So, some of you know I had a little incident on Saturday night....it was just another little addition to the migraines and the asthma attacks I had recently....just much scarier.
We had a great opening...I stayed out a little too long and drank a little too much. I had a super lazy day Saturday...met with Ness about a play proposal. As soon as I got up from the table, I felt this rush...almost nausea, almost light headed, filled with panic. So...I took a deep breath...my heart beat was so strong and so fast, I could feel it in my neck...and pounding against my chest.
I don't really wanna go into all of the details, mainly because its boring...and I don't remember all of it. I spent some time on my floor, trying to catch my breath...trying to control my breathing. At one point though...I went in my room to lay down and I said out loud...I am not ready to die today. I thought I might die.
After about a half an hour, I looked at Pierre and said how long can this go on before it's a problem. He had not really even noticed how panicked I was until this point. He kinda laughed me off and offered to take my pulse.
It was over 150.
He took it again...over 150.
I said....can we please go now....
The ride to the hospital must have been relaxing, because I think the pulse came down to some where in the 140's...they ushered me in quickly...I was flushed, sweaty, cold, and a little panicked still. Came down again..who know a hospital could have a calming effect?
The crux? The doc doesn't know....all my cardiac enzymes are fine, EKG was normal~only fast, no markers for a blood clot, wasn't dehydrated, my blood sugar was fine...
So...stress.....and maybe caffeine? I also had a huge chocolate bar about an hour before...so....since I don't really eat sugar anymore...perhaps?
Since? I am freaking tired...and frankly, jittery. Every little weird thing I feel or pulse that goes a little fast or little pain in my chest or arm....I over react. Or maybe just react...I don't know.
I feel kinda stupid too....I really thought I was managing everything just fine....I love all of the different challenges I have taken on...so I sorta don't get it.
Best thing I did yesterday? I went to the gym....yeah...I know I can hear you guys now, "Mona Rest...." But listen....I just lifted light....and threw a little sheaf. You know what happened? My heart rate went up...and I could feel it come back down.
That felt good.
I was wiped out a couple hours later...I am hoping today will be better....I woke up feeling ok...but I seem to easily slide into a mild worry.
I am supposed to go to San Antonio this weekend...I am sure I will...but I have my panties all in a twist about being able to throw at all....I know everyone is saying to me...see this as a signal from my body that I need to rest. I'm not sure about that...I think there are some other changes I need to be bold about first.
I am just not sure I am ready...or have the courage.