a day

Today at Zia:

Press 5×2  (I did 75)
then
4x
Yoke carry down @ 225/155  (I did 135)
5 Deadlifts @ 255/175  (I did 95)
Weighted Lunges back @ 45/25   (I did 20)


Did the whole thing too...  I've seen 3 doctors in the last week; a cardiologist (a funny guy), an electrophysiologist(didn't know that was a thing), and my Primary.

Both the heart guys had this to say about working out, "yea go back, do what ever you want, if you have another SVT event, just try to get it under control."  I guess it is because they see heart stuff all the time, that makes them so cavalier.  Since it is my heart, I am not so cavalier.  Perhaps I am too cautious. Even today, during the warm up, I stopped...I could feel it going hard...I had to remind myself, THAT IS WHAT IT IS SUPPOSED TO DO.  I came down.

My primary..she said...go as much as you can, but be easy with yourself.  It is ok to be scared...just try to keep moving.

Seems....like....yeah.  More my speed.

I do miss the heavy already...I do.  But....Even though I know it is a random thing this SVT .... I get all nervy in the gym....other times too....like when I am trying to go to sleep.

I really really really want to be in the gym as much as I can until I have my surgery...procedure...thinggy that will fix the broken heart.  I know I will be better off if I get as strong and healthy as I can.

In lots and lots of ways it was such a relief to discover there is a little thing wrong with how my heart fires off.  I had held myself in blame for a long time...

About stress; did I bring this on myself, about hormones should I be doing something different, About lifestyle choices both past and present; why don't I do more, be more, fix more. About lifting heavy; did the late start working out cause this?  That one was a really painful thought...that I really had done this to myself...trying to get healthy.  All that stuff flooded back about me somehow being the fuck up, being the problem that caused THIS problem.

The electrician said absolutely not.

This is something I was born with...a little glitch, a little extra electrical pathway that will randomly over stimulate the pumping of my heart.

So they will thread me with a couple of catheters, up my thighs...placing electrodes in my heart.  Then they will try to get the heart going.  The quicker that happens, the quicker they find the secondary pathway~and zap it.

It really is pretty cool...amazing what they can do.  I am trying to focus on the positive....there are risks of course....big ones too, but they seem so matter of fact about this procedure, and the outcome, that I am really trying to stay calm about it too. Oh did I mention I have to be AWAKE for this thing? I need to focus on what may happen after~Perhaps that little bit of fear that I have clinging to me as I work out or throw will be gone as well....what might THAT bring?

The electrician said that he could tell this is weighing on my mind....he said the procedure fixes that too.

We also talked recovery...it is an outpatient deal, which again, wacky and amazing.  But no heavy lifting, pulling, pushing, or twisting for at least a week. I look at Grant, then at the Doc~

M~can you define heavy lifting?

Doc~ um....huh?

M~I can dead lift almost 400  pounds.

Doc~oh...yeah....you will need more than a week then, maybe two or three.  But everything else is pretty fast.

I feel like he really heard me when I told him that this is not my life, but it is an important part of who I have become.  He looked me straight in the eye and said, we will do this and you can get back to everything you want to do. Everything.

I believe him.

SO...I will work on my body and I will work on my fear....'cause~~

June 2nd.

My kids will be there and my sister and some close friends and Grant of course.  All I am worried about now is that when they release me that this group may try to take me out for pizza and a beer...