Wednesday, June 22, 2016

down side

Was in the gym today...

Dead lift day.

BJ has me going back to the trusty 80%

Well...that just sucks now.

The downside of getting a new one rep max is the multiple lift percentage days.

I was supposed to lift at 325  5 sets of 3.   I saw stars after the first set.  HUGE was hard.  Really hard.

I got through 4 sets and went for the 5th....could not move the bar at all.

oh well....I have a new place to start.

Confession time.

I have gotten 2 pr's in two major lifts in the last month or so...but I don't think they are real.

Bear with me.

1.  They are never videoed or did they happen? Kidding...
2. Ok...fuck me, I am in this place again...but I need to say this out loud.  I only lifted that weight because I am fat and I have gained weight.  Yes...this is what I am currently telling myself.

Then I saw some amazing videos posted by girls who powerlift....all sorts of shapes and sizes lifting and working and getting shit done. Again, I would never ever say to someone else that they only lifted something because they were big...or wrapped in bacon or chubby or whatever..but there it is. I say it to myself.

My lifts aren't real because I am not good enough, by body isn't good enough, I just got lucky, this doesn't take skill when I do it..if it did, I could lift more.


I look like a middle aged woman who moves weight. And guess what? I fucking love it while I'm at it...squeezing my shoulders down, tightening that belt, feeling the bar press and the weight settle onti my back.  I really do.... So this is me right now and this is fine.

And I am strong(and not just for a girl or for an old woman)

Thanks for letting me vent....I know...I know.

Front squats tomorrow...


  1. Okay Missy. Look in the mirror and repeat: Fat does not lift heavy things. Muscle does. My lifts are real. I am setting PRs. I am powerful.

  2. What she said - Gretchen Yoder.

  3. I understand that thinking. I felt that was my entire life. I recently listened to a show on Pandora called "This American Life 589. Tell me I'm fat." I'm not exaggerating when I say it changed my life. After listening to that I've learned to love myself exactly as I am. I'd highly suggest listening to it.

  4. So I'm not sure if the link worked, but I'm hoping it did

  5. Everyone has self doubts. You are a competitive person and want to kick butt in everything you do. So at this point you are self critiquing. Trust me when I say you are strong. You are way better than you think you are and you probably need to listen to your friends on this one and not the voice in your head

  6. Thanks Cody. I'm gonna look for it. I know it's ridiculous that the stuff still bubbles up for me about my body.

    Such old damaging thinking. But bubble up it does.