Tuesday, July 31, 2012

weekends and such

I had a theater heavy weekend....very different shows that had very similar traits...

The first piece I saw was a brand new  show at Warehouse 21 written by Matt Sanford and Robert Nott, the second....A Midsummer Night's Dream.  New and Old.

In both shows, I saw people who are out there...doing the work...making it their passion.  I love that.  It depresses me but I love it. I am also inspired by it...of course, I guess depressed isn't the right word...frustrated by my lack of action.  But I digress.

I also saw a boat load of young actors and actors I have never seen before.  Most excellent news for Santa Fe.  My favorite favorite thing that I saw this weekend....EXCELLENT TIMING.

ooooh so excited by this both shows too.  Perfectly timed asides, perfectly timed pauses, and zingers.  Kudos to both directors and actors for this.

During Mid Summer I was reminded of my days, oh so long ago, in outdoor drama...the fabulous training ground that it provides for vocal production.   You can definitely tell who has good vocal training and who is still learning.  Still, how much fun is it to watch the sun set, the moon rise, and watch Puck mess with the mortals. 

We also finalized the casting for the piece I am directing in the spring.  Wow, being on the other side of the table has taught me a few things.  Primarily....casting, or not casting someone is not about personal relationships.  So hard to narrow my focus down enough...I learned how much I needed to know about the play, about what I think it means, about what I think I can add as a director; before I can even watch an actor get up and read.  Tough stuff.  Tough to having to say, "not this time." I had great people come play, lucky me.

It is funny, this year off...I feel so freaking removed from the theater scene....Someone warned me that this one year break is likely to be a 10 year break.  She had confirmed my fear, that when people don't see you...they forget you...everything moves forward and when you step out, it is very hard to step back in.

Oh well.  I have had a hard week...I don't seem to be able to giggle my way out of feeling what I am feeling...nor do I seem to be able to squat my way out of feeling this crap either.... ha!

A couple of great days lifting....but I am needing to throw easy to just sit and watch the Olympics instead.  Yes...I have watched ping pong, hand ball, and water polo.  Whatever.  Gotta sit down with BJ and talk programming. It has been about a month and it is probably time to look at what works and what can be tweaked.

Highlight?  2x4 230 Back squat, with an additional 2 reps. (that's more than my one rep max)  Got some great info about breath work too. I am tilting forward too much as I go heavy and work on my breathing is sure to help.

Oh yea...I have a weightlifting competition this weekend...funny. 

And my boy leaves in less than 2 weeks....yeah...that too.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

numbers I can't remember.

I am super bad at writing down my numbers when I throw at a games, hell, half the time I don't even know what I throw, since I can feel a crappy throw.  I will often walk away.  Oh well.

Here is what I sort of remember form Flagstaff:

Heavy Hammer  54'  and something....Not a best but not too bad.  I'd like to be throwing in the low 60's by the spring.. First throw was my best.

Light Hammer   66' 5"   a PR..(5 inches) , but the hips need to drive more.  Didn't throw in my boots either...we were in a baseball diamond...and I am too inexperienced to throw in the boots placed under a board.

Braemer... um....I don't know...I think 23?  24?  I have no clue...I also know that stone PR's are so freaking random since you never really know how heavy the stone is gonna be.

Open stone...see above.  Well, the thing I took away from open stone was consistency,  each throw was 27' and between 7-9"  That was cool.

WOB.  17'...with the 21lb.  I was shooting for 18', I know I can do it, but I started to rush my throw before it came through my legs and it kept hitting the bar on the way up.  I need to throw at 18 feet just like I do at 12.  I was disappointed in my performance here.... started POURING...which my friends, is awesome...but there was only one stick for the ladies masters and neither Michelle or I wanted to try the women's open caber in the rain.  I think if it had not been raining, I might have tried to at least pick it. Best throw of three was 11:55.

Heavy Weight for distance.  40' something...I was super tentative with the wet grass...could NOT get my stupid hips around, not was I able to build to a sprint for the final spin.

Light weight for the 50's...HA!  I can't remember....all I remember at this point was counting down to the final throws and watching some huge throws by Beth, Heather, and Gretchen...which were beautiful to watch!

Next Games are in California!  Kinda excited about this, but I also know I need to freaking relax or my head will get in my way....I spoke with BJ about this and we are gonna probably gonna take a two week break from the lifting and focus on speed before I leave.

As for last night?  I was super happy I got back at it.  I was telling one of the women at the gym that it is so easy for me, post competition, to give in to how sore I feel and put off getting back to the work.  I felt that even stronger, knowing what this lifting program is like.

I started with the snatches since during Jeremy's workshop he made it  really made it clear that most of us only really have about 10-12 good snatches AND they need to be done first...super glad I did!  Even BJ said that I looked more comfortable.  HA!


I know....shhhh....whatever, I am working on it.

