Elizabeth

Long ago and far away, I used to write about the goals I would lay out for myself before a game.

So, here is a short check in. Mostly to get this writing habit a kick in the pants. 

We are headed to Colorado this weekend.  It is a small group of Masters women, all but one I know and have thrown with before.  I honestly cannot remember how many times I have been to this game. I do remember one year CJ riding a unicorn toy after we were done....but I cannot remember how many times we have gone.  It is the same weekend as Flagstaff, so there was always a choice to be made. Well, this year Flagstaff has only a demo for athletics so....there ya go.

Honestly, it was silly of me to sign up for these games so close to coming back from Norway, but whadda gonna do?

Goal, goal, goals....huh....um, I am still not feeling great and I JUST got back to the gym this week....and OH MY GAWD....the throwing area we have in the back yard is utter trash at the moment...so goals....

Maybe not fall down?

Ok Ok....focus on...FORM.  No number goals for me this time.  We head back to Colorado in like two weeks, so maybe I'll have goals then for numbers....

I have though, been working on my goals for the year. I did write down some super scary way the fuck out there numbers...because you know...why not.

I had this thought after Norway, that I always censor my goals to "what might be possible" and perhaps after all these years I could shoot for impossible goals and just see what happens. Don't get me wrong...The might be possible goals have often not been attained either...and sometimes they have functioned as a midway point sort of goal.  

They are good solid stepping stones.  But....what if....

Yup, this next year might just be the "What If..." year.

Been a long time again.

 Norway dreams and lessons.

 

Well, where the hell have I been?   Been busy....I did a crazy combo this spring, ADing the Rio Grande Games, then opening an original piece of theater with Grotessco two weeks later....So, things got shuffled and prioritized as they needed to be to give my energy where it was needed.

Writing my little bloggy blog fell into hibernation.  For the 6~8 weeks before the show, the gym took a back seat as well.  I also know that I haven't been writing with any sort of consistency in....probably 8 years...hahahahaha.  This will unlikely be the start of anything consistent either.

So, a week and a half after the show closed, my adventure partner and I set off for another trip to Norway...Fefor Power week.  You know that for us, there is something special there.  Last year was a little hard, I was injured, there were weird issues with another thrower, and I just felt...off.  Like I really didn't belong there.  

But we hopped a plane again.  This time I told myself a few things....I would use this time to rest, to learn, and to reconnect with my journal practice. Frankly, I would go for me...not worry about what I was there to "do" or worse, "prove."

I cannot get into all the details...it's an experience...not a series of boxes to check and report to others...but I will say this....

I did write again,  I rested well and did morning yoga with a beautiful group of women, I went to the room and napped; sadly I missed an award ceremony one of these days...I was SOOOOOO sad about that, my adventure partner and I reconnected in a very important way....most importantly, I feel like I was more, me, than I had been here before.  

I also tried the Mountain Madness event, which was a hybrid strongman/highland event.  WOB and 5 Strongman events...things I had never done before.  Now WHY I did this, I really don't know, but something in my tiny brain said "try."  Sarah and the athletes over at Evolution Strength and Conditioning, were willing to help this old highland games broad out and go over some basics so I didn't hurt myself, so I didn't go in completely blind.

But even with a few Saturday classes, I was so far out of my depth.  My goal was to "get" two of the 5 strongman events. There were 2 events a day. So glad they were spread out like that.

To say that I was scared each morning as walked out to the arena every day is an understatement. A good scared, but scared.  The strongmen out there so damn helpful with tips and tricks and even equipment.  

So, I have some video of the events, but I wanted to share this one in particular.  It is a Viking deadlift at 485lbs.  This is one of the events that I absolutely KNEW I could not do.

I got it...I actually "got" all five events.

As cool as this video is...there is a lot of what really matters that is NOT in this video.  What you don't see?

My warm ups, where I could not move that bar with less weight.

All the women giving me tips on how to get my knees set.

My wraps failing and Tenaya giving me her figure 8 wraps to use.

Me bracing and my silly non strongman approved weight belt ripping off.

Ilennis TAPING ME INTO MY WEIGHT BELT!

When I set up, the shear terror and thrill I felt...the sudden knowledge that I had to zero in in the judge, because he was giving me cues.  I could literally see on his face that he thought I could do this. 

As soon as I would start a lift, I would then look straight ahead and who got himself in my line of sight? My adventure partner who always knows I can do more than I think I can.

