Tuesday, June 25, 2013

What is that ripping sound?

I am awesome and so are you

Loved this link to all sorts of women's Fitspo images....I too appreciate that "strong is the the new skinny" and all, but I also think that most of the images that go along with this phrase are just as unattainable for many of us as the super model image....I must say, I wish I was more computer savvy and could make one of these about myself. Might even use that new profile picture on FB.

So last night in the gym...

All sorts of warm up crap, lots of the PT shit I am doing for my neck too.....then the main part of the workout was throwing drills and Back squats.

To say the gym was packed last night would be an I was in a different spot, kinda mixed in with the epic folks from Miller Weight Lifting...such beauty... Swear I'll never move like that but I love watching it.  So I lumber in a different corner with my power lifting grunting.

135  Ah....I wish they were all this nice.
185  still nice.
225 Ok this feels heavy...I remember as I am coming up on my third that this used to be my one rep max....


255  Ah....I wish they were all this nice....(really)
305  Not too shabby....Kinda cool that I can load the bar to 300+and not freak out about it.
335 is the sticking point huh... I think it was 2 weeks ago I got a pr of 330, but I decided what the Hell, the 305 didn't feel too awful. Load it up, I swear I hear a tearing sound...Is that my shoe? No Mona~ it is your spine tearing away from your back,  get down, start to come up, dump the bar. It's sorta ok; sorta not...I think some of it is in my head just like freaking WFD, but I did start coming back up which was better than last weeks attempt at 335 when I dumped the bar at the bottom.

I realized some thing with that lift though...something that may contradict things I have said before...I needed help.  I needed a coach there or another lifter yelling to me the things that would help me get it up, the micro adjustments I was missing, the "you can do this" kind of thing I may just rely on more than I wanna admit.

So what is the protocal for this without looking like a complete douche bag?

"Hey bro, come watch me get all swole."


Asking for help has never been easy...isn't for lots of folks...especially in the gym when it looks on the outside like it's ego driven.  I mean I like getting that weight up, but I wanna be stronger...better than I was last year you know...

Oh well, the solution to this tiny problem is to switch to more cardio....stop lifting....

Today....Oooof   my friend Cody gets the perseverance award....the Crossfit workout looked especially hard today and this man just kept ticking away at this thing....would not stop for anything...cheers man! 

I worked on Cleans today...something has started to click with the form finally....the bar is ending up in the right spot at the end of the lazy back seemed to have gone away today.  When I did my singles at 125...I didn't freaking power clean them....I actually did them RIGHT....Jody Stumbo was asking me why I was going light...form form form...perhaps I am about to break though this sticky head place with the clean & jerk and go fast and low past 150....

Now about WFD....sigh......

Once it cools off tonight, if it's before the sun goes down I plan on throwing things at the neighbors. I wanna see if the drills I have been doing for stone are translating...and WFD...stupid WFD.

Friday, June 21, 2013

new mind games

I recently posted this quote from a new blog I am following..I also posted it on my fridge:

What we need to do is change the paradigm so that we value our bodies for all of the amazing things they let us do.  We need to expand our standards of beauty to recognize that beauty shows up in all kinds of bodies.  And we need to get over this idea that the most important purpose we serve on is to be beautiful for other people.  We have a right to have healthy bodies, to take up space, to have appetites, to cultivate our strengths in whatever form that may take.  Our time on this planet is precious and we will never, ever get it back, so let’s stop squandering it in pursuit of meaningless ideals we will most likely never attain anyway.  We deserve so much better than that.

For whatever mind foggy reasons I cannot remember who posted this...where I found it, but when this person posted it, they wrote "Train to perform and you'll look like you should."  I also have that on my fridge too.

Something about that little sentence has shifted my thinking about my body and about what I am eating in a significant way.  I have decided that "Eat to perform and you'll look(and feel) like you should," needs to be added to that list.  

I had fallen off my good food habits yet again....stress and pain being my two main excuses...EXCUSES I SAY!. but some how reading this blog... when-the-pursuits-of-skinny-and-strong-collide, and reading the sentence linked to it clicked for me...I actually SAY this to myself each time I am about to eat something. 

Dumb I know....years of bad brain programming that I STILL am controlled by...

Will this food,  or sitting on the couch, or this snack get me closer to my goals....will this make me perform....

Will this make me perform?

Wow....something clicked....I hope this is the final click, but I suppose that is a silly request.  I know I will probably be dealing with food issues and body image issues the rest of my little life.  But I can tell you this...I feel so much better this week...again...eating what will help me perform. Eating what controls inflammation. Eating for fuel not for comfort. 

Yeah...I took a rest day yesterday..I hurt myself in the gym on Wednesday....I was doing Back Squats...3 at the top of each minute for 10 minutes....supposed to be at 60% of your one rep max...I went a little lighter to work with the fabulous, I was really working on the pop back up and on one of the reps...well, I really popped.  Guess what happend to the bar?  

