thursday numbers and winter clothing

So...lifting last night...

Shoulder Press (ugh)
Deadlifts
Push press
Weighted Back Extensions (25lbs)

SP
2x5 45
1x5 65
1x3 85  I am keeping good form on these...using the belt too....working my breath. Thinking...tonight will be the night..I will finally push through that 105 barrier.
1x2 105
Working sets..

They are, at this point supposed to be at 127.5.  I have yet to crack past 105...I don't freakin' know why.... so I load the bar to 115...nope....drop it to 100.  sigh.

3x3 at 100
 GRRRR

Deads.

I have had trouble with these...have not been able to get a working set off the ground...

2x5 125  Speedy!
1x3 185
1x2 265  not so speedy
1...as many as I can(the goal being 5)  315...ooooga.  I got 2.

Push Press

2x5 45
1x5 75
1x3 90 This feels HEAVY...I feel like I am running out of steam.
1x2 115
3x2  132.5  well well.  I got this, but I could not re~rack.  It feels too scary coming back down on my chest. I did 5 of these...with the final lift being the quickest, cleanest lift. 

I have 5 weeks left (I know it seems longer than 12 weeks cause I had breaks built in) and I feel like I have started to do something wrong.  The weights get heavier and heavier, but I am not doing the numbers of reps or sets I am supposed to be doing.  I think at this point, I need to pull back the 10% if I can't do a full working set. That is written into the programming for a reason.  I need to get a certain volume of lifts....sheer numbers...to get stronger.  I need to talk to BJ about it, but I am wondering if it is less beneficial to do say 3x3 of back squats at 260 vs. doing 3x5 at 235.

I am worried, I already struggle doing math while I am lifting heavy...sigh.


Having an interesting thing happen with clothing.  As it gets cold...I drag out things I have not worn in a while.  Y'all know I do NOT weigh myself any more. So, pulling pants out...they fit in the waist...kinda loose...um but they don't fit anymore...over my freaking thighs.  My thighs....ok then...I guess I'll wear skirts all winter?  Not sure that I will actually find clothing that fits a "Mona started heavy lifting" body.  I already have a giant butt....now my thighs.  They don't really look any different to me, but they sure do to my clothing.

I also noticed something about the photos getting posted from the last games.  I can look at them without cringing.  I can see that objectively, I don't look any different..I am not any thinner or more fit...but I think something is finally shifting in my tiny tiny brain about how I perceive myself....

I didn't really want to say that out loud, since the Santa Fe games are coming up...and I may hate all of those pictures, but I was thinking that perhaps if I could say it out loud..."that is a good photo" that perhaps it will be easier to say the next time....easier to see the strong woman in the photo....the more confident woman...that....happy person....