Cheerleader

The last 2 weeks have been tough in the gym.

Last week was 6 sets of 3 at 85% of my 3 rep max...dead bench and squat.

This week was 4 sets of 3 at 90% of my three rep max...dead bench and squat.

That was 295 and 310 on deads, 115 and 120 on bench, and 255 and 270 on back squat.

I know the bench numbers are well.....Mona bench numbers, but I was happy with it, well; "Mona happy"...haha...you know, I feel weak and old and lame happy.  I know I shouldn't do that to myself, but honestly at 51...I don't see it changing much anymore.  I do, however, no longer berate myself for what I "used to" throw or lift.

I may wish I was stronger, but for the work I put in; for my minor physical limitations; for what I can do; I am doing it; and well....I am strong.

Anyhoooooo....

One of the things I am working on, as you know, is working out alone.

I hate it.

I miss my Praxis folks...honestly...I got used to having a set of eyes on me.  That's just not the case anymore and it's an adjustment.  I found myself last Monday during the last 2 sets of deads, wishing I had someone there to make me finish.  It would be so easy to not do the last 2 sets...they hurt, I felt shitty, I was slow, I wanted done....I wanted someone to say no.  To say you can do this, to say I believe you are stronger than you think, to remind me to fix my shoulders, to remind me to breathe right, to say yes when I say no.

Honestly, I almost walked away on set 5...whining strongly in my head. Missing what is gone.  Being a big fat lonely baby.

Then I listened to what I was wishing for...I asked myself "why are you doing these deads Mona,"  To have a better WOB and Sheaf....Then remember that....

I told myself to drive my feet into the platform....to correct my hips, to breathe correctly, to fix my shoulders....to say yes to myself instead of no.

I got them done and no one saw it.

I got them done just for me.

And you know what, I lived.  Breathing like a fat kid chasing a piece of cake, but breathing.  The following week...this week, was much easier.  That longing for a group, for eyes had faded and I just did the stupid lifts.

I tried to video....and that was a mess, my stand has lost its strength so during the lift it slowly recorded the ceiling...ha!

I have to take a bit of a break from throwing to deal with a minor medical issue, but I am gonna lift until my body tells me I can't.  I will be back. Hopefully it's a short break, but just like a gym closing, there are things your body does that you have no control over.

So, I will just breathe and remind myself that it IS ok to just do this for me.  And I'll drive my feet into the ground for support.