Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Well, that was weird.

So, some of you know I had a little incident on Saturday was  just another little addition to the migraines and the asthma attacks I had recently....just much scarier.

We had a great opening...I stayed out a little too long and drank a little too much.  I had a super lazy day Saturday...met with Ness about a play proposal.  As soon as I got up from the table, I felt this rush...almost nausea, almost light headed, filled with panic.  So...I took a deep heart beat was so strong and so fast, I could feel it in my neck...and pounding against my chest.

I don't really wanna go into all of the details, mainly because its boring...and I don't remember all of it.  I spent some time on my floor, trying to catch my breath...trying to control my breathing. At one point though...I went in my room to lay down and I said out loud...I am not ready to die today.  I thought I might die.

After about a half an hour, I looked at Pierre and said how long can this go on before it's a problem.  He had not really even noticed how panicked I was until this point.  He kinda laughed me off and offered to take my pulse. 

It was over 150.

He took it again...over 150.

I said....can we please go now....

The ride to the hospital must have been relaxing, because I think the pulse came down to some where in the 140's...they ushered me in quickly...I was flushed, sweaty, cold, and a little panicked still.  Came down again..who know a hospital could have a calming effect?

The crux?  The doc doesn't know....all my cardiac enzymes are fine,  EKG was normal~only fast, no markers for a blood clot, wasn't dehydrated, my blood sugar was fine...

So...stress.....and maybe caffeine?  I also had a huge chocolate bar about an hour I don't really eat sugar anymore...perhaps?

Since?  I am freaking tired...and frankly, jittery.  Every little weird thing I feel or pulse that goes a little fast or little pain in my chest or arm....I over react.  Or maybe just react...I don't know.

I feel kinda stupid too....I really thought I was managing everything just fine....I love all of the different challenges I have taken I sorta don't get it.

Best thing I did yesterday?  I went to the gym....yeah...I know I can hear you guys now, "Mona Rest...."  But listen....I just lifted light....and threw a little sheaf.  You know what happened?  My heart rate went up...and I could feel it come back down.

That felt good.

I was wiped out a couple hours later...I am hoping today will be better....I woke up feeling ok...but I seem to easily slide into a mild worry.

I am supposed to go to San Antonio this weekend...I am sure I will...but I have my panties all in a twist about being able to throw at all....I know everyone is saying to me...see this as a signal from my body that I need to rest.  I'm not sure about that...I think there are some other changes I need to be bold about first.

I am just not sure I am ready...or have the courage.

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