Weird days

Day Eleven:

Feeling good...inflammation is better all the time. We had some folks over last week and I made food that I could eat and had some food there I couldn't eat and it was juuussssst fine. Sunday, yikes, Sunday was hard. I don't know why... maybe the heat, maybe the emotional turmoil from the night before, maybe the heat (yes I said that twice.) but I texted a friend and didn't drink that beer.

Went to a production of Rent on Saturday. My kid was in it. It was produced by a young man the same age as my son...17.

17.

He wanted to do the show so-he did. I had so many things going through my head as I watched this piece. Now Rent is not a plot driven piece, it is passion driven. And holy crap, these kids had that... They had heart, passion, drive. There was talent too, but as my friend Ness put it, there is more than one way to me moved by theater. The well produced and acted is one kind, but there needs to be room in our community for the 'heart' driven kind as well. I found myself ashamed as an artist after watching this piece. I have been saying that I want to do something, that I want to create work, that I want to make theater, yet all I seem capable of is talking about it. Here were these young people, making it work, moving their audience. Was it 'perfect? No....is that why I can't seem to get past the talking phase?

Am I waiting for perfect? The perfect time, the perfect piece? The perfect cast? I know it is more complex than I am laying it out, but there is joy- value-worth in doing work from the heart, passionately.

I also saw work from my boy that was nuanced, present, and painful. There was something that felt like a farewell to me. To the child that he was and a greeting, an introduction to the man that he is becoming. I was overwhelmed.

As for training? Oh right, that is the focus of this blog.

I had a great session with BJ talking and planning for the next year. He feels, as do I that the next couple of months need to be focused on building my strength. I got the feeling that he has been keeping an eye on how I workout this first month. I guess as I have been working to get a pulse on this new place, he has been sizing me up as well. We decided to start a new program for me on July 1st. A linear program for building strength. I am new to what all of this means, but I really trust him. He is looking at my highland training and two other programs that he has and blending things so they work for me.

I have to admit I was a little trepidatious given my time issues. He is telling me all of this great stuff and I can hear my nasty voice saying, "you'll never do all of this you don't have the time." as soon as this thought enters BJ tells me that for this first portion of the training, whether it be an 8 or a 12 week program we settle on, that I will come to class with everyone else, warm up, do the mobility, then do my own work. He says it can be hard not doing the WOD with everyone, but we need to build strength first. I will have three days a week of lifting and I will do the regular classes in the other days. If I feel like it isn't working...just let him know.

I hate to admit this, but I almost started to cry.

Happy cry...but still, I felt like I was seen & heard, that he sees how much I love this crazy sport. That it is worth, that I am worth this work.

So-July.

Let's see what it brings. I have a feeling that I still don't have a clue how strong I can be, but with these trainers- I am about to find out.