I clearly have had some major problems understanding what I look like.
When I was young and did stupid things~like not eat for a week at a time, I thought I was huge. Now that I feel good...I look at pictures and I often am confused by the image I see. I feel good, I move better than I have in like 15 years, and then I see photos of myself throwing...and I say huh? Really? I look like that? Still so chubby?
See this photo (by Larry Ventress) is a perfect example...on one hand, what I see is some strong arms, and then..holy crap....am I really that chubby? And well, it's a photo, so the answer is ~yes, Mona, you are precisely that chubby." But~I don't feel like that.
So today I have made a decision, I am going to work at embracing the big. I am not gonna be one of those muscular ladies you see on all those CrossFit sites. I think that will never be something I attain, but what happens to me if I stop trying to be that? For Crap sake..perhaps that is only attainable with a level of work I am actually UNWILLING to do! What is if I just lift big and work on the explosive movement of the throws?
What happens if I begin to see myself as I see the women I throw with....I would never even think of saying to them the ugly things I say to myself, because these women, all I see is their beauty, their power.
How about I get it in my thick head that I perhaps cannot be small and throw big? I know there are some who can....but that's not me.
Ok, well today, I'll try. Also back to the gym for this large lady...tonight.