Friday, June 15, 2012
the elephant in my blog....
Since about October, I have been struggling with how to train for this new thing I do. I started to lurk around some people's blogs and training logs and such; never having much luck understanding half of what they were talking about. I sent some links to people and I mostly got..."well, yeah, that looks like something you could do." Felt kinda lost and well, kinda dumb.
In Phoenix, I happened to run into Matt Vincent...who was handing out his card with a link to his page and a discount for his training manual. I had been to Matt's page before but had not noticed a manual. So decided to order it. When I got it, it made sense to me, seemed doable for a middle aged lady such as myself. Honestly, I was not really sure how I was going to fit it in to the CrossFit schedule, but I thought I'd give it a whirl.
I cut back to 2 days of CrossFit, 3 days of lifting and 3 days of throwing. Then one day of CrossFit. Then no days of CrossFit.
I went to the gym I have called home to see what sort of deal I could work out, but well, it is a business and the business is CrossFit and Ju Jitsu. I wasn't using the coaching or the classes and I needed more lifting equipment than they have there. Moreover, what I need is someone to keep an eye out to make sure I am lifting properly....pushing myself...you know...the intangibles.
So I found myself in a weird transitional place. I really don't workout on my own very well and...I was sad. Sad that I am letting this place, this idea of who I was in this gym go. I also felt weird going into other gyms, looking for the help I need, being open enough to ask for what I think I might need to train, and to also be open to something that isn't CrossFit.
Part of what I needed to do is stop telling myself the story that CrossFit or this particular gym, or any particular person saved my life. While it is true that these people, this way of working out was presented to me just at the right time...it is ME who walked through that door the first time, it was ME that kept coming back, and now it is ME who needs to find a new way to train.
So, what happened then? You are still doing CrossFit?
Yes, I am. I am working with different folks. Trainers who are very knowledgeable in Olympic Lifting and Power Lifting. I have been at Zia for about a month now. BJ was clear that he just wanted me to try it for a month first. During this time...I have had 2 competitions and I got a cold I couldn't get rid of, but there is something here for me to explore. BJ and I are gonna sit down this week or next and hash out a plan. I have honestly been amazed at how much research he has done about my sport.
Now that I have been gone a while, there are some of my old gym rat~workout buddy~friends who have contacted me and ask where I have been, which inevitably leads to the "why" question...and the "what's it like there" question. At first, I felt as though I was betraying something, or someone, or a whole lot of "someones." My reasons for changing gyms is mainly a training issue. I had no idea anyone would even care that I left a freakin' gym...nor should they....much less ask me why..... much less want to see the new gym for themselves. But here I am, about a month since I changed gyms and there have been some folks who are asking me questions. So, like I said, it felt funny at first, but then I realized that I am simply doing what I always have done, I am describing WHY this gym, these trainers work for me.
I still don't know why anyone would be interested in this spastic, giggling, SLOW, middle aged, fat woman's opinion. I am not one of "those" CrossFit women who are all bad~assed and have beautiful muscles. I am not pretty, thin, ripped, rich, smart or very funny. I am just a middle aged mom and actor and wife who recognized two years ago that I was slowly killing myself. I am working on reversing that and in the process found this crazy Scottish thing. So, I am honest when people ask me...I am trying to be clear. Which has had the side effect of making it really clear to ME what I need. So...all in all it is a selfish thing for me to share what works for me.