After the one minute was up...I got stuck in one of the figure 8 wraps and one of the guys rushed over...thinking I was passing out.  He then had to unstick me from my belt.   

Christine, who slid some candy in my line of sight, cause I was shaking.

All of the ladies...all of the folks watching...urging me on.

And once I was done, once I was done cheering for the rest of the competitors, the conversation I had with the judge...I thanked him.  For helping me through it.  He looked me dead ass in the face and said, "You are so strong."

That's it.  

No qualifiers, no "for a's" attached to it.

You are so strong.

Me....me, who always says, "for a fat ass...for an old woman...for a....whatever."

Nope, just strong...from one of the strongest there has ever been.  

 

 

Now I know what you might be thinking...Mona, other people have said that to you.

Yes, and I don't listen to them because they like me or love me or because I pay them....

But all these women who are strong...some of the freaking strongest...seeing me....seeing strength.

Oh boy...there's the lesson this year.  Thank you all....and a huge thanks to Kikki and Egil for making this space that this weird old highland games broad can come and discover something new about herself...something true about herself. 

Black & Yellow.

In the gym the other day...not one of my typical days.  I am slogging away at my 5x5 dead lift thingy...feeling, burned out frankly.  Been a STRUGGLE to get things done that I like doing for myself. Standing in front of that 375 thinking I have seriously bit off more than I can chew this spring.  

I like all the things I have to do...but it is toooooo many.

Anyhoooo  Standing in front of that bar when I see a young guy in black and yellow get on a bike.  I do a set...look up again and there is a group of three....in black and yellow.  I wrap up the lifts head over for some mobility and a group of like 8 guys...yes....black & yellow.....I am working on that IT band...and yes another group...the largest, comes in.

It's New Mexico United day....at the gym.

Since I was right there in the mobility pit, I watched a group of them for a bit.  Now keep in mind, the trainers had split this group of black & yellows into 3 groups, so there were like 8 dudes working mobility.  I noticed something, the younger guys; well, they were awkward.  Yea...I KNOW...they are professional athletes, like how dare I...but seriously.  I know these guys move on the field, but with the mobility stuff....the younger guys were struggling.  

Of course the coaches were coachin' and working with them...but they reminded me of great dane puppies.  Big, strong, but they still don't quite know how to make it all work smooooothly. 

Honestly, it was pretty cool to see.  The older guys had a different kind of handle on their movement.  A more settled way of moving.  I know these young guys will get it and it's why they work with more than just their coaches on the field...that's why they have strength and conditioning and mobility coaches. It makes them better players and helps prevent injuries too.

 

I don't know, I just wanted to share...black & yellow....

 

I have missed writing...but...sigh....

Letters.

 About 2 weeks ago I went out to get the mail. Flippin through the tiny stack, I see a hand written address. I look at the return address and it is from my gym.  Oh my.  Hilarious that my first thought was, "oh no, what did I do?"  

I used to say this all of the time when BJ was training me as well....I was just waiting for the last stupid or weird thing I did that would make him want to find a new place to train. Now it has just become a weird thing I say all the time. 

Since moving over to Elevate, I don't say it all the time; but I do think it sometimes.

I really love the work that is done over there.  I love watching the coaches with others and I love what they have done with me. Honestly, working with my coach on goals has been super helpful...I even met a few of my throwing goals this past season...I have seen lots of the posts for athletes that work with the coaches at Elevate and it is great to see both the breadth and depth of the athletes they train.

The level of work that this organization does is kinda mind boggling.  Remember I wrote a while back about the physical mobility testing they did on me?  Well, the gym posted recently that a team of them were doing the same assessments on the team at Brooks Beasts Running....yea....prepping runners for Paris 2024.

The list of athletes they work with is pretty impressive.

But, the work that I see them do with people post surgery, heck, pre surgery too...and kids....and old folks like me....that is even more impressive.

Made me feel like, something switch in me recently, like....I need to be giving back as much as they are willing to throw at me.  I have really been struggling with staying or becoming focused...or whatever....probably like lots of people since say...oh ....2020.  I mean, I work hard in the gym, I do....and maybe that isn't gonna change, but something in my tiny brain has been shifting in the last few weeks.  I have a suspicion that a lot of the shift is due to that assessment and the planning I did with Johnny and Adrian.

I think back to the day I went in for my first meeting there.  I still sorta feel sorry that Johnny got stuck with me, I mean I am happy with being coached by him.....I just know I am a pain in the ass.  I mean I was sooooo guarded and a crabby old bitch the day I met him.  What a good sport.

