Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Doesn't really matter, does it?

It does and it doesn't....

Part of that revelation shit I wrote about yesterday was part of a lesson I got from my youngest son the other day...He has really been going through some challenging growth the last year.  He is brave and strong, powerful and more clear about who he is than I have ever been. 

We were chatting about a difficult issue and I asked him if he was going to bring something up with the therapist, he basically said no, that doesn't matter anymore...what matters is now.

yeah...see that is the piece....somewhere along the way I have done all sorts of work about HOW and WHY I got where I am...and I do believe some of that work really does matter...but then, just like in many other things, (acting and sports) you gotta let the work go and just be present. 

With all the shit we go through, the only thing that is the same is that *I* was there. So how do *I* choose to deal with this right now, in this moment....that's what really counts.  There are reasons and things that happen to us that we would never, ever, ever choose, but they happen, they shape who we are....then we sometimes, if we are lucky, get to choose to move on....we may move with a limp or a broken heart, but we move.  And if we are really lucky and present, we realize there are people along the way that keep holding out their hand....offering tissue, a joke, a hug, a crutch...and it is our choice to push them off or take the help...that's my piece...  I am there...what choice do I make?

I have always been stellar at letting other people off the hook so to speak...I forgive, I move on, I see the whys of what someone has done....but I have never given myself the same...that's part of why I am not as clear as Emery is about who I am...

It is all about the same tangle somehow...and I could spend some time trying to untangle this in my tiny brain, but I don't think I will this time.  It just is...and I will take care of myself~and that boy~and leave it there....

I still think this one is funny...

No comments:

Post a Comment