Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Well, that seems obvious.

I clearly have had some major problems understanding what I look like.


When I was young and did stupid things~like not eat for a week at a time, I thought I was huge. Now that I feel good...I look at pictures and I often am confused by the image I see.  I feel good, I move better than I have in like 15 years, and then I see photos of myself throwing...and I say huh?  Really?  I look like that?  Still so chubby?

See this photo (by Larry Ventress)  is a perfect example...on one hand, what I see is some strong arms, and then..holy I really that chubby?  And well, it's a photo, so the answer is ~yes, Mona, you are precisely that chubby."  But~I don't feel like that. 

So today I have made a decision,  I am going to work at embracing the big.  I am not gonna be one of those muscular ladies you see on all those CrossFit sites. I think that will never be something I attain, but what happens to me if  I stop trying to be that?  For Crap sake..perhaps that is only attainable with a level of work I am actually UNWILLING to do!  What is if I just lift big and work on the explosive movement of the throws?

What happens if I begin to see myself as I see the women I throw with....I would never even think of saying to them the ugly things I say to myself, because these women, all I see is their beauty, their power.

How about I get it in my thick head that I perhaps cannot be small and throw big?  I know there are some who can....but that's not me.

Ok, well today, I'll try. Also back to the gym for this large lady...tonight.

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