Three months ago today, I was strapped to a table. A tiny piece of my brain thought I could die. It's true...I could have, it is rare, but you know...it was my heart.
So...how comes recovery Malec?
I can say, both faster and slower than I thought...I can't really remember what I imagined it would be...that I'd wake up on the 14th day after surgery and feel fantastic? Jump right back into the training I left behind in March. Maybe. You know fantasy worlds have a strong pull. When I get frustrated, which I am....I remember that it hasn't really been 3 months. I basically stopped working out the day I went to the ER. So, really it's been 6 months since I could train...train to the point where I could complain about how hard and wonderful everything is in this blog.
I miss setting goals...I miss throwing.
As for recovery, two of the hardest things have been...Loss of drive....and the surprising amount of pain that throwing causes me. I think the pain, leads to more loss of drive and then I just wanna eat sushi or cookies or popcorn or.....yeah.
I had a nasty knot in my right groin for what seemed like way too long...makes caber and sheaf and especially hammers painful to throw. I had chest pain for a long time too...especially when I push things physically....happened a bunch when I tried to throw at the game in Snowmass. Still happens.
Makes me feel like a big baby, especially remembering the doctor saying...oh you'll get back to your normal life in a few days. Maybe the problem is the word "normal." I mean, my life is normal for me...but perhaps it isn't all that normal.
I have been surprised by a few things, while my squat is still under 300, which makes me feel sad...
The row last week was kinda cool...and I can do stuff around the yard without thinking much about getting winded. I may have mentioned this before, but now that I have had this surgery; I realize that the SVT was happening much more often than I thought. Like a couple times a week....they were minor...but it was happening all the time. Makes me wonder if some of my "exercise induced asthma" was actually my freaking heart.
I have a game this weekend....I really love this game, these women, this place, but I am feeling...odd. I mean, how do I set goals for this game? I always post last years numbers...but UGH...hahahaha ...Not sure I should have number goals for this game at all.
The one goal that I have thought about for Pleasanton is to throw cleanly...focus just on form, not on distances. I hardly throw at all right now...and when I do...it is slow. So...focus on the foot work...focus on learning from these ladies...'cause the masters group is pretty sweet.
This is a two day game...I gotta allow myself to sit some of it out if I need to. There is plenty of time for me to push myself and I know that I am not ready yet.
Or maybe I am just a big weenie....and you know if I am right now...then so be it.
Ok...just for consistancy sake...
HWFD 38'10" (I remember I scratched twice on this event!)
Giggle..some of those numbers are nice and once I decide to really get back to work on this, perhaps I will come close to them again.
Stones are hard to compare game to game and the stones at Pleasanton are heavy... I can see what causes pain...WOB and Hammer.
So...as a thrower I know said to me once, "Gotta find your starting point." I love that Allison...I have since the moment you said it to me. So, I am finding my starting point. I know what I have done these last 6 months and what I haven't done. Even though it is easy to bemoan where I "was" and not being there anymore...I cannot bitch about results I don't get from training I didn't do! More importantly...I am back in the gym, less, but I'll likely change that over time. I haven't given up yet. My heart hasn't given up yet....
And I still dream of the 90 foot light hammer...maybe I can do it before I turn 50...if I can stop being such a weenie...
mmmm weenies....I think I need a hot dog.