Tuesday, October 22, 2013


Headed to Texas this weekend.  A team challenge.  I have never done one of those.  I have some epic throwers on the team too....Beth Burton, Terri Ventress, Shannon Hamlyn-Burton, Teresa Nystrom, and a young thrower named Cathrine who isn't on I can't stalk her.

Y'all know I had lofty season goals...and I hope that I throw well this weekend.  The shoulder is healing up.  In fact, I was able to do some strict presses yesterday.  Light, but was uncomfortable, but it didn't hurt.

Aside from being excited to throw on my team, I also get to be on the field with Brittany, Heather, Keli, Tammy, Bethany, Denise, Tomasina, Stephanie, and other women I have yet to meet.  The best part though? Vivi is my travel companion for these games.

I have this tiny spark inside me that feels like I may never come back.  You know, I may look at that gas tank and simply keep driving or stay put.  Although....sorry to my Texas ladies who read IS Texas, so I won't actually stay.  It doesn't change anything or fix crap, but it sort feels like it know to just run from what happened last week.~from broken glass, broken doors, broken knuckles, broken family, broken hearts, guns and cops and sirens and tears.  Not that it would be a huge loss to the state of New Mexico or the city of Santa Fe if I did stay in Texas, but life goes on and I will come home.  I thought for a bit that I shouldn't go to these last two competitions.  Hell, I am basically homeless at this point, what business do I have traveling or competing or god forbid, enjoying myself at all right now?

Hmmm...well, what did I say just now?  Life goes on, it moves forward and I can either stay still and rot or I can keep moving along....keep moving forward....keep doing the things that make me feel grounded especially while everything else around spun out of my control.  So, Vivi and I are going to Texas, we go to work and school, we even go to the gym.  

Goals for these games?  Find my feet,  remember I can be grounded, enjoy these crazy strong women around me (which includes my Vivi). Then I'll come home and take more steps....

Gym yesterday? why yes...I did.

I don't have a "program" right now....oh my god I I did what was on the freaking white board.

3x5 Back squats at 75% of 1RM
3x5 Presses  at 75% of 1RM

then a 7 minute AMRAP  (what the hell is that again?)
7 DB Cleans
7 Burpees
7 Push ups.

I thought, what the hell, it is mostly strength stuff.  I also know how bad my conditioning has become ever since the heart crap.  Vivi was lifting so I was too early for a class...I did the lifting.  BS at 230 & presses at 65. Yeah I know those presses are light, but the shoulder...ahhhh. 

Then...excuse me while I have a prideful moment here...I didn't just walk away.  As they were setting up for the class and as Vivi was asking if we could leave...I set my crap up and set a timer.  I actually did the work out.  All alone...slow as shit...and god help me I can't do a push up any more...but I did it...ticked away at those 7 minutes and those stupid burpees.

When I was done...I worried a bit about the heart, but I let it I lay on the floor all I could think of was how in those 7 minutes I wasn't afraid.  In those 7 minutes I wasn't bruised.   In those 7 minutes I wasn't worried about how to move forward.

I just moved. 

I said to BJ as I was leaving the gym, "Heavy athletes shouldn't do burpees."

"Yes they should," He said.

"I know, that's why I did them...."

He just gave me a crooked smile and went back to class.  

As for the gym today~~

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