Spotting

Having started working out in CrossFit gyms, I never really needed a spotter.  On back squats, if you failed, you just dumped it behind you.  Rubber plates. And at the first gym, there was NO bench pressing....After I moved to Praxis....I learned to bench and learned I needed a spotter.

But I am learning about the art of spotting more and more as I lift at IronSoul.  Ya can't really drop a bar full of iron like you can a bar full of....you know. I know I have written about this a little, but  I find it cool how much more I will attempt at a bench or a squat when some one is there...ready in case I fail. 

Even though I know I need help, especially on my bench, I am still super tentative at the gym.  I kinda look like this guy when I have loaded a bar and I just sorta stand there...

It's clearly my issue, because if someone needs to say no, it's totally cool, but no one has yet.  I mean, I look around and try to hit someone up while they are resting or...if they catch my eye...it's even better. 

"You need a spot?"

Yeah, what gave me away? My pleading eyes, that look of....jesus, where am I and where are my people?

I still feel dumb for needing a spot sometimes...especially when they say, "Well, that was easy..."  No, no....bench is never easy.  Seriously, I still worry about anything over 100....although, I am getting more confident.  I also go up in tiny increments...so....sigh. 

I'll get over it the more time I spend there and with James on this programing.

The spotting thing though made me think about other ways we spot one another...How my issues asking for help in other areas of my life are reflected in my difficulty in asking for a spot. 

I look around and know over these last few years, I have had a ton of spotters who showed up to spot even when I was just staring into those bright headlights. 

And I hope you know if you are needing a spot, that I'm keeping my eye out for you too.

Some rambling.

I keep telling myself I will write more often and then life keeps pushing on.  Then I get to a day like today and I have like 15 things I want to talk about, so it all comes out in a jumbled mess. Single gooey messy sentences.

Training:  I've been training.

Ok kidding.  Well I HAVE been.  Last week was rough. I have gotten a bunch of sorta bad news about my health and I am trying to sort through how to deal with it all...tackle it.

Then I go for a follow up with the doc today and she's not even that worried about the things I was worried about, she's concerned that I have reduced kidney function.

Great add that to the list.

I am still waiting on an MRI for my neck...talk about an insurance company/health care crap show.

Here is a tip if you live in Santa Fe, go to ABQ for an MRI...they are about 1500 dollars cheaper down there....

I have been lonely and frustrated in the gym.  I know, I am a HUGE baby....waaaaa..... Monday was terrible last week....I walked in cranky (about the MRI and the cracked damn tooth) and I walked out cranky with myself because I did stupid shit.  I made these big dumb jumps in weight and then was shocked, I say shocked I couldn't handle it.

😆

My pity party game was strong that day.

I have thrown the 28 a couple of times since I wrote last.  It isn't nearly as bad as I had feared. I mean, it doesn't go very far...like 32 feet for the WFD and I think I cleared 13 on the WOB yesterday...but I didn't feel like death after.

I am still gaining weight too..it's...annoying.  But, I also have put an inch on my bicep measurement....so....I don't know.  I had this thought after all these tests and problems that I suddenly feel like I have been focusing on the wrong things.

I don't know when in this journey since 2010 that I decided I would focus on "strong" and I let go of CrossFit.  Not that I could or want to go back to CrossFit...but there is or was this singular focus on strong.  I mean, even when I was hardly working out...I could still act like I was doing SOMETHING. Yes, it was always one of my "strong points" when I started working out, but.....I dunno.  I am just bummed about my blood work and my neck and....yeah.  (I warned you I was about to ramble, read at your own risk)  Maybe though, I should have focused just on all my numbers...my health....being at a healthier weight...Maybe this whole drive to try to be an athlete after 40+ years on the couch sent me down a funky path.....Blah Blah, and boo-hoo...

Well, what's the take away here... got me...you got any ideas, cause I am freaking out of them. My doc is taking a wait and see thing....I have to "push water" this month, and try some herbal crap and we will retest my kidneys in a month, my other blood work in 3 - 6 months. Although she did say, given my family trait of high cholesterol, not much will help; she just wants to see if we can boost the good stuff.

 I had wanted to pull some of the irons out of my fire, but I am not really doing it...I seem to be adding to my lists.

There is something I am both terrified and almost excited about though..that writing project I have told you about is taking a tentative step forward.  At the behest of a friend...I am being forced (kidding) into having a reading.  Sorta as way to see what we have, if this is something to keep working on, or if it was a good thing to do just for me.  I am so grateful for the work I have done with Rod...and I look forward to working on prepping this for the reading at the end of the month too.  Not sure what we will do to prep, but I can't believe I have writing anything in the first place, much less showing it to Rod, much less working on it, or reading to for a small group....(seriously 5-6 people).

Ok, there weren't 15 things to chat about, but it did ramble nicely.....

Believe them...when you should.

And this is one of those times.

I remember a lesson I learned way back in 2005....when someone compliments you. Take it.  When you say to that person, "oh no I'm not..blah blah, blah....you are actually telling them that they are liars."

Thanks Eric!