Come on guess..

Yup...hit me right about C-7...popped and hit my neck.  Really?  yeah.....freaked me out a bit.  It swole (and not in a good way) and bruised....and I had trouble sleeping....AGAIN.  But this morning, the swelling is almost gone....and the bruise is not very bad at all....and I am not so freaked out.

I also spent some money on something I shouldn't have....I'll post a picture when the illicit purchase arrives.... 


Wednesday, June 19, 2013


I promised myself I'd write...but I am one crabby~bitchy~ungrateful~angry momma today so lets see how this goes shall we?

Hit the gym last night...was not looking forward to it, I have seem to be running out of stream by the end of the day and as I mentioned before I am not feeling very good lately.  I did have this thought after I wrote the last blog that it is sorta amazing to me that I feel good in my body at all! That is still a new sort of feeling....and even nicer that I MISSED it!

So, with some internal and external coaxing I made it to the gym.  It was snatch day for me and well, I was not feeling it...(keep your dirty thoughts at a low roar).  So..I avoided it for a while.

I started with a nice little warm up...then I moved to stone drills...stuff I am stealing from strong & foot up on a low box...supposed to help train you to launch off your back leg...the hip.  Then standing...then some open throws...felt good...then to hammer.  I have a heavy practice hammer and I decided to bring it to the gym because I have found in the last two competitions that the heavy hammer was throwing me off.  So some hammer winds with the heavy....good to stay low and try and keep my feet stable.  Hope it helps.

Then it was time to deal with snatches.....NOW...I am going LIGHT to deal with speed and to fix my form....


I asked Shane if I could use his platforms with was great AND as a super added bonus I got to lift next to Dominick...he is great to watch.  Dominick from Miller Weightlifting is the one who helped me discover I had a lazy back.  So I am working on my snatches...hang snatches mind you....AND in the hang position I hold for 3-5 seconds.  I know that doesn't sound like much, but it is for me...especially with 75 pounds.

Then I was done....but I went outside and tossed the sheaf around a bit...then I did some good mornings and back extensions. 

I left the gym....sore and feeling like I had actually pushed myself in a way I have not for quite some time.  I also resisted checking my pulse every 2 minutes.  Got home, everyone pitched in and banged out dinner...and then...hmmmm, I went outside and threw things at my neighbors. WDF is still not coming...but I'll get it.  I am making tiny corrections that I think are beginning to stick...just not consistently.

Woke up sore.

I liked it.

Oh..just for my friend Cody here is the short version of my near fight at Isotopes Park on Saturday.  Game went really late because of the brawl on the field that night. So about 11PM or so this group of folks that were sitting near us...SINCE really crabby that we were yelling at players (we always do and had been all night) the guy snaps at Pierre, who basically says, if you don't want us to yell, go watch it on TV.  It was weird because my friend Chad had been chatting with them earlier...they were Memphis big deal right?  Chad asks the guy to calm down...then the guy asks Chad it he wants to fight in the parking lot.  WHAT??  ( not Pierre?)  Something about that moment, those words, the fact that my kid was sitting next to him, made me snap...

I freaking found myself on my feet offering to fight him myself.  Honestly....I so wanted that guy to come at me...I so wanted to punch him....I had this uncontrolled rage just ooooozing from every pore.

They left....calling us hippies as they did...which made everyone laugh.

I was quite embarrassed by my behavior and am pretty sure that the folks we always go to games with won't wanna go with me again...and I really don't know why it happened.  I think I may be back in an emotional place that is really dangerous for me....I have everything so tightly controlled; to try to control everything....which I know is an illusion...big joke on me with that one.  Trying so hard to not feel what I am feeling that it spills out in the stands of the 'topes game.

Dopey girl.

Oh well....Missed the noon workout today so it looks like I have to gear myself up to workout tonight, feel free to text me something that will badger me to get to the gym....and I start rehearsals on Thursday...for what I cannot yet share....but I am thrilled and terrified.

Monday, June 17, 2013

losing my grip

I realized I am down to posting like a half a short crappy blog a week....I am working out I swear...but I am not working out like I was last year.  I am still annoyed by this and almost hate posting my lame workouts on this even lamer blog....

So today...I was so luck Sarah B decided to put pants on and get to the gym at noon with me.  Although she could show up with no pants and make me happy...

So the gist of my workout was back squats.


I went light and fast~ish today...135  165 185: 185 215 215

I did other stuff too....warmed up, grip work, foot work for the Weight for distance....but that was pretty much hour.  I miss the days of the other lifting programs that BJ has had me on, but I also know I really couldn't do them right now....I am way to cautious about my stupid heart rate and it takes a lot of the fun out of being in the gym and lifting. Well...the fun is still there in the people around me...I am just not having fun in my body if that makes any sense...

