Tuesday, April 9, 2013

More Weird

yeah well..the best laid plans...right?

I had another tachycardia event on Thursday night...woke me out of a sleep.  Sucked because I was supposed to leave for Texas at 6 am on Friday.  Had to call Lisa at 5AM to cancel the trip...then called my GP at 8 to see if I could get in right away.  Thankfully I got in at 3.  I love my GP...

The ER doc said my EKG was fine but Dr. Musgrave saw something on there she didn't like....some sort of a sweeping rise instead of a straight up sort of thing.  So today I am going to a cardiologist.  Wheee..

I also got a bunch of blood tests...most negative...still waiting for the results on my adrenal gland. We also chatted about stress.  I am not thrilled with the idea that I cannot manage my stress...makes me feel weak or out of control some how.  But really...control is an illusion, right?

Every time I start to feel better...something knocks me back.  Yesterday I felt don't....Even the day I saw my doc, she said that I didn't look quite like myself. I feel slightly panicky today, flushed....and I am trying not to check my pulse and freak myself out.  I also just kinda feel sad......

The cool thing about my doc...she knows how I train. She told me to keep working out.  Even while we do this heart monitor...for a month. I just have to train at a 3....out of 10.  Whatever that means.

So I go to the gym yesterday...and I have back squats on my list for the day.  So I look at Sarah...and ask if I can ask her doctor~like opinion.

M: so if I work out at a "3" does that mean 30% of my one rep max?

S: will get mad if you do that.

M: It would mean my single would be at 100 pounds.

S: I say just do what you want...there are firefighters and paramedics and doctors all over the gym...just lift what you want, just don't over do it.

Well....I am walking on eggshells because everything feels like it has the potential to be over done....
I end the lifting at 245.
I laugh in the car on the way back to work  thinking that 245 is a light back squat.

I will miss games...I have canceled Vegas...I am not ready to cancel Iron Thistle yet....I will wait to see what the cardiologist says today....and training will not be what I had hoped.

Although last I was falling asleep...I imagined my hammer throws...lots of visualized workouts for me...which I know can be a helpful tool.  I guess I am putting this out there for people to read because I go back and forth about giving up...and I know I am gonna need people to tell me to do what I can...that moving is enough...that it is ok that I don't do well at my big games in May.

Enough whining for ya?

Time to hit the gym today.....

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