So, why do I bring this up you ask?  I go an invite to a game last week.  When it came in, all I could think was...well, I'm not up for that. I am not good enough. I am not on that level. I can't. I can't I can't. Waaaa  Waaaa Waaa.....

I have been in this position before...women's worlds in Phoenix....and yes, I got my ass handed to me, but who the heck cares....I got invited. The AD said to me, no you earned this.

So why when this particular invite came in; why did I go straight to the same voices?

Well, for one..I am older...so I forgot?  No...I am just older and I haven't thrown a 28 in like 4 years. And honestly...I know this AD well...and, sigh, I thought it was a pity invite.

Invite the local old lady.....

um....

No.

I essentially called my friend Chad  liar...

He is a stand up fucking guy, I mean have you met him?  Too bad for you if you haven't.

But seriously...if he invited me...he invited me.

Sorry Chad....  😄  I'll try not to be such a jerk again.

Will I bring up the rear? Fuck yes?  Do I care? No!

It's exciting to throw with women like this...I JUST freakin' wrote about this, and now look at me, the local little old lady getting to throw with the Women's IHGF for the caber Championship in Albuquerque.  Getting to surround myself with a bunch of AMAZING athletes....

Wheeee!!!

I am warning ya though...I may be complaining about the 28 while I am training for this, why? Because I can and I think it's funny that 7 pounds makes such a difference.

Weakest Link

So I am starting my third week of this new programing....I am still sore...

But that's not my issue at the moment.

I had a fantastic ego check yesterday at the gym.  It was super busy when I got there...lots of folks, all the dead lift platforms were taken, so I warmed up a bit and looked around.  Like really looked around.

I haven't been the friendliest of bitches since I had to accept the closing of my gym.  I do what it seemed to me "everyone" was doing at the gym.  Put my head phones on and put my head down and shut up and lift.

But.

I saw something different yesterday.

I saw lots of little groups..people moving from platform to the rack to check in or spot or slap someone playfully.  I saw people laying on the fake grass and stretching together.  I saw a trainer tease a guy for nearly knocking him down with a sled...

I saw a community.

I'm not part of it, but it is there.

The other thing I saw, really saw the last few times at the gym?  Ha...I saw me.

See, the 2 gyms I have "belonged" to since 2010, I had grown accustomed to being the joker, the slow one, the older one, but the strong one as well.  I think I liked that little badge I wore.

Lemme tell ya....

At Iron Soul?  I'm the weak one, the inexperienced, the newbie....

Ahhhhh, I have lost that little piece I carried...The "I'm not cute, or fast or agile, but I'm the 'strong woman lifting in the corner' at the gym."  A nifty little label I made for myself.

And it's good. Good to shed that shit. Good to be the weak one.

It's a damn good thing to lose that label.  I look at the women at this gym and I am excited to be around so many who are so skilled, so much stronger than I. When I was an actor (like 100 years ago) and when I am on the field...I want to be surrounded by people who are better, more skilled, more experienced....selfishly?  yes...that's how I get better.  But it also strips me down of labels I place on myself that are useless, ego driven, that keep me stuck.

I'm not needing to compete with anyone; I don't need to be the strongest, it isn't about that...but I see all these women and I think....be better.

Be better, for me.

first week

Well.

Week one/

No. Not some New Years thing...week one with some new programming.

Ultimately, the actual moves were not very different.  I mean, there were a few things that I haven't really done before. Some basic things, like lat pull downs and seated chest row things.  Like I said, basic, but coming from the two gyms I came from; not a surprise. 

This week as easier in terms of planning as I had Monday and Tuesday off.  I am still not sure when I am going to workout in a regular way. This week I left work in Santa Fe and drove straight to the gym in Albuquerque.  That may work, not all the time....but I will try it for a while.  I know there will be times; auditions, late appointments, appointments for Emery that will keep me from it.  But, James had asked me how often I thought I needed to workout.

I know that my body deals with 4 days of lifting....So that's what he gave me..this also means, that if I miss a day, I have flexibility to make it up.

As I think about trying to get to the gym, in Albuquerque from Rio Rancho, the drive to Santa Fe for work early in the morning...I just get...ehhhhhh....

So...

Here I go.  When I opened that program, I thought, well this isn't very much, it won't take that long.  But the work, working up to the working set...that takes a lot of time.  And...well, I am old..I rest in between...

The odd thing about the first week for me was that the workouts were not all that different from what I was doing, I mean you know...squat, bench, dead, overhead something or another.  Then accessory work.  But...there is a different way of approaching these workouts.  I have been using super sets...James sent me a video outlining how he wanted me to do the accessory work.  They are not to be done in super sets,  I am to do sets until I get to a point when I might not finish the set and THAT will be my working set.  That I need to push these to possible failure.

Hmmm.

That changes things.  I am used to holding back, to gauging what I need to do to get to the next move. It was very interesting to push everything to the edge of my capabilities.  I mean, I believe there is a place for the super set..but this has been enlightening.  Interesting to learn about myself. 

How much do I hold back for the "maybe" for the "I might need this later."

I am super sore...and looking forward to next week.