I am back to rehab workouts. YEAH! I'm so happy.
It's wasn't a magical pinched nerve...I've torn some shit up in my shoulder.
Well, I am trying to be happy. I am trying to think about the fact that at least I am working out hard enough and often enough to hurt myself. Yeah, I know that sounds weird...but I could still be sitting on the couch...right? Right?
Well...I did a lot of that this weekend, had too many cookies and drank too much wine. But I have to be done feeling sorry for myself.
Hard not to go to the place of "what did I do to myself" "why did I fuck up AGAIN"
Hell..I didn't start lifting til my mid forties, with no base from any sports in my youth. I pushed....Too hard. I'm still learning, I'll keep learning, I'll make mistakes.
Right now I don't feel like pushing anything, I suspect I should have never given anything in sports a try. But I also know how stupid and filled with self pity that sounds...and yuck. So, no, I won't be working on lifting in prep for my first powerlifitng meet and I won't be posting throwing practice work either. I'll be trying to do the work to rehab this torn shoulder....I'm working with Paul and Jennifer and my doc to avoid surgery....And I will be walking...and trying to lay off the cookies....and trying not to lose all my strength...and cookies.
I can't even joke about Zumba or Yoga 'cause I can't get my arm above my head, nor put pressure on it without pain.
The hardest thing so far was to contact Steve and tell him I can't go to Pleasanton.
I love that game....I even went last year..WAY too soon after heart surgery.
It's been a rough year for me and my body and throwing....I've had to put it on the back burner for a couple of reasons....hurting my shoulder makes me feel like I'll never get back to it. And really? There is no way to tell what will happen. I know it came into my life just as I needed it...and as someone who loves me pointed out; it probably saved my life too. But it was completely unexpected.
All I know is if I can get stronger than I ever was AFTER heart surgery...I can work on this shoulder too.
I do feel a bit sad and foggy and gross right now.
Gonna check in with BJ...maybe start working on a plan so I'm not such a Debbie Downer.