Changing

By Ben Salas!

I have been thinking of change a bit lately...not just all of the little things, like college and new schools and new kilts and new gyms, but the big stuff too...."real" change.  Pierre said something to me recently about someone we know, "Well, people never really change do they?"  Now, I know I have said that as well, but is it true?  Even if we make a huge shift, say recovery from alcohol or drug use or, in  my case, recovery from lazy, sitting on the couch waiting to die...eating myself into an early grave....

Have I really changed? Is the core of myself really any different than it was before or is change all small change...have I just made nickle and dime strides without really shifting the core?

Isn't the attention to this new athletic life, the exact same thing I sought out when I first found theater?  Am I still just chasing a community?  Haven't I been doing that since the day I was born?
I like to think that I have changed....without losing those things about myself that are good, or that I perceive as good....If I am super duper honest...I felt the same sort of competitive itchiness when I used to audition.  So really, that isn't new.

Perhaps, it is to hard to look through a mirror to see what has changed...perhaps as I look at the people who are a part of my life...I will be able to see who it is who wants to spend time with me...perhaps they are a more accurate reflection of who I am, of how I have changed, or not.