It was super lame, completely unmotivated....I am feeling, weird. My morning had put me in a place of just wanting to be snuggled up in bed all day. Went to the gym and I could not shake just wanting to go home...home...home.
I warmed up, I think...then decided to squat even though it wasn't really a squat day. The squats were so taxing on Monday I wanted to just move a little weight. Shane came over and asked me what I was up to, I said Squats & cleans.. I that order he asked..... He said he does more complex moves first...solid reasoning, but I just needed to move my legs. He agreed with me...for my purposes...to squat first. Boy oh boy did I go light.
Faith came over and I bitched and moaned to her that 135 felt heavy.
Moved to the cleans...you know my favorite lazy back hold for 3 second hang cleans....couldn't get 125 up. Oh well...worked WFD too, and rowed....like I was on a lazy river going no where.
More than a week off is posing challenges......that and my head....
So, when I got back from the games in Enumclaw, I had a little bit of winnings...I used most of it to payoff the airline ticket, but I also decided to buy myself something. See, I have a friend who is a clothing designer. I already have one of her dresses that I adore. I saw this on her Instagram page...
Now, she and I go way back and she sent me colors and patterns and all sorts of stuff to think about. I had to be honest with her too...you know her stuff is amazing, but you know...she doesn't look like me, nor do her models...BUT she did already make me something that I love...sigh....old demons come up. I send her my measurements, she assures me that this one especially is made for any body...it's a wrap after all.
So...fast forward...Monday...I get a package in the mail...
I throw the package in the car and go to pick up Vivi from school, I open it up and I just hold the dress on my lap. I get home, I leave it in the car....I can't bring myself to put the dress on, to see if it even fits. The colors and the patterning are inspired....Blues and coppers...wow.
I fold it back up and think, I can't wear that...it won't look right on me...I am too heavy right now, I am not her normal client, I won't do her artistry justice...a whole day I do this shit to myself...a....whole...day. Now frankly, years ago, I may have bought the dress and NEVER put it on. I got up the next morning, looked at my heavy athlete ass in the mirror after my shower and said to myself that you are disrespecting Kristen and her work by NOT putting it on.
So...I put it on....and you know what, she is right, it fits this heavy yet athletic body just fine.
And you know what else? I am not waiting for "the right occasion" to wear it.
I might just wear it to the grocery store tomorrow....
and here is her link again....cause you know, I think she is all sorts of fabulous.