Then  back Squats

2x5x220  Yes indeed, I typed that right, that is 5 pounds less than my one rep max.
1x3x220  I am supposed to do 5+ for this set...but my back said...NO! I was sweating like a huge farm animal at this point...I went outside after the last rep thinking I might puke.

Then Bench giggling at the numbers.

2x5x117.5  ...125 is my one rep max on this...I was super happy with these...
1x3x117.5  The beautiful Kelly was my spotter and she really wanted me to count my half rep...

Then I did 4x15x50 of good mornings and some captains of crush work...I felt...spent....

BJ comes back over to me as I am sweating and trying to improve my grip....He lets me know that he too is working on a similar program and that sometimes he looks at it and way...that he gets under the bar and thinks no way...that he hurts and feels like stopping too....that he finishes and is shaky and sweaty and goes to work thinking for a moment he can't make it through the day, I felt lifted when he shared this with me, that the struggle is shared. Too often, I look around at people in the gym or on the field,  and think that it looks easy for them....I had made a crack to Kelly, that I was living proof that you should never wait to choose to get fit in middle age.

I am wrong about that of course.

... it isn't my age that makes this hard.  I asked BJ to push me and he gave me what I asked for...and he keeps looking at me like he has no doubts that I can do this.  BJ asked the same of himself and he struggles along as well.  I laughed with him, that just three weeks ago, my first working set of back squats were 200lbs, and I could NOT do it....and yesterday I did 220.  So I'll just keep plugging along...working on building this piece...and in a few short months I'll get back into those crazy crossfit classes and I am sure that BJ & I  will discover the next piece of my training puzzle....and I will have self doubts and set backs and all of that will be worth it...just worth the getting up and trying.

Monday, July 23, 2012


Just back from Flagstaff...and here is a list of stuff I did/learned:

1.  If I have a games coming up, I need to be throwing A LOT more.
2.  Sushi post games is AWESOME.
3.  I can, indeed, throw a caber in the rain.
4.  Post rain, one must reapply sunscreen.
5.  My first throw is almost always my best.
6.  I am still way too hard on myself and need to remember I have only been throwing a little over a year. 
7.  I can only throw my best, I can't really chase anyone else.
8.  I am gonna work with a weight belt on a couple of events to see if it helps (you know me and my equipment fetish)

I know I took first, but I didn't really feel good about my throwing.  I wasn't consistant...and I was hoping for something I cannot quite put my finger on.

When I back up though, I know I felt more stability as I threw, both in Hammer and weight for distance.  I am pretty sure that is the weight lifting.  I am early in this program as well, so again, see number 6 above.  I need to remember that the gym work is focusing me for my longer term goal in May...not for the games happening now, or even in the fall.

I did get 2 PR's, but again, I let myself feel disappointed by them because they we not BIG PR's.  As usual, Grant helps me by reminding me that PR's come in inches...unless some huge shift comes to your form.  Thanks...again...see number 6. 

I was also able to watch some of the best women in the sport throw this weekend, it was great...and one of them refused to believe I was old enough to be a Masters...ah, a little ego stroke there....I had fun too, in spite of my self doubt with my throwing.  It really was a great group...some of my favorite throwers to play and goof off with and I also got to meet some new, fun, fabulous throwers.  There were also 3 women who had never thrown, who are all trainers at the Flagstaff Crossfit gym.  When I showed them my awesome new patch, it was like we were in a secret club or something.  It was fun to help when I could and I think they saw some of what I see in the games.  That, just like in CF, people want to help you...want you to do be your best.

I have so much to learn, but there is no other group of women I'd rather learn it from.

I really felt part of the family of throwers this weekend....

Thursday, July 19, 2012


By Ben Salas!

I have been thinking of change a bit lately...not just all of the little things, like college and new schools and new kilts and new gyms, but the big stuff too...."real" change.  Pierre said something to me recently about someone we know, "Well, people never really change do they?"  Now, I know I have said that as well, but is it true?  Even if we make a huge shift, say recovery from alcohol or drug use or, in  my case, recovery from lazy, sitting on the couch waiting to die...eating myself into an early grave....

Have I really changed? Is the core of myself really any different than it was before or is change all small change...have I just made nickle and dime strides without really shifting the core?

Isn't the attention to this new athletic life, the exact same thing I sought out when I first found theater?  Am I still just chasing a community?  Haven't I been doing that since the day I was born?
I like to think that I have changed....without losing those things about myself that are good, or that I perceive as good....If I am super duper honest...I felt the same sort of competitive itchiness when I used to audition.  So really, that isn't new.

Perhaps, it is to hard to look through a mirror to see what has changed...perhaps as I look at the people who are a part of my life...I will be able to see who it is who wants to spend time with me...perhaps they are a more accurate reflection of who I am, of how I have changed, or not.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Whole 30 lessons

Things I have done in the gym this week I am proud of:

Back squat working sets 2x5 at 210... Then 3 more reps at the same weight.

