songs and dead lifts

Lazy ass workout yesterday....

5x3 Bench at 85
5x3 deads at 185

hahaha.

I seem to have lost my mojo somewhere.  I realized yesterday too, that I don't have another game for 8 weeks.  That's quite some time. Really what I need to focus on is my fuel.  I was really dialed in for about 3 weeks before I got sick...then, not quite before the games and then well...until yesterday...oh boy.  I know that's where all of it begins. 

So as of yesterday...I am eating food food...I am not working out nearly enough...I spoke with Megan  and she reminded me that there is an ebb and flow to everything...including working out.  That the kidney stuff was nothing to scoff at and that perhaps my lack of motivation is partially my body's way of telling me to slow down so it can focus on healing.

I did put my weights in my trunk...gonna throw today.  It has been crazy windy the last two day so...ugh.


A while back I posted something about song lyrics...you know that whole. "I love you so much I would die for you" thing. 

Love Songs


More recently I have been aware of the "post break up song" (I wonder why) getting back to who I used to be seems to be a common theme. Here is a selection of lyrics from A Fine Frenzy...( I like this one)...

Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious
Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.
You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be

"to get back to who I used to be."

AHHHHHH!

I do not want that at all...my core is there, the core of who I am, but I cannot go back to my 20 year old or 30 year old self. Nor do I even want to.

I wanna be more.

More than I ever imagined I could be when I was young and setting up a dysfunctional relationship. I screwed so much stuff up...I still do and will, but to get back to that person I was in some amorphous "before" time? um, no thanks.

I like the strong independent me.

I just want to be more of me...and hopefully on occasion, the best me that I can.