Class & Performance and what the heck comes now?

 Well....I have a game this weekend in Oklahoma...and that is dumb.

Mona...why dumb you ask....well, did I think about how much time I could really spend "training" while focusing on an acting class that culminated in a performance. 

No...no I failed to think that shit through.  

Now throw in the fires and the wind and I have not touched an implement in, oh 3 weeks...yea, the back yard is seriously sand and I had no intention to throw in the wind with that shit....nor am I willing to throw in the wind and the smoke either....

I know, there was no way to predict THAT shitty development.....but the acting shit....I should have thought that through.

Oh well, just like for worlds, I am choosing a focus for this game...for worlds it was "focus on form" for this game... it's gonna be.....

"accept where you are"

Probably something I should be doing all the damn time, ammiright?

As for the class and the performances....holy shitzzzz.  What did I learn?

Well, bottom line.  I am an actor.  Really.

I know you are thinking...yea, you keep doing this why wouldn't you be?  But the last few....I don't know how long....I don't feel that way.  I mean, I had not been in a play since 2017....and I cannot get cast with all this remote stuff....NOT AT ALL.  So yea.

But I had a moment in class when Scott and I were working that we wrapped up and I had the thought..."this is what I am supposed to be doing....this is the gift I was given."

Weird to hear that little voice actually be a positive thought..😁  

So why have I always been driven to keep doing the work, yet never thought I was enough in the work...Short list here:

1. In college I was told once, "you might be good enough to get cast in a soap opera as the secondary bitch."  I let that stick to me.

2. Grad school there were many, but the two that I let stick were...I was encouraged to go to the MA program instead of the MFA program because...hmmmm reasons...(they did not believe in me) and the other was in front of the entire MFA program of actors, another actor finished her scene and I was singled out for this little comment, " See Mona, that's it right there, that's what you don't have.  She will be on stage at the Goodman and you would be lucky to sweep the stage at the Goodman."  Holy shizzz WHY DID I STAY?

3. I was with someone for a very long time who would see a show I was in and rank it on a scale on 1-10....no discussion...and I never got more than a 5...and I believed him.  Then as his work shifted in to the "business" I was reminded constantly that I was not "film" worthy.  I let those stick too...

Therapy has been amazing lately.....It really has been.

So, accept where I am...and....keep moving....keep moving forward.

What comes next?  I dunno....perhaps the simple task of working toward my potential....fully reaching toward my potential, both as an artist and an athlete...just trust and work to see what comes, to see what I can do and what I can give.