new mind games

I recently posted this quote from a new blog I am following..I also posted it on my fridge:

What we need to do is change the paradigm so that we value our bodies for all of the amazing things they let us do.  We need to expand our standards of beauty to recognize that beauty shows up in all kinds of bodies.  And we need to get over this idea that the most important purpose we serve on is to be beautiful for other people.  We have a right to have healthy bodies, to take up space, to have appetites, to cultivate our strengths in whatever form that may take.  Our time on this planet is precious and we will never, ever get it back, so let’s stop squandering it in pursuit of meaningless ideals we will most likely never attain anyway.  We deserve so much better than that.

For whatever mind foggy reasons I cannot remember who posted this...where I found it, but when this person posted it, they wrote "Train to perform and you'll look like you should."  I also have that on my fridge too.

Something about that little sentence has shifted my thinking about my body and about what I am eating in a significant way.  I have decided that "Eat to perform and you'll look(and feel) like you should," needs to be added to that list.  

I had fallen off my good food habits yet again....stress and pain being my two main excuses...EXCUSES I SAY!. but some how reading this blog... when-the-pursuits-of-skinny-and-strong-collide, and reading the sentence linked to it clicked for me...I actually SAY this to myself each time I am about to eat something. 

Dumb I know....years of bad brain programming that I STILL am controlled by...

Will this food,  or sitting on the couch, or this snack get me closer to my goals....will this make me perform....

Will this make me perform?

Wow....something clicked....I hope this is the final click, but I suppose that is a silly request.  I know I will probably be dealing with food issues and body image issues the rest of my little life.  But I can tell you this...I feel so much better this week...again...eating what will help me perform. Eating what controls inflammation. Eating for fuel not for comfort. 

Yeah...I took a rest day yesterday..I hurt myself in the gym on Wednesday....I was doing Back Squats...3 at the top of each minute for 10 minutes....supposed to be at 60% of your one rep max...I went a little lighter to work with the fabulous Marz...so, I was really working on the pop back up and on one of the reps...well, I really popped.  Guess what happend to the bar?  

Come on guess..

Yup...hit me right about C-7...popped and hit my neck.  Really?  yeah.....freaked me out a bit.  It swole (and not in a good way) and bruised....and I had trouble sleeping....AGAIN.  But this morning, the swelling is almost gone....and the bruise is not very bad at all....and I am not so freaked out.

I also spent some money on something I shouldn't have....I'll post a picture when the illicit purchase arrives....