 I do have fewer athletic goals this year, as I am working with Theater Grotessco on a piece and trying to look at whether or not we can work on MBT again...so fewer throwing goals...but I have pretty clear physical goals anyway...and this switch that has happened, will help.  I know that what I am looking for this year is being more present in my body, focusing on mobility and really listening to what makes me feel healthy.

Anyway....what was the point of this blog today?  

I dunno....I just wanted to give a shout out to my gym and my coaches....they rock.

Elevate

Weird year

Hhmmmmm, so, a recap?  What was my year like?  Throwing and training only please...PULEASE...

 

I trained so much for strength in the "off season."  I always have thought this is the way. It sorta is...I know, I know, I am doing something different this year. Y'all ready know this.  But this year...I did pull a lifetime dead at 435....Part of me wants to keep on that...but I know it isn't what I need right now.

I will admit, I had some huge goals for myself this year.  My season started off pretty strong too.  The coolest thing being a personal record on sheaf...But even in Phoenix...I pushed out my heavy weight further than I had in quite some time, mainly out of spite; but that was a me problem...  😁

So I prepped this year and wanted some things, was headed toward those things...then....well,

Stuff.

Trying to throw and help Grant run Rio Grande put throwing, well...on the back burner.  I was trying to keep up with social media stuff, which was new for me....as well as all sorts of details behind the scenes, including some hostile moves from, well not completely unexpected places...SO, once we wrapped things up, we were focused on Norway....lucky us!!

Thinking I need a game before Norway, we head to Cheyenne.  A bit of a loooong drive, but I am glad we finally got up there.  But what did I do in Cheyenne?  Right...I wanted to get that 28 on sheaf..so badly, that I hurt my back.  I really did a number on it.

Worked as hard as I could (and spent all our spending money) on PT and massage leading up to Norway. Traveled with a nasty back.  Throwing was painful in Norway....but I spent more of our travel money on massage there as well....My back finally eased up a little.  The final day wasn't spent in tears.  

But in Norway, a new theme emerged for the season.  

People talking shit about me.

You'd think at 55, that this shit would roll right off my ass....but my dear friends...it did not.  I am not sure if it was just my head space or just work I still needed to do coming to slap me in the face, but there it was. In this lovely space, this peaceful field that I have a huge soft spot for; someone within ear shot, laughing at me and saying...full voice..."you aren't ever gonna be as good as.....(blah blah blah)".  While I know that doesn't matter, because I am there to throw for me...it stung this time in a way I cannot explain. Hearing those disparaging remarks plastered against the background of this place I have given too much emotional investment to perhaps....kinda let myself get cracked by that a bit.  

Let myself hear old voices that are not mine in my headspace again.

I worked at letting it go before it ruined my brain for the rest of the season....then Grant and I got to go to Maine for a new game and to hang out with some awesome people...but honestly, I was struggling HARD with imposter syndrome. But I had Pleasanton coming after Maine.

And you KNOW how I feel about that game, the people there, the throwers and friends.

So, some sort of lesson here, because it happened AGAIN. The difference being, the people talking about me didn't SEE me right away as they were disparaging my fatness and my skill as a thrower.  In Norway, the dude was kinda yelling it out for me to hear.  It made it harder to hear too, since it was a couple of female throwers.

Honestly....for a good two or so weeks....I felt that I was done.  That this was not the kind of atmosphere I wanted to throw in.  Things change; no biggie...time to be done.

But, we went back to Prescott, cause I was already signed up (I did NOT wanna go). So glad we did, not sure why we've been missing this one...

And more than that...I let go.  

People talk, people blow off steam, people vent.  I don't have to be liked and I don't have to take what was probably someone just expressing frustration, personally. (I also don't need to try to be friends with this person either 😉)

Something else I lost this year was my 2 turn on weights....like WHAT?  But that's just practice and a lack of confidence and letting things get to me.

So, I certainly didn't expect that sort of season, but that's what it was....and I am still the luckiest, crabby ole fat bitch you probably know.

2024?  What's coming? Who the heck knows....

What do athletic goals look like as I see a very busy 2024 for myself as an actor, at least in the first half of the year. What I do know; is the plan is changing focus from prior off seasons, mobility, yoga, speed, joy, aging...letting go and asking for more help...

Enjoying what I can while I can....