blinded

There is a play I have wanted to do for a while, which is kinda unusual for me.  I just do whatever people put me in...I show up, do the work....The play was given to me in an acting class and I felt like I did really good work on it. Frankly, the play scares the crap out of me.  Which is, I suppose the best reason to do it. I started working on it with a talented actor who pulled out of the project...I think the play got scary for him. 

Well, fast forward more than a year....hmmm, maybe almost two,  I am getting to the point when I am running out of time to do the play...I shall soon be too old to play this role. I decided to give it to an actor who I would trust with anything....I kinda thought he would not like it...but he decided to give it a read anyway...

So that's what I did last night...

The play is scary, it is only two people and they are stripped bare emotionally... an issue that we talked about, was whether or not a play like this is self indulgent.  I thought about another 2 person show I was involved in, 'night Mother....also a play that can be all gooey emotional garbage.  I think it is my job as an actor and the director's job to make sure it doesn't go there...I think nearly any play can become "self indulgent."

Any whoooo..I came away from the reading more scared of it than I was before....feeling like there is no way I should touch this thing...feeling like either one of the women who heard it last night would be a much stronger match for the actor.

I am seriously out of my league on this one.

I mean it is not like there are any spaces in town clamoring for us to do a piece for them, it would take some serious work to get a place to do it....but now I don't know why I am so afraid.  Is it just insecurity again?  Or am I simply overwhelmed by the talent of the other actor, and then by the conversation of the 3 people who were listening, or am I afraid to go to the places that this play requires.

I don't know....

On top of this, my freaking body hurts....I am wondering if I need a week off, but then I am headed for a games too....

I feel like I am broken down, both as an athlete and as an actor.