So, I set up a second meeting for the Zia Ladies to check up on our 2013 goals. I think it got lost in the soon to be summer shuffle and well...I was not super surprised when no one showed up. I ended up having a burger and a glass of wine on the "patio" of Capitol Bar & Grill. Frankly...it was kinda nice...just as I was finishing up, Kori came by...It was great to sit and chat. We had never done that before...she told me a story which I think I really really needed to hear and as silly as this sounds, I think it was the reason no one else showed up on Friday.
The gist of things, Kori asked me if I was afraid of being successful, of being good at something, afraid of the pressure I think other people are placing on me..since there is not anything actualy wrong with the structure of my heart....
Yeah I know...this has been suggested before and I kinda hate that I may be the one bringing some of this on myself...
I spent most of the next day cleaning out the spaces around me...clearing clutter making room..not sure for what...but there it is.
Then I saw Paul on Monday...Y'all know how I was feeling about this...I get nervous when I see him...especially when I am feeling fragile...He was great actually. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "Today is NOT the day to tough it out or to push through the pain. You have to tell me exactly what you are feeling good or bad."
He made some other interesting observations as well....the pain tied to the heart stuff...and this one blew my head apart...my Brachial nerve complex and veins and such...they were all pinched and tied up and down and not working right which made my neck over compensate...He really felt like the heart crap...well...is my body responding to being in pain. It's only gonna take so much before something gives....and my heart racing is a reflection of not only emotional stress but also the physical stress of this messy system of mine.
It will never be "fixed" but I can manage it better....honestly..I am seeing him AGAIN this week and again next week before I leave for Utah.
I wonder why I still wait until I am falling apart before I ask for help.
The other really funny thing he said to me....Some of these issues are because you decided on an unbalance system to become an athlete...some of your systems are over firing, some under firing...we need to get them ALL firing and find the new athletic balance.
Then he makes me look him right in the eyes...and says, "I just want to make sure you understand, you throwing and training...did NOT cause any of this pain."
Take this in...he says...keep training while we work on this Brachial mess, just stop if your body tells you too. You hardly training, but not in pain is better than training hard, but being in pain.
See...it really is all Greek to me until Paul puts it into simple terms...
Something about the conversation with Kori and the work with Paul are related to me...but I am just not smart enough to be able to put it to words.
I am going back to they gym today...new space for Zia...see if I can lift with less pain and perhaps even try to get the freaking WOD in with out being afraid....