So, the last few days I have been back in the gym.  A different gym.

Tuesday:

5 X 3 Hang Cleans  at 95lbs
then 3 rounds of
9 Overhead Squats and 400 meter run

Wednesday:
1 Rope Climb
50 jump roping
5 Burpees
Bear Crawl
then
Stone & Heavy Weight for Distance

Yes...I sucked...I actually went to this new gym on these two days because they were filled with so many things that I am either afraid of, or a cannot do, or I just plain hate.  (um running..I am looking at you.)

So many times on CrossFit blogs, there is talk of "there is no place for your ego"...blah blah blah. Well lemme just say, as much as I tried to just be present with where I am now, that hideous voice just took over.

"My god, you have been doing CrossFit for  how long and you still can't climb a rope?  do double unders? run faster than a turtle?"

"You'd be better off staying where it doesn't work, because at least they know where you came from."

"Oh...my...they do that differently...you look like a jack ass."

Change is a challenge.  It challenges you ego, your beliefs about not only what you are doing but how you are doing it.  There is some quote about a rose only blooming once the pain of being a bud becomes too painful. So here I go, making another change...and I wonder if there couldn't have been a worse time for me to change my training.  I have less than a month before the International Master's Games and I have my kiddo's graduation from high school.  Shifts~changes~challenges. 

Last night, as I was watching some other folks workout, I had to fight back tears.  I don't even know why.  I missed something, a feeling of the familiar.  I also felt ridiculous for being so bad at everything, but I chose to come when it would be hard so I could see how I would handle the change.

But, I mean really....It is training...It is a gym...talk about a "first world" problem. 

So, I suck...good for me...I have had a lot of suck the last couple of weeks.  Whatever.  I'll do it anyway. I am not sure there is a wrong time to change, it shows up when it shows up.  I am ready for it when I am ready I suppose. So here I go again...