kids and such.

Wednesday....ah, I kinda love you now Wednesday....for you are my recovery workout day.  The whole idea of a recovery or rest workout still, after 12 weeks, cracks me up.  3 years ago...the workout I do for "recovery" would have knocked me out for a week. 

I am dealing with the odd thing of dismissing or under cutting what I think I can do. I had to do clean pulls again yesterday....my Tuesday thing you know...well last week, I had to do pulls at 140% of my one rep max.  I bitched and moaned to BJ.  What the heck...this is a typo, right?

He just sorta looks at me in that quiet BJ sorta way...I have done that because I know you can lift more than you know you can ...yet.

ARGH.

So yesterday it was at 150%...I got upset again, I loaded the bar and just knew I could not do that much weight....I whined around to Chris..then I just sorta when up to the bar and started.

I don't think they were great, but I did all the sets...I am still busy telling myself that "yea, I did the clean pulls I thought I couldn't but that does not mean I can actually clean any more weight than I already do. And can you make any more noise when you lift?"

My god, when will I just kill that voice?

It all reminded me of this stupid "diet" thing.  I keep sliding off paleo....why? not because it is hard...because, yet again, I am underestimating what I can do, or what I am worth.  This eating isn't hard...it is easy.

see look....

Now I have added the crazy protein thing...and guess what?  I feel great...but how long before I decide I don't really deserve to feel great?

Maybe I am done this time.

As I was looking at these two health related issues...my kids also jumped in with some stuff that sorta feels related.

I picked Vivi up from school the other day and she said to me, " I love Junior High." I almost drove off the road.

Then, the same day...I got a letter from my son.  Yes, you read that correctly, a letter; not a text, email, tweet, facebook message, meme, tumbler....an actual letter...hand written too.

Not gonna share what he said....but the sum total of both of these interactions with the kids....We have broken the cycle.  It doesn't matter that we haven't always made good financial decisions, that we screw up all sorts of stuff, we have changed the tide of abuse that swept through both of our families. We have let these kids know that they are worth it, they get it....which, I think, may just mean....that I am too.

How is this related to a clean pull and paleo?  Hell if I know...but I know it is....