happened to be an additional little piece added to the day. I had to find my one rep max on an incline Dumb Bell Press..I might be saying that wrong.  Well whatever it was, I started doing it incorrectly....but BJ showed me the right way to do it and I jumped by 10 pounds.  I ended at 50 pounds....tried 55 twice, but all I got was a bruise on my shoulder.  It was almost my face....Velda was there, she saw it...I almost dropped a 55 pound dumb bell on my face. 

Classy.

I am a little scared about the workout today...so I have avoided looking at what the night holds for me. 

Ok...so on to the steroids.  Those of you who read this or are my friends on Facebook, know that Pierre likes to harass me about being on steroids....especially if I have an angry moment.  I think he is teasing, but who knows...I thought he was jealous....grrrr.  Well, I was wrong....I had an AH HA moment about this issue.

Pierre is on steroids.  Seriously...ask him.  Pierre is on steroids...They are for a back injury but whatever, I am vindicated~

Ok, so I thought I would update my games list for 2013...Much of this is fantasy, since I am not very flush with cash right now, but whatever.  A heavy athlete can dream, can't she?

San Antonio  April 6 & 7
Las Vegas      April 20 & 21
Iron Thistle   April  28 & 29
Rio Grande    May   18 &19
Lehi                June 8 & 9
Valkyrie          July 6
Elizabeth CO  July 20
Highlands       August 10 & 11
Pleasanton      Sept 1
Santa Fe         Sept 21 & 22
Aztec              Oct  5 & 6
Celtober          Oct 19 & 20 (?)
Tucson           Nov  9 & 10 (?)

There is one more the end of July, but they are invitational so...blah. Well...that's a lot.  I guess I'll just see what I can do. 

First I have to replace my knee band.



Tuesday, January 8, 2013

max effort...

Wheeee, I got the last 6 weeks of my revised strength programming last night...it made more sense than the first time...didn't quite feel like I was reading Kilngon.

Or perhaps..I am now Klingon?

grrrr?

Anyway...the next 6 weeks...I cannot look to far ahead in the programming for fear of psyching myself out...this is really one of those one day at a time things.  A different structure for the lifting, more Olyimpic lifts...testing one rep maxes on certain lifts every two weeks....and a boat load of speed lifting.  Like clean pulls, rack pulls, DB snatches..that kind of thing.

I know it is because I don't believe much in myself these days, but BJ said this thing about the programming that sorta works for me...I have 2 max days.  Huh..I thought to myself..."that I can do."

Weird little mind game huh?  Like I am incapable of giving my max every time I am in the gym?  I know that isn't really true, but if this little game I play with myself works...well so be it.

There is also a lot of "blank space" on a couple of the "assistance" days...oh my...a level of trust to me that I will know what I need to work on...or know the work that is missing for me and how to choose it.  He also put throwing drills in there...don't know why, but that tickled me.

Ok so last night...a MAX day...holy freaking hell...he wasn't kidding.

1 Rep Max Box squat.
135, 205, 255, 300...

yes...300, 5 more pounds than the same lift last week.  Huge shout out to Marz, not sure I would have hit that last lift with out his encouragement...so Marz, You don't DON'T suck at supporting other athletes, sorry. 

1 Rep Max incline Bench..ugh

65, 85, 95, 110

yeah..well, whatever.  I was happy. 10 pounds more than last week.

Then...these were a little weird but Deads and Presses...for speed...but they were singles.  I think the point was clean form and fast to the top of the lift.

So 15x1: I decided to go at these at 50% of 1 rep Max

deads at 185
press at 55

The deads felt hard at the end...Press, I would add 5  or 10 the next time they come up.  It is interesting to do dead lifts with no bands and all the corrections Will gave me...they feel very different....Like I am getting fully open at the top of the lift...didn't know I could get that open.

The the WOD

100 Double Unders
15 Burpees.

Sigh..right at the end of the first set of jumping...one of the handles flew off my rope...I have had that rope a while...grrr.  And well one my knee support things tore too.

The burpees didn't feel too horrible..as burpees go...for a heavy athlete...with asthma...



When I got home, I thought...I really did leave it all at the gym.  I haven't in a while, for what ever reasons...it felt good to know I did last night.

Today is Snatches  and some throwing work....one day at a time....

Monday, January 7, 2013

cameras and more resolutions

Yea, my last post I was kinda making fun of my new year resolutions...but....really...if you have been thinking of trying something new...or been toying with checking out Crossfit...I thought I would repost something form the Zia Crossfit site. It is something that one of the other members asked me to write....neither BJ or Will asked for these from their clients....check it out and then check out the rest of the site. BJ has done a really good job of giving you the personalty of Zia in the web page....

http://ziacrossfit.com/mona/

They have a new on ramp class starting too...

