Yeah yeah...any one who reads this already knows that I climbed a rope on Wednesday. I had thought I *might* get this accomplished by my birthday next year...but there I was after working on cleaning up my~clean, when I looked at the rope and knew I had to get back on it...just practice the foot hold again. As I head up the rope...I hear both Will and Pam say...you are almost there...I had a twinge of fear...and Will said...take a bigger bite....I think I did...I finished the climb. Then BJ was trying to get me down the damn thing...that was scary.
It is weird to think that I learned this physical skill that I was told when I was young that I would never do...that when I started Crossfit, I told myself I would never be able to do. Seems like there is a bunch of that in my life right now. I feel like perhaps I should sit down and write out a bunch of goal numbers for the lifts I am working on. I seem to do better when I have a number in mind....I have done that for my throwing goals....I also seem to do better when people are watching me. Pushing me...the self directed thing doesn't seem to work as well in the physical area for me....I must be an attention whore or something....sigh. It's is one of the reasons that Crossfit works for me. Going to the gym alone or trying to work out on my own...not so much. I need a community.
I am planning on putting something else in my sights....not sure what yet. There are so many *basic* things I keep telling myself I can't do.... :)
All this "doing shit I have never done" crap made me think of a book I started to read last year when my life seemed to be headed down a scary path. It is called What Happy People Know.
"Courage, they say, is not the lack of fear, but the ability to take action in spite of it. But where does that ability come from? What power grants the strength to overcome the sick, shaky feeling of fear?
Only one power is that strong: love.....
Fear impels us to survive, and love enables us to thrive."
Now...I know my climbing a stupid rope has very little to do with real, running into burning buildings, kinds of courage... but I am struck by the choice of love over fear. I do believe it is a choice...I have seen this in the last 9 months or so in bright~shining ways. Honestly, I have never felt so much love in my life...and so much of this had to do with letting go of old, cobweb laden fears about not being enough. Suddenly, my life is filled with the sorts of people who celebrate themselves in an honest way and I am celebrated and lifted up by them. I also see things in old friends that I never knew were there...and love them~in a new way.
I wonder sometimes if we are even really able to *feel* someone loving us or if what I am experiencing is my love for them...perhaps that is why we are always told, you cannot really love someone~until you love yourself.