getting back out into the world and a couple of lifts.

It has been about 3 months since I moved into Faith's place.  Have I written before how grateful I am and how much I love the place?  I hope I have.  One of the things I have noticed is that the longer I am there, the more I am starting to venture back out into the world.  Back into the old places that I used to go.  For many months I was cocooned into my sisters cozy little place, then I branched out into another place...and it made me feel stronger and a little safer. Therapy probably has something to do with this as well. 

Going to theater has been the hardest thing for me to do. Used to be something that the ex and I did together, well the last few years I went by myself more and more, but still...I knew what would happen if I showed up at a play...it happens every where I go, the big smile and then the, "How's Pierre? what's he working on?"   I knew I could not face that and the first show I saw...3 people asked...and yea, I felt like a fish out of water.  It was not my thing anymore....people always preferred his company...blah blah blah...

So I tried again...and it happened again...but I wasn't alone this time....I have found a temporary "Theater Buddy," we are sorta in the same boat.....so until he moves on...I have a buddy.  wheeee! I miss seeing shows...seeing my community. The looks are hard sometimes, the perceived judgements are harder. But life moves one and I cannot lose this part of my life.


SO yesterday...

One rep for a push press....155!

I put 165 which would have been an actual PR on the bar, but I just could not pop it.  I have to admit...I was sorta happy.  Told BJ that perhaps I am not as broken as I believed. Well, I actually told BJ it was his fault that he was the one who kept telling me I was weak.  Thankfully BJ takes my crap in stride.

Then today...

dead lift.

355....It caught a little just past my knee, but I got it and well...It didn't feel super heavy.  It is close to my PR of 380 so I loaded the bar to 385.  First try?  nope, Will told me I was too far forward...not in my heals enough.  Second attempt? Got it off the floor but not past my knee.

so 355....but close on 385.

I'll take it.

maybe I am not as weak and broken as I keep telling myself....