Had a wicked heart racing event the middle of Target thank you very much.  I could almost feel it coming...I was trying to work on breathing and staying calm and blah blah blah...but when it hit, holy moly.  I almost fell down...but managed to hold on to the cart.  Managed to stay calmish...managed to bring it down or let go of the fear whatever it is that makes it stop, and I checked out and went home.  It gets to me though and I was annoyed and worn out for the rest of the day. 

Still feeling worn out today...still finding myself checking the pulse too..grrr...

That's why I went light today..the fear.  Shit, as I am writing this...I can tell my pulse is STILL a little high. But there is nothing wrong with the heart...well it feels both a little broken and a little filled to the brim, but that's a story for another time.

Had PT again last Thursday...he gave me more stretches to play with...many of them to release the pecs which he thinks is tied to the racing heart deal....might be...He's a crazy guy but I trust him...STILL waiting to see my primary doc again to talk about the heart stuff and menopause and stress and who knows what the hell else.

I told someone recently that I write so that I can feel I guess I better keep at this to figure myself doesn't really matter if I think anyone who reads this is sick of me and my heart...I just need to keep writing for me.


 Tomorrow, I might write about the fight I almost got into at the 'topes game....

Monday, June 10, 2013

Utah wrap up...sorta

Long weekend of driving..and I realized I never wrote anything last week...I could PR on back squat...changes at the gym....goals~thoughts~and worries about the games in Utah.  

I even brought my iPad thinking I should blog as I went or actually write a longish blog..nope didn't happen.

Oh and here is a picture of food I the best sauerkraut I think I have ever had...and you can cover me in a quilt of these pirogi.

Let's see....I had two athletic goals this weekend, make it through the games and have fun.

Frankly...I really had a rough day in ABQ...but what's done is done.

Okie how did it go?  Well Friday started out about a shitty as it it could.....the long drive was both a relief and a surprise.  It ended up about two and a half hours longer than it should have...but I actually slept well, which is a shocker these days. 

We had 7 women in our class and Gretchen threw for the first time since she hurt her proud of her.  We were the old women on the field...which is fun. Unfortunately, I took two pictures and then my camera broke so I don't really have any shots of the fantastic people I was playing with this weekend.

I could break down the events....If I could remember them all....but eh....the main things were....I very nearly cleared 22 again on sheaf...(had the height~wrong spot)  Watched the Birthday girl Stefanie take sheaf...she shot for 25 and almost got there.  I had a weight snap off in my hand and take some skin with it.  We had to find new chains and a handle and the other weight just wasn't as good.  BUT I did hit 60 feet again...whew.  Caber was ok.  Flipped it all 3 times...with one 12 o'clock. Heavy weight?  Killing me...just KILLING me...scratched the first throw....almost everyone scratched the first throw.

Stones were so much better than in ABQ...and Lyman gave a few more  things to work on...specifically weight distribution stuff...awesome.  Watched her hit 38'10" on her open stone.  She said it had been some time, high school I think, since she hit that was AWESOME!  For her extra throws I stood out at 40 trying to get her to hit me....almost...but her first was her best which often happens huh?

WOB...sad...hit the bar at 16' 3" in my head...these games had great announcers wandering the never knew where they were until they started talking about you...I had hit 15'6" and asked them to raise it....I just wanted to try...not really thinking it's a big deal or that I had much of a chance. Well, the way the have the field set up there are stands of the crowd every where....and well there was a bit of a crowd and the announcer comes on over...there was also a pro next to me shooting for 90 feet on LWD so he was moving in between us...I was trying to time my throws so he was watching the pro, but it just got all in my head...and I didn't focus well.

Why can't I get this?

The pro that was cool...I failed, but the crowd was great.  Later the announcer came to me and said..."some day you need to learn how to use the crowd to help you, don't be afraid."

Hammers...weird....they kept breaking.  I am suddenly getting weak on heavy.  I think I have to use my heavy practice hammer for winds instead of my light.  During hammer...I had a bit of a heart event.  Just tried to chill...had fun talking to one of the athlete's parents and relaxed.  We also broke ALL of the women's hammers....I took my final throw on light hammer and there was like a 30 degree bend where the weight connects to the handle....I was surprised it held! Yeah, women bustin equipment!

It was a really fun game....I let myself have more fun and the class of women I threw with...great fun and great throwers.  I did take second....I surprised myself with that...especially since lots of these women are closer to Kegan's age than my age.

I did finish....and I had a great time....the woman who won, Lyman, she even came up to me and thanked me for pushing her to throw further...made me tear up a little...damn good thing I have those transitions lenses so no one sees what an emotional pushover I can be.  I mean really, it's not befitting a Heavy it?