Had yet another weird audition experience...I am baffled by auditioning for things that require a lot of physical movement....when everything is fixed...mark, camera....I think I get even more frozen physically than in a regular audition. You know it's that feeling like "I know I am supposed to be moving here...but I can't."
Baffling.
And yes, I have done audition workshops...but they always just tell you to ask if you can move...but mostly there is no room to do that.
So...yeah..it's weird and funny...and well...that's just how it is. So dang...I applaud all you actors who nail these kinds of auditions....
I have a game this weekend...Aztec...should be a shit show for throwing, but my goals are to remember what my goals are right now....which are not throwing based. So there ego...take a fucking hike.
I have had a weird year throwing....2 lifetime personal records. Sheaf and Braemar of all things. Came close to a PR on Heavy Weight too....Not been training much...health scare the first half of the year and then the incredible gift that came my way with the show. So, I think those throws were just fantastic flukes! And paying attention to tiny details and well.....not getting obsessed with numbers.
Ok....there is something I probably should not write about, but I am going to just a tiny bit.
So....if you have PTSD type triggers...here's your warning to quit reading.
Ok?
Ok....
I had a bad bad bad, no good very bad day yesterday. I heard some second hand news that sent me into a tail spin, the likes of which I haven't (thankfully) experienced in quite sometime. It surprised me just how visceral it was....and it was hard to recognize that I lived in that state for so very long.
I learned a couple of things...firstly...yes, even this passes. Secondly....ah....I use food to find some sort of peace and more than that...food brings me back into the now...so it wasn't THAT terrible a coping device. Thirdly....the fear really is a liar.
The spinning stories are just that stories....about myself...about the past....about what might happen....about all the things that will NEVER happen.
I backed up and realized that some of the things that I was spinning out about, I have people around me who will make sure those things never happen....that and really...it is just fear talking. He doesn't know me anymore and I don't know him.
The last thing I learned is about my "personal bubble." I have never thought of mine as keeping people at a huge distance, but sometimes my personal bubble really does extend out over at LEAST 2 states...if not 3....
And now? It's getting closer to my audition reward....Dead Lifts!
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