Then, a few nights ago, I was organizing and cleaning some boxes from the last time I moved (yeah , I know) and I came across lots of really old photos of me in my late teens and early twenties.
Ok Yea, I know we were all young once, but really? Look at my arm in the above photo....I wish I could slap my 20 year old self because at this point in my life I really thought I was fat. No. No. No, not slap, she needs a hug, she needs compassion and love.
My body never bounced back after I had kids and I really did get fat...and soft....but I eventually found my way to Crossfit (bless you Rod Harrison) and then the games.
I am not kidding...This arm is what I was referring to with Brittany as "always have had HUGE arms." I have never liked to see myself in photos, in mirrors....Looking at this and looking at me now I wonder just how body dysmorphic I was....or am.
This is me now...
I wish I could have known at 22 that I actually feel better 80 pounds heavier. Yeah, I just typed that...In the earlier photos I wasn't even at my lightest, there was a point in Grad school that I got down to 140....and I STILL thought I was fat....I am chubby now, but I am working on the language stuff....and really, I prefer the photo below to the ones at the top of the blog. I don't really wanna look like that again, but I would like to be able to LOOK at myself...because honestly, I don't...not in photos, or in the mirror.