I had a moment last Sunday....maybe Monday at this point, I'm not sure....
Yup....I've been "faking it til I make it" so freaking long there is no longer "I'll make" it as part of the equation.
But, this cat dressed as a lion is cute.
Ok what am I whining about now you may ask....What I realized is this...I am not taking care of myself....not at all...I workout (well not recently)....but other than that. Um. No.
I'm a big fat liar.
It was good to know.
It is.....I had this moment of clarity....I am still treating myself like I am not worth very much...Just for me...I still split my body from my self and chop up my body in small pieces to loathe.
Still.
Asshole liar....that's a lie...I am all of me....and this body that I fight against? It does EXACTLY what I ask it to do...I ask it for protection...to hide my fear, my anxiety, did I mention fear and worthlessness.....It also does (I also do) some pretty cool shit.
So, in the middle of that sleepless night....and now...I am catching myself...thanking myself....and really trying to care for myself.
I know that as I approach my 49th birthday, I am fucking late to this party...but I think, I hope I am actually ready to do this.
You guys rock for putting up with my crap.....and so does this aching body....
I have no idea what is next...maybe this guy can give me a clue.
yep. pretty much. I'm with you sister. I can sit here and type away a good plan, but I still have to DO. The best I've come up with lately is "don't make it worse". Still working on the better part. The one thing I have started with is be kind to yourself. Stop calling yourself names you wouldn't allow a stranger to call your friends. Take care of you!!
ReplyDeleteI love the "don't make it worse" I laughed...then a huge sigh. I hear you lady...
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