Tuesday, December 17, 2013

It happened.

No...I didn't wet my pants....

I did though, get the giggles in the gym yesterday...bad.

Back Squats 3 every minute x 10 @ 75% of 1RM
3 rounds for time:
100 Double Unders (or 300 singles)
15 Burpees
There was a penalty for missing a jump as well...You miss a jump you get an extra burpee at the end of the workout.  It was supposed to be for every three misses....I was keeping track but some how I messed it up anyway because I forgot it was for every three. Like I really needed more burpees.

Ok Back Squats... I went light.  Wimped out again...I did 185. I know, I know I should have been at about 225 but I was not feeling it.  I shall use the female "oh crap I got that early" as my excuse. I got to lift with Hersh...which was awesome...We got through the 10 minutes hopefully looking just as good if not better than the first rep.

Then the workout.  We had no penalty if we chose to stop jumping, but if you stepped on the rope...well, you had to really be accountable to your work on this.  I can usually get about 100 in a row...came close the first set...oh, I had to do 300 singles, since I can't double under. I then shot for sets of 50. So, what set me off?  Let's see....on the first round I got to 298....yes....298 and I stepped on the rope.  I have no idea why but I freaking lost it.  I had a hard time getting the last 2 jumps in because I could not stop laughing. 

After the burpees...dang my ankles hurt and my calves were on fire....I kept breaking things into smaller and smaller sets...and well, I kept laughing at all of this. At how slow I was, at how often I would jump 2 or 3 times then trip up, at having to stop and shake out my legs.  It was a great counter point to what had happened in the gym on Friday night.

Front Squats 3×5 (same weight)  155
Weighted Chinups 7×1 (increasing) I went down on band widths.
Tabata Deadlifts @ 80% of 1RM (245 not 80% but I was more focused on form and not hurting my back)
total reps for all 8 rounds

After having written about not finding release in lifting or working out~I had something hit me hard on Friday during the Front squats.  I don't mean getting a little teary or having to take a deep breath to regroup. I lost it.  Like uncontrollable....dare I say? Weeping at the bar. I still got all my rounds in, but damn...something shook loose and I can't have that happen like that again. Not there...not like that. I felt lost and then so embarrassed and yet...I didn't stop.

Oh well....Neither Will or BJ kicked me out of the gym so I know I am still welcome. 

Gonna miss today....sigh, but I am seeing Paul, so there is that.

On a side note~the boy and I went to a production of A Christmas Carol.  Something struck me this time watching Scrooge and the ghosts, perhaps because I was watching it live, perhaps because of all the change floating around my life...both the things I am claiming to want to change and the promise of change.  So often, this transformation for Scrooge just doesn't fly for me.  I mean, I love the movies and the story anyway, but I just don't buy it.  It is too sudden~too complete~too perfect.  My friend Rod said to me, if you had 3 ghosts visit you....  I still think there would be a short term change and then he would slide back into old habits... oh there it is~it isn't a change in habits that I see portrayed on film or on the stage~we are asked to believe that the CORE of who Scrooge is changes.  

That's what I fight against...that's what doesn't ring true to me.  

I am not saying people cannot change, but what is it that we change?  Habits that hurt us....behavior that no longer works. Which is Super Duper important...I get that, I really do. I talk about how much I have changed over the last 3+ years...but I just told an old friend yesterday...I am still me through all of this.  I love life~prefer to see the good in people~I am a goof ball.  You know at the core..(I am an ass)... Becoming an athlete, learning to respect myself, all the other things I have changed....did not change my core....

~can we really change our leopard spots into tiger stripes?

and would I really want to?

1 comment:

  1. I'm really enjoying reading about all the increases in CF your making, and I'm super impressed that your healing and growing in all the other areas of your life too.