losing my grip

I realized I am down to posting like a half a short crappy blog a week....I am working out I swear...but I am not working out like I was last year.  I am still annoyed by this and almost hate posting my lame workouts on this even lamer blog....

So today...I was so luck Sarah B decided to put pants on and get to the gym at noon with me.  Although she could show up with no pants and make me happy...

So the gist of my workout was back squats.

5x3
3x3

I went light and fast~ish today...135  165 185: 185 215 215

I did other stuff too....warmed up, grip work, foot work for the Weight for distance....but that was pretty much it....an hour.  I miss the days of the other lifting programs that BJ has had me on, but I also know I really couldn't do them right now....I am way to cautious about my stupid heart rate and it takes a lot of the fun out of being in the gym and lifting. Well...the fun is still there in the people around me...I am just not having fun in my body if that makes any sense...

Had a wicked heart racing event yesterday...in the middle of Target thank you very much.  I could almost feel it coming...I was trying to work on breathing and staying calm and blah blah blah...but when it hit, holy moly.  I almost fell down...but managed to hold on to the cart.  Managed to stay calmish...managed to bring it down or let go of the fear whatever it is that makes it stop, and I checked out and went home.  It gets to me though and I was annoyed and worn out for the rest of the day. 

Still feeling worn out today...still finding myself checking the pulse too..grrr...

That's why I went light today..the fear.  Shit, as I am writing this...I can tell my pulse is STILL a little high. But there is nothing wrong with the heart...well it feels both a little broken and a little filled to the brim, but that's a story for another time.

Had PT again last Thursday...he gave me more stretches to play with...many of them to release the pecs which he thinks is tied to the racing heart deal....might be...He's a crazy guy but I trust him...STILL waiting to see my primary doc again to talk about the heart stuff and menopause and stress and who knows what the hell else.

I told someone recently that I write so that I can feel better...so I guess I better keep at this to figure myself out...it doesn't really matter if I think anyone who reads this is sick of me and my heart...I just need to keep writing for me.

:)

 Tomorrow, I might write about the fight I almost got into at the 'topes game....