Friday, December 7, 2012

what is it that you see?

So, yesterday I posted a photo of myself on Facebook...lifting.  I do this every once in a while even though it generally makes me uncomfortable. There are a couple of reasons I don't like to see pictures of me lifting.  Not the least of which, I usually look terrible. Not just the  body, but I usually have a dumb ass look on my face.  I have gotten over this one more than my body issues, 'cause really, who looks good lifting? I am trying to let photos get posted and post photos of myself in part, because I am really working at changing my way of thinking.

I really do believe that strength is beautiful...well, as long as it is someone else.  So~if I post a photo of me working hard...throwing, lifting, sweating, whatever....I am trying to see myself the same way...even though I often scrutinize the photo for all of my perceived flaws.

This is the one I posted yesterday:
Ok, what do you see?

What I frequently get in comments when I post something like this is one of the following:

"Oh man I don't wanna get you angry!"

"Yikes, I don't wanna get in your way!"

"grrr! Hulk!"

Same sorts of things I tend to say on others photos....but....yesterday...I found myself defensive about these kinds of comments.....

Why is lifting weights or strength equated with anger?  I realized that lifting and throwing has helped me control my temper, my anger.  A while ago I had posted this photo:

I actually look peaceful....meditative....and...well....perhaps beautiful.

There are all these lifting sites that have t~shirts that proclaim that strong is the new pretty...or some such thing...but I don't think it is true at all. 

I am really working on seeing my strength as an asset, as beautiful, through the eyes of those that also see strength as beautiful.  Hell, I am not mad at the person who is "scared" of me because of that photo...I think it is, in a weird way a compliment.  But for me, a woman who had never seen her beauty, to be called frightening for the one thing that makes me come close to seeing my beauty was...hmmm..challenging.

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