Learned a something about my shoulder press that I was doing....sloppily.

Clean working sets 5x3 at 130. I also kept going when I really wanted to quit. Some of that may have been BJ keeping an eye on me. :)

Bench press work, didn't get the full working sets done, but I dropped 10% off the bar and got 7 sets! I am proud of the weight even though I know how lame it sound to all the hard core people out there (105). I am super happy mainly because I feel like I am getting more comfortable with the form... Pressing through my heel... letting the bar go LOW...And I am no longer feeling uncomfortable asking for help, making sure I have a spot.

During the last week, I had a few people come up and ask me how much weight I have lost or some other kind of related comment. Since I despise photos of myself and I no longer weigh myself, I have no answer. The best I could do was dig up a photo from the South Carolina competition and ask Pierre to take a photo of me wearing the same shirt and kilt. It was during SC when I realized how far I had strayed from eating what makes me feel good. Shortly after, I jumped on the Whole 30. I also shifted my workout to one that is more focused on lifting. I feel super supported at Zia and I am sure that there is no way to untangle or determine the one factor that is shifting my body.

The strangest thing I gave up for the 30 days was potatoes. I still cannot really believe that I have not eaten any potatoes in over 30 days.

I also decided that I am not going "off" the whole 30 anytime soon. I am going to do my best to keep eating what really feeds me while making clear choices for when I want to stray.

(I am looking at you Flagstaff.)

Something that surprises me? How much I need to eat and how often. I swear I eat every three hours. Another surprise? Just how much sugar crept back into my food. I have a feeling I will have bad food creep happen again, but I have been successful doing this 30 day thing once, I can do it any time I choose. I am sorta guessing once a year..... Ha!

One of the coolest things? I am stronger. This "diet" is not really a diet for me at all. I am stronger, not hungry at all, and I have none of the complaints I see women post on Facebook when they do weight watchers or Jenny Craig or skinny bitch diet or whatever else is being packaged and sold right now.

BUT... Just like the working out...This works for me... I am no "born again" about this stuff. Everyone needs their own path.

Last thought for tonight? I gotta find some thine to's less than 2 weeks til Flagstaff!

Wishing time

Sometimes my kids will say to me, "I wish the week were over." I know we all feel like this sometimes, but I will remind them that time is pretty much what we have- please don't wish it away.

On thursday, I found myself in that very same place I warn the kids about. I found myself wishing it were the middle of September. Overwhelmed by all of these transitions, all the things that have suddenly piled up that I am supposed to be doing. I am behind on everything I "should" be doing. I cannot even make a good list! And when I do make a list I seem to lose it right away. In the mean time it triggers my stress response in my neck.


I lifted on Thursday instead of Friday so I could do my friend Kim's birthday workout....but the kids and I and my sister went to the zoo and I was fried. The cool thing about the lifting on Thursday? I was able to do the prescribed working sets for my back squats. 205...I did two full sets then an extra four reps. Next week's workouts are gonna be messed up again because I found out I have to drive to Oklahoma Sunday morning.

I will try not to avoid all of the things people are needing me to do...the things I am needing me to Like pack, crap, I need to pack too.

I have some thoughts about the whole 30 ... But I can't think anymore today and I am sure I am supposed to be taking care of something.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

More Crabbiness

More entertainment from the crab....

Some how a discussion was started about the fact that women who are either starting, in, or through the process of menopause lose bone mass.

Me:  Osteoporosis runs in my family, but I am not really worried any more because of the amount of weight training I do.

They: I do weight training too.

Me: Great, when did you start?  how much are you doing it?

They: I have been doing Pilates for two years.  That is weight training.

Me: What?  I thought it was a stretching kind of thing?

They: We use a machine, in fact it is better that regular weight training,  I have to use my BODY WEIGHT. I don't get hurt either.  I don't end up sore like you.  I also won't get you will.

Me: I know it is a great system, I just don't think it is the same as lifting wieghts.

They: It isn't, it's is all of my body weight...not just a little weight on a bar.  If you like getting bulky..I just don't want to look like a man.

Me: each their own (I walk away and do a face palm)

Last night:

 Back Squat, Bench Press, Snatch, Good mornings, Crush work

Did not really get through all of the working sets (5 reps at 200) The last time I picked up the bar, I felt my back say...hmmmm you are done.  Bench press went well for me...I got 6 reps on the last working set of 110.  Snatch..same problem, it gets heavy~I get scared...I was also wiped from all the previous lifting. BJ told me to use a trick he had learned.  If as I go heavy, I fail to get under the bar, hold it, then do an overhead squat.  It lets the body and the mind know that you can get under the weigh.

So, whats on the agenda for tonight?  a rest? no. since the gym is closed on the 4th..I am gonna do the Wednesday program tonight!

Press, Deadlift, Push press, Back Extensions

The press working sets are at 105, Deads at 300, push Press at 125....

And I still can't have a beer post workout...not til Friday.