Knowing when to stop.

Well, it has been two weeks since my surgery.

I keep thinking that it has been longer than that, it seems like I should feel more healed than I am.  Especially since I have no scar.  So so odd.

Heart is a little jumpy and I try to walk during the lunch time Zia class

Jumpy...but not FAST...The first few days I could feel the heart skip.  Jesus.

I'm a little bored with myself.

A little sad for multiple reasons.  Been dealing with old old old patterns from an old spot I thought I had freed myself from.  Not sure how I am still tethered to this energy, but it gets me...I let it get me and that pisses me off.

Anyway, perhaps this is all part of my process right now.  Forced to slow down and listen to my heart.

I joined another gym too...BJ has been a gem and has written me up some recovery programing.  All upper body stuff, all light since I am restricted. I went to this new place on Monday and did some bench work...It felt, odd.  I was a little over aware of the heart...but it wasn't jittery like it had been the last few months. I also stopped.

The lifting felt good.

I wanted more.

I knew I could do more, but I stopped.

Well Well Well...there is a lesson in there for me isn't there?

My legs ached a bit after this first recovery workout....legs.  It was all upper body!  I know, I know, but it wasn't terrible. Tuesday I was fine.  Worked out again this morning too.....

I really have been thrown by Zia being in transition, by this surgery too, I feel like I might never really "go back" and I might not.  Perhaps all of this was a way to fix my heart....

Oh...this gym?  Holy shit...I have joked a lot about being one of the old folks at Zia...here...oh my god.  We really are the old folks.

OLD

The guy who owns it seems pretty cool...it is just different. Very different.  Ugh I miss my nooner group!

I roped Grant into joining with me.  He knows just how shitty I feel right now about this and that I really don't like to workout alone and that I kinda don't wanna work out at all and that I really wish I could workout like I did before.

Sigh.

Oh well, it is all an adventure isn't it?