Monday, August 19, 2013

almost quit

Vivi really came close to digging in her heals about the weightlifting...the separation and the stress of Kegan leaving were her reasons...valid maybe....guilt enducing? um yes. 

I already feel like it's all my fault.

I managed to remember that I am the grown up here...and I dug in my heals harder.  Now, I don't think you force kids to do things past when they are interested, but this felt like a different kind of moment.  I needed her to not give up on herself...on her potential...Like I did.

Was mom gonna let me wallow? Was Mom gonna let me freeze this moment in time  so I can always say I don't do things because of XYZ. Was Mom gonna give in again....

Cause frankly, I do give in too alllllllll sorts of areas of my life.

The first day was suck~tacular....she was pissed at the gym...but she finally moved. 

Then friday...she just worked out....

Then this morning...the car got packed with her clothes, she was talking about getting to use the competition bar soon....and how her backpack was light because she was dead lifting last week.

Does it fix anything? no....I know this sucks for her....but I feel like I need to push her to she doesn't slide into life like I did, taking whatever comes her way.  I want her to do what I am learning to do now. Once I started to move...I pick things up and throw them away and hold freaking tight to the things I want. 

Why is this connected to movement, to lifting, to throwing? I don't know, but I bet Vivi will be able to tell me or show me in a few years....

1 comment:

  1. I think you did the right thing and are raising a person who will be emotionally capable of dealing, who has a sence of responsibility and commitment, and knows her Mommy loves her. You are doing a great job.