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Three months ago today, I was strapped to a table.  A tiny piece of my brain thought I could die. It's true...I could have, it is rare, but you know...it was my heart.

Ugh....

So...how comes recovery Malec?

I can say, both faster and slower than I thought...I can't really remember what I imagined it would be...that I'd wake up on the 14th day after surgery and feel fantastic?  Jump right back into the training I left behind in March.  Maybe.  You know fantasy worlds have a strong pull.  When I get frustrated, which I am....I remember that it hasn't really been 3 months.  I basically stopped working out the day I went to the ER. So, really it's been 6 months since I could train...train to the point where I could complain about how hard and wonderful everything is in this blog.

I miss setting goals...I miss throwing.

As for recovery, two of the hardest things have been...Loss of drive....and the surprising amount of pain that throwing causes me.  I think the pain, leads to more loss of drive and then I just wanna eat sushi or cookies or popcorn or.....yeah.

I had a nasty knot in my right groin for what seemed like way too long...makes caber and sheaf and especially hammers painful to throw.  I had chest pain for a long time too...especially when I push things physically....happened a bunch when I tried to throw at the game in Snowmass.  Still happens.

Makes me feel like a big baby, especially remembering the doctor saying...oh you'll get back to your normal life in a few days.  Maybe the problem is the word "normal." I mean, my life is normal for me...but perhaps it isn't all that normal.

I have been surprised by a few things, while my squat is still under 300, which makes me feel sad...

With the programming BJ gave me to get started, my bench isn't all that far off my one rep max and I am happy with some other upper body numbers too....strict press isn't too bad...and been working a bunch of dumb bells over head that, at least I think are heavy.

The row last week was kinda cool...and I can do stuff around the yard without thinking much about getting winded.  I may have mentioned this before, but now that I have had this surgery; I realize that the SVT was happening much more often than I thought.  Like a couple times a week....they were minor...but it was happening all the time.  Makes me wonder if some of my "exercise induced asthma" was actually my freaking heart.

I have a game this weekend....I really love this game, these women, this place, but I am feeling...odd.  I mean, how do I set goals for this game?  I always post last years numbers...but UGH...hahahaha ...Not sure I should have number goals for this game at all.

The one goal that I have thought about for Pleasanton is to throw cleanly...focus just on form, not on distances. I hardly throw at all right now...and when I do...it is slow.  So...focus on the foot work...focus on learning from these ladies...'cause the masters group is pretty sweet.

This is a two day game...I gotta allow myself to sit some of it out if I need to.  There is plenty of time for me to push myself and I know that I am not ready yet.

Or maybe I am just a big weenie....and you know if I am right now...then so be it.

Ok...just for consistancy sake...

Pleasanton 2014:

Braemer  24'3"
Open       29'5.5"
HWFD    38'10" (I remember I scratched twice on this event!)
LWFD    63'9"
HH         70'4"
LH          84'7"
WOB      19'

Giggle..some of those numbers are nice and once I decide to really get back to work on this, perhaps I will come close to them again.

Snowmass 2015

Braemer  22'6""
Open       32'7.25"
HWFD   41'7.25"
LWFD    57'6"
LH          77'3.5
WOB      16'


Stones are hard to compare game to game and the stones at Pleasanton are heavy... I can see what causes pain...WOB and Hammer.

So...as a thrower I know said to me once, "Gotta find your starting point."  I love that Allison...I have since the moment you said it to me.  So, I am finding my starting point.  I know what I have done these last 6 months and what I haven't done. Even though it is easy to bemoan where I "was" and not being there anymore...I cannot bitch about results I don't get from training I didn't do!  More importantly...I am back in the gym, less, but I'll likely change that over time.  I haven't given up yet.  My heart hasn't given up yet....

And I still dream of the 90 foot light hammer...maybe I can do it before I turn 50...if I can stop being such a weenie...

mmmm  weenies....I think I need a hot dog.