More magic?

So, I came home from Grrrl Live and my whole relationship with my body has been healed.

Wanna know how?

Wanna?

Well, the most important thing....it didn't.

HA.

Fuck, I didn't expect it to....I mean COME ON....that's not how it works.  There is again...

no magic pill

I'm kinda PollyAnna, that is well established, but I'm no dummy either.

I did though, hear some things I had not heard before...I will, if I try to explain too much, butcher the messages....cause, you know from my earlier blog...I am also not a court reporter.

I was listening to the opening speaker on Saturday, Stephanie, speak about being present in our lives...lots of us have issues with this, yes? Then she said something about when we hate our bodies, we are not being in the present.

We cannot hate ourselves and be in the present moment.

We are hating the past, the past meal, the past trauma that lead us here, or hating the moment that hasn't happened by saying things like; "I'll never change" or "I'll always be like this."

Hard to appreciate what our bodies can DO with that sort of baggage on it.

As she was speaking, I looked down at my lap...trying to keep myself in control, when I saw it.

My belly.

Hanging over onto my lap...I put my hand on my belly,  a belly that has carried two babies, a belly I won't let my hubby touch, a belly I have cursed at, a belly I have actually punched...and just thought to myself; you my belly, are evidence that I have tried to take care of myself.  I have protected myself and you my dear belly, are the evidence of the self care that I knew.

I showed up to GRRRL Live to try to walk through my own shit....and there I sat....me and my belly....within the first 5 minutes....walking through some shit.

No one is coming to save me....neither is anyone asking me to be someone I am not.

It is a good reminder that the people who believe in me have never asked me to be anything other than who I am.   Maybe they challenge me to be a better version of who I am...which frankly, is why they are in my life to begin with, right?

I have spent so much of the last 51 years trying to be something, someone else...but it causes nothing but pain.  So my big ole belly and I are just gonna be us....together....