I was gonna write a little about what I lifted last week, but I spoke with BJ today and he is giving me the next six weeks of programming tonight. I may as well wait and whine about that tomorrow.

Yes, I did an acting for the camera workshop this weekend....

The basics of auditioning sort of stuff. This was a huge struggle for me. I have been an actor for 30 years...yeah, I just said that...I really thought some of the skills I know that I have, the basics of what I believe in my work as an artist would transfer....

sigh....

It was kinda painful...I know the skills transfer...I respect that it is a special set of skills. They don't, or at least this weekend, didn't transfer for me. Not sure I have the time or the energy to bust my ass to make the camera work for me...to get any work.

And...well....the camera does not like me....

I kinda thought...gee, my face it too small for my head...I thought I kinda looked like the mountain troll from Harry Potter. But in a nice way...I didn't throw anyone around.



I know, I know, it is hard to watch ourselves on film and we are our worst critics....I am not saying I looked like the troll exactly....but, yeah....

I did learn a ton about simply being myself...looking for the qualities in myself that match the character you are auditioning for...these are small roles that they cast here...the casting directors and directors are interested in seeing YOU...who you are. It is rare when these things match up and get cast, but there was something cool about embracing the idea that ...YOU ARE ENOUGH.

That seems to be floating around my life a lot lately...time to learn it....stop giving it lip service...

You are enough....when I believe this, then I also take care of myself better...it sparks a personal revolution really...

I am enough....and really, I am worth it...and so are you.



Friday, January 4, 2013

Trying to stay positive...

New Year's Resolutions....

Since I have a Blog, I am obligated to write about them...right?  Or at least say I don't believe in them?

Ok...Goals for this year:



1. I plan on running a marathon, then participating in an Iron Man competition.



2. I would like to drop about 50 pounds by the summer bikini season.

3. Buy a bikini. 'Cause I am sure I can look like this:


4. Wear a size 6 by September, or a 0...being a 0 would be cool.

5. Buy a treadmill. Or perhaps this:



6. Buy Shake Weights.



There they are...oh, right, just for Marz...I am working on not making stupid faces when I lift.





Thursday, January 3, 2013

stupid cold

Missed Monday...why? My face was set to "drain"...so I missed my new programming...this cold is kicking me in the ass...

I did throw on Sunday.  That may have been a mistake..it wore me out...but...but ...but...ah, heavy weight for distance...threw a pr...by a bit.  I blame all the stability work I have been doing.

So, here is the deal on yesterday...gym was packed again...very nice...and NOT resolution pack either...all the regular beautiful Zia Crossfit faces.  I warm up...and BJ hands me a list for the week.  I look at it and I think, "Is this in Klingon?"  Ok, maybe it wasn't THAT bad...but seriously there are 3 things on the list that I have never done...2 I have never heard of before.

Ah...to be a middle~aged athlete who never stepped in a gym as a young person..

So the workout for the night?

Box Squats~find my one rep max. So I am imagining all sorts of weirdness...do I stand on a box?  Do I stand in between boxes? 

Rack Pulls 5X5  What? Sounds like a Monty Python sketch.

Ok, so BJ goes over what they really are..talks to me about the new set up for me,  heavy days, speed days...my head is kinda foggy already...I'll get more details next week...I know that right now...I am still recovering from this goo in my chest and I am feeling uber lazy.

So...I go to the box squats.

105; 165; 215; 265; 295.

I was afraid to go higher because you can't really bail on the weight with a box squat. I'll tell you this..after lifting with kettle bells on my squats for 5 weeks...coming up out of the squats felt so much easier...well, until the 295.....

Then the Rack Pulls.

5X5

135; 225; 275; 315; 355

These are WEIRD...I felt like I was cheating...especially after having lifted with bands. 

Not sure how these work with my programing...probably something to do with finishing an explosive movement or something...I know too that once I feel better, I have to quit being such a ninny about the WODs...I need speed for throwing...I have to just do the work.

When I was done, I was surprisingly worn out...I worked for a little while on Push ups, but I had to get home and drink a hot toddy.

It was nice going last night...there were tons of folks there...I felt...less lonely when I left the gym. Even if I did leave feeling a little lame for bailing on the push ups and ring dips that were on the board.  But Hell, Marz bailed on those too, so I am in good company.

Zia also updated their website over the holiday...it is really nice...there are blog posts, info on the coaches, tons of photos, and even testimonials! 

New Zia Site

One thing I have to do next week is add a day of throwing...I have to see what BJ's programming looks like first...but I will be throwing shit at my